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Posted

Hello everyone,

 

My name is Aden.

 

This is my first time posting on Loveshack(LS), though I've read many posts before and I commend the incredible community that LS has formed. I hope that you can share your wisdom and experiences with me to help me better put myself at ease and give me the strength for a better tomorrow.

 

I know my story may be long, but please bare with me and read through it all.

 

 

I met a girl 5 years ago online and after about 5 months we had a long distance relationship. This was back when I was 16 and she was 14. Needless to say at that age, two teenagers didn't have what it took to stay together so we split up after 3 months, me with her. At that age I didn't know what I wanted in life so we went our separate ways after that. We didn't talk much for about 3 and a half years but every now and then would send each other letters, just to check up on one another. This past Christmas we started talking again more often. I'm 20 and she's 18. We realized we still had feelings for each other and got together after a couple months and decided we would have another go at a long distance relationship with one another. Things were great for about 6 months then our relationship started changing.

 

She felt distant. I literally felt a change between us. She wasn't as sweet as she use to be and often times she would not follow through with our dedicated phone call days. She steadily slipped away. Before the changes happened we had a few chats about improving our relationships. I made it clear that a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) wasn't going to be easy but I was ready and committed to making us work. I told her that we had to better manage our time so that we can allow enough time spent together for our love to grow. Though after 4 months I felt that nothing was exactly growing and I talked to her about it. She told me that because of the pains in her past she had built a barrier around her heart to keep herself from being hurt. She says that I am the closest person to this barrier along with her family but that she can't let me through it yet. She says that because of this barrier, it won't allow her to emotionally attach herself to us so in actuality, whenever I told her " I love you" her reply wouldn't be complete. Yes sometimes she responded " I love you too" but if she doesn't open her heart to me how could she Really love me? In my heart I knew she wanted to mean it but if she wouldn't open up, she could never love me. When we talked about her opening up, she said that she doesn't know if or when she'll open up. I told her that I loved her and that I wasn't one to give up so easily so I decided to stay and try to improve our relationship as much as possible. So we went on for about another month happily. I sent her stuffed animals, letters, even had a local flower shop deliver roses to her at work. I loved her and I wanted her. But at that 6 month mark she started changing. One of the main things we talked about before things got rough was that she was spending so much time with other guys, especially a co worker of her that she knows likes her. They spent so much time together and at first I was jealous than it turned to sadness and hurt. She was spending more time with this guy than she was with me. I told her that she had to tone it down a little and focus on us more if we were going to make our relationship work. Nothing changed and she hung out with him even more. One day she went out at 3pm and didn't get home till 8am and I was completely pissed that she didn't text or pick up my calls. The situation looked shady but I trusted her. I've always trusted her in our relationship, Just didn't trust the guys she was hanging out with. Most guys( not all will befriend a female because of some interest correct?) Well this co worker really really liked her and if given the chance, I'm sure he would sleep with her. She continued to put me in untrusting situations when she would go out with this guy all the time. They went to lunch all the time as well as the movies and when she started seeming more distant, I had a gut feeling that she may be cheating on me. The night of our break up she didn't reply to my text or pick up my call for 6 hours and when she did respond, I confronted her on where she's been and all she replies is: " With my co worker, sorry." Now, honestly, does this not look shady at all? She even sounded tired on the phone as if she just had sex or something and I was completely pissed but I kept my cool. I decided then to break up with her.

 

I told her that I wanted us to work and that I loved her so much. But for the last 3 weeks of our relationship, I wasn't happy. I gave each day to our relationship trying to make her happy, trying to make us work but it felt like she stopped trying to open up. I felt unappreciated, undesired, and taken advantage of. I told her all this as well as the fact that we could not be friends afterword because of my feelings for her. She spent so much time with another person, that takes her out, makes her laugh and smile, shows her all these new experiences, experiences that she should be waiting to have with me, her boyfriend. It broke my heart knowing another guy was making the woman i loved with all my heart happier than I could make her in weeks. Let's be honest, if she wasn't already cheating on me, if this trend continued where she spent so much time with this guy, eventually she would fall for him. She told me that he even tried kissing her but she pulled away but I won't ever know if she really did or not. When I broke it off, it was as if she finally realized that I was a good catch. She begged me to stay in her life and be her friend until she was ready to be completely mine. I told her that that was a selfish request and I was not a 2nd option. I found out that she didn't even tell the other guy she was in a relationship. (Wtf right?) and then she said that this was the 2nd time I broke up with her and that i'm an *******.

 

I didn't know what I wanted back when I was younger, but I knew what I wanted now. I wanted her but she was not ready at her young age to truly commit to us. I gave her numerous chances, as well as hints and deep discussions to change a bit but the change never came.

 

It's been a week and a half since we broke up and we've had NC( no contact) since then and I'm in that phase where I really miss her. Honestly, a part of me hopes she'll contact me first but sometimes it's better to get an outsiders opinion on things like this.

 

So what do you think? Was it the right decision to break it off? I still love this girl with all my heart and I'm hoping in time, I'll be able to move on.

 

thank you all,

 

Aden

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
So what do you think? Was it the right decision to break it off? I still love this girl with all my heart and I'm hoping in time, I'll be able to move on.

 

thank you all,

 

Aden

 

Yep. You did the right thing. Hang in there, Aden. Better times will come your way.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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