Have I lost my 2nd chance? ...

[qxmbati]

Here's my story:

 

I'm 31 male, I met this girl 2 years ago at work, she is 33. We dated for about 4 months, broke up and then got back together a few months later for another like 2 months. Although short-lived, we had this really strong connection (similar life paths/experiences) and we loved each other but I always felt scared to commit because I've only been with 1 other girl in my life. I guess it was the male in me wanting to explore other girl options before getting too serious with this particular girl that i'm talking about who seemed like the kind of girl I could marry one day. So that's why we broke up - she WANTED me and I was UNSURE what to do. She has more dating experience than I do and she told me that what we had vas Very Rare to find. I let her go anyway, but we continued to flirt and see each other (we work at the same company and live in the same town) but we weren't dating per se. She tried getting me back a few times but I resisted. I think my feelings for her dwindled at some point. This past February, she told me she was dating someone new. I was sad and tried to avoid the topic whenever I saw her. A few months later, around June I got the feeling she was single again but I ended up finding out she had the same boyfriend. I saw a picture of them pop up on Facebook and for some reason my heart was crushed - I defriended her on FB and explained to her that I couldnt stand to see her with someone else.

 

We've remained friends and see each other at work sometimes for coffee. But for some reason finding out she was with another guy like snapped me into the reality of what I was really losing with her. I felt almost betrayed (although I do not blame her at all and have told he this - she shouldnt have to wait around for me to figure myself out). It was a huge loss, like I was being replaced by another guy. Last week, she put in her 2 week notice at work and is moving an hour away from me now for antoher job. When she texted me to let me know this, she said "I'm going to miss you, but actually, I have already been missing you". She asked me to come over her apartment that night and told me that her boyfriend was out of state (i've never met or want to meet him). We were talking and she broke down crying, telling me how she has always continued to feel a strong connection to me. She also mentioned how her boyfriend has told her he loves her but she was skeptical on his intentions. I felt like she was coming back to me or something. We held hands at one point when she was crying, something we hadnt done since we were together.

 

The next day at work, we went out for coffee and I'm going through some rough life issues myself so I was getting a little emotional and she grabbed my hand and we were touching fingers like we probably did on our first date. I don't know how else to express it other than a feeling of mutual love. We haven't touched like that since we broke up. So i drove us to get coffee and on the way back she was stroking the back of my head to show compassion and she put her head on my shoulder for a few moments. I patted her on the knee gently to show compassion back. Again, I felt like these were signs that she was maybe bringing me back into her life as a love interest. We hadn't had that type of physical contact since we were dating.

 

Today, she called me over to have lunch again and I was getting my hopes up that we might share some more feelings, but she seemed to back off from the previous two days. We clicked really well in conversation as usual and we talked about family and about her moving away soon. She gave me back my old nightstand that she still had from when we were dating. She was talking about getting an apartment near her new job and how she is going to have her other friends help her move, but did not ask me for help in moving. So i'm definitely taking this as a sign that she is still staying with her current boyfriend and maybe she got over whatever feeling she was

having for me the past 2 days. She has been under a lot of stress, with quitting her job, accepting a new one and moving an hour away after all.

 

So heres the thing: she is leaving town next Saturday. 1 week from today. I'm sitting here broken-hearted and knowing that I love her. I feel like we are soulmates and I know that somewhere in her heart, at least a part of her does as well. All of these feelings for her are coming back to me because of the mixed signals i've been getting and i've tried to express those feelings. Like when we got coffee the other day, i asked if she still had feelings for me sometimes and she said yes, and i said i did as well for her. The thing is, she has now been with this new boyfriend for like 6 months now and I really have no grasp on how serious they are other than what I said above about him telling her things but that she's not sure if he's going to take action. She did mention at one point while she was crying that the two of them were thinking about moving in together at some point later this year. Meanwhile she is giving me all these signals and getting my hopes up that I could win her back. But now, I honestly do not know. Maybe she was just being overly emotional the past few days. The thing is that I still feel like I love her and don't want to lose her. I don't want her to leave town either but that is inevitable at this point. She is going.

 

My question is: do I tell her that I love her before she leaves? After she leaves? Or not at all. I am trying my best to respect her current relationship and I think she is as well, but I feel all of this regret from letting her go and am scared that I will regret not telling her straight up that I love her before she leaves. We'll both love each other no matter what, its a deep friendship/connection that is rare to find as I said earlier. But now I am having feelings for her again and our timing just hasn't been right. I'm not even sure how it would work with her living an hour away. But I just need some advice here. I am feeling devestated by her leaving. My closest brother also left town a month ago and my best friend at work left the job just yesterday. I won't be seeing either of them regularly anymore either. I just feel so scared that I'm losing the person who has been the most important part of my life the past 2 years. While she's been giving me these mixed signals the last few days, i've been all giddy and picturing the two of us getting back together and me being able to move past the point where we got stuck the last time. My Heart is broken..

 

Any help is appreciated!

 

Thank You.

[not-a-drive-by]

I'd say let her know before she leaves. She may just need that extra reassurance that you want to be with her. She can then decide where her true feelings lie and whether to break it up with her current bf.

 

You don't want to hold that regret of not letting her know. The reply may be painful, but at least, you won't be holding it in your heart thinking what would've have happened if you let her know of your feelings months or years down the track. Go for it, but don't hold onto too much hope. Be prepared for the worst.

[qxmbati]

Thanks very much for reading and responding. Yea I definitely think I need to talk to her again soon and let her know that I still have feelings for her. I haven't been able to concentrateon anything else the past few days. I'll prepare for the worst and hope for the best. If anyone has further advice im all ears. Thank you!

[IncredibleGrace]

I agree... Talk to her. You have nothing to lose, as she is moving away. Tell her you have no expectations, but you can't let her go without telling her how you feel. And then you let magic do its work...

[Skalabanan]

I agree with the above.

 

You have absolutely nothing to lose, for me the regret of letting her go without putting up that one last fight for her would be more damning than letting her know your feelings and she still goes on without you.

 

Lifes too short for regrets.