is he a control freak or I am overreacting?

[d081112]

I have been dating this guy for 3 weeks, and we had a dozen dates before we had sex for the first time. I am 38 and he is 41 yo. We are both thinking seriously about having a family. The problems started the day after we had sex. He took me to his place the night before, and he drove me back home next morning before going to work. I noticed that he didn't look happy about it. He was in a rush and displeased with traffic. Then later that evening, we met for dinner and he said that since he cannot spend nights in my place (he has dogs to take care of), I would have to stay the nights in his place, but he said that he has issues with the idea of picking me up and driving me back home. I said that I had no problem driving to his place (it's a considerable distance by the way) and even cook dinner, as long as I didn't have to worry about the groceries. My intention was to keep things fair, especially since I didn't see any enthusiasm from him after finally sleeping together (how disappointing...) and I sensed that he immediately started placing his own rules. He went ballistic! He said that I offended him since he has been paying for dinner all that time, so I was rude to tell him to pay for groceries. So when I asked what is the alternative then, he practically said that it's up to him to decide when he will cover for the groceries, and I shouldn't tell him what to do. That entire evening, I was being grilled about how I handle my money. He asked me repeatedly how I wanted to arrange the finances within a marriage, and I said that the first thing that comes to mind is separate accounts and sharing expenses based on income. After a torturous discussion, I finally realized that he is expecting me to put all my money to a common bank account after getting married. He actually accused me of being selfish and stingy. What on earth... I felt like a punching bag that night. Endless debating, and he is such a bully. After all this, I wanted to split. We finally decided to take it easy and keep seeing each other as friends. Some important background info: we both come from an ethnic background where the woman is expected to be a housewife. I have a job that I want to keep. He actually said that he liked that about me. I am confused about his intentions and I didn't get any straight answers. Any insight that you may have about his behavior will be much appreciated. Many thanks!

[soccerrprp]

This is a taste of what's to come. Are you up for this? It doesn't sound so...it is controlling and as you mentioned, your ethnic backgrounds dictate that the man "control" things within the household, so if this is not what you want...end it.

[Balzac]

WoW at 38 you have to ask? Compromise is the name of the game and all I am reading is FWB but that kinda takes you outta the market for the kind of marriage you're seeking. Maybe ethnic culture is your priority? Keep mind that marriage is a financial contract.