kittin Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 I am seeking opinions and advice on my current situation. I have been dating my boyfriend nearly 5 years, but we are both currently 20 years old (I turn 21 next month). I consider myself to be a very mature and level-headed person, which is the same for my boyfriend. I am studying to become an elementary teacher, with my parents' help, while my boyfriend is a biochemistry major and anticipates attending optometry school when we both graduate in two years (Spring 2014). Here's the kicker: His next school requires moving three hours away. I honestly can't see myself wanting to be so far away from him for four years while he goes through medical school. Perhaps my age comes into play here because it really seems like that would put a serious strain on my happiness. The conflict arises with deciding whether or not it is a good move to marry before moving to the new location, perhaps shortly after graduation. I come from a very traditional family, and my parents would highly frown upon us moving in together without being married. In fact, they are trying to convince me to wait until after he is done with school, but I feel like dating 12+ years before marriage is a very long time. I would like to make it clear that I do not want to get married only because my parents do not agree with living together out of wedlock. I love my boyfriend and see myself being with him the rest of my life. I understand my parents' viewpoints, but I cannot help but think they are imposing their views on me (that's a whole different story in itself). There's no rush to make a decision right this very moment, but it's been on my mind lately. So, what do you guys think? Am I too young? Please be easy on me.
madjac74 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 You are too young because this guy is the only thing you have known since you started dating. You really haven't sampled life and it would be an incredible mistake to get married. What exactly would be the benefit to rushing marriage?
anne1707 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 I consider myself to be a very mature and level-headed person, which is the same for my boyfriend. You start of saying how mature you are Here's the kicker: His next school requires moving three hours away. I honestly can't see myself wanting to be so far away from him for four years while he goes through medical school. Perhaps my age comes into play here because it really seems like that would put a serious strain on my happiness. But then you show a lack of maturity by focussing just on yourself in the short term and not the long term happiness of both you and your boyfriend. This is not a dig - you are just still so very young and it shows but I feel like dating 12+ years before marriage is a very long time. 12 years would be a long time if you started dating aged 20 but you started dating as children. I can promise you that at 20, you are still growing and have a lot of maturing to do. In fact the older you get, the more you realise that not only have you changed so much but also that you will continue to change. You are young, you have only dated one boy. He might be the one for you for life and if he is, then getting through being apart for 4 years is no big deal. Plus 3 hours is not much travelling time at all - that means you could easily see each other every week whereas there are some long distance relationships on LS where people go months at a time without seeing each other and they still cope.
Radu Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 You don't love him, it's better to break up with him. Ppl who are in love don't question what is best for their happines. They think in terms of him/her or us, they are selfless and not selfish. The only thing you said about your bf is that you see a future with him, and you love him. We can't gauge emotion from words, but in your case they were written quite emotionless. On the other hand you wrote quite a lot about your future careers, plans and such.
Author kittin Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 You don't love him, it's better to break up with him. Ppl who are in love don't question what is best for their happines. They think in terms of him/her or us, they are selfless and not selfish. The only thing you said about your bf is that you see a future with him, and you love him. We can't gauge emotion from words, but in your case they were written quite emotionless. On the other hand you wrote quite a lot about your future careers, plans and such. I will get to the other comments on this board shortly, but part of this comment really just comes from no where. I didn't go on about my boyfriend's traits because it wasn't relevant to my question. I also didn't want to have a very long thread, but I can assure you that I do not think only for myself. If necessary, I can write a long, gushy post about my feelings.
Author kittin Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 You are too young because this guy is the only thing you have known since you started dating. You really haven't sampled life and it would be an incredible mistake to get married. What exactly would be the benefit to rushing marriage? I've always wondered why people consider it rushing marriage when we would have been together for seven years at the earliest time we would get married. Is that term mostly because of age? Also, may you specify what you mean by he is the only thing I have known? I'm guessing you mean dating-wise, but if there's more to it, I'd be interested in knowing. "You are young, you have only dated one boy. He might be the one for you for life and if he is, then getting through being apart for 4 years is no big deal. Plus 3 hours is not much travelling time at all - that means you could easily see each other every week whereas there are some long distance relationships on LS where people go months at a time without seeing each other and they still cope." (Sorry, do not know how to double quote on these forums) Yes, this is true. One thing I may not have properly conveyed in my post is that my boyfriend feels the same way I do about things so I am not thinking of only myself. =) We've been through a lot throughout our relationship so I feel as though we are pretty solid and could "endure" the four years apart, but I'm kinda wondering why we would have to. I'm pretty sure the general opinion is that I am young and have not experienced much, but I don't quite know what exactly there is that I want to experience...if that makes sense to anyone. I don't have many adults in my life that will talk to me about these things because my parents are very hard to talk to, but, as I've mentioned before, that's a whole different story.
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