carhill Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 So, how would you compare the character, damaged or not, of the two examples? One apparently committed suicide and the other was murdered, so they both met untimely ends. Was that a result of their character being damaged? I'm not up on Hitler's philandering, but will presume it to be similar.
woinlove Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 Obviously, JFK had substantial character flaws. He treated women horribly. However, he also has a record of public service and positive accomplishments. Most character flaws don't completely define the person. JFK, Monster | The New Republic 2
herenow Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) I wonder if President Kennedy was remembered as being character damaged. Did his career as a philanderer define his life? How, if so, could such a character damaged person rise to the highest office in the US and command both armies and the present and future respect of citizens? Are/were we that dense and gullible? What does it say about us? That's one example of millions out there. It it were simple, there would be no debate, only body bags. Obvioulsy since he is being mentioned here in a thread about infidelity, his philandering has become a part of how he is defined. Good or bad, it is unquestionably a part of who he was. Just because he was a great leader does not erase his choices to have affairs. Personally, I don't buy onto judging elected leaders on how they act in their private lives. I judge them on how they preform and what they do to keep the promises they make to the people who vote for them. Their private lives should be private as far as I am concerned. Back on topic, yes President Kennedy and his bothers were most definitely character flawed IMO. Edited August 22, 2012 by herenow 1
FelicityShot Posted August 22, 2012 Posted August 22, 2012 (edited) Do you consider deception and weakness character flaws? Just because you were a "good girl" up until a certain point, it doesn't mean your character isn't flawed. Everyone, including you and the people you love the best, has a dark side. A character flaw occurs when this gets unrecognised, and becomes strong in unforseen ways. A character flaw is only an unresolved darkness in the psyche. And it is not permanent - though it can exist for a long time being ignored. Edited August 23, 2012 by FelicityShot
FelicityShot Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Do you believe having a sense of entitlement and shifting blame is a character flaw? I love your honest qs I don't think so - they are ways of evading responsibility, and this is an inability to face the self. Being unable to face the self is not a character flaw but a deeper issue. If you know someone like this, they will know deep inside, even if they pretend a lot. It is very sad if someone has evaded being themself for so long it becomes part of their character, though this can have beauty too, depending on the person and how deep you are willing to read/commune with them.
FelicityShot Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 How did that make you feel: At the time? Later? Now? no, having an affair is behaviour. Wanting revenge and rubbing someone's nose in it, is character. You had it in you already to finally snap under pressure. I'm sure there may have been instances in your past when you decided that your patience had worn thin, and you 'bit back'. your tolerance threshold obviously has its limit. That's in your character. Interesting view. I like it. I think I had got here already, but you put it in words at the same time.
FelicityShot Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) On the other hand most affairs involve deceit and dishonesty and usually people wind up getting deeply hurt. IMO lies and dishonesty and hurting people are almost universally considered immoral behaviors and people rarely argue about this. As a matter of fact the OW/OM board is one of the only places I've seen people vehemenly defend these despicable actions as if it's their God given right to lie, deceive and hurt people for their own selfish gain. Sometimes reading here is rather surreal. I am hoping you do not buy any goods unless you already know that child or slave labour is not involved. I would like to hear your definitive line on morals which centuries of philosophers have mulled over and been inconclusive about. PS - normally people defend their right to buy chocolate/coffee produced by child slave labour unendingly. But if someone has sex with another for love they are 'hurtful'. Because they didn't tell - lmfao (sorry - I do see the hurt - just not the weighting-) Edited August 23, 2012 by FelicityShot
FelicityShot Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 Absolutely agree. If one's moral code includes lying and sneaking and/or the enabling thereof, then by all means lie and sneak! If, however, one abhors lying and sneaking, one should strive to live a life of honesty. It will help them sleep better at night. All of us have character flaws. Some of those flaws hurt only ourselves while some affect others. I bet none of us can say we've never had a moment we've looked back on with at least a small twinge of regret for our actions. The more we squelch those feelings of regret, the easier it gets each time to ignore that small voice of conscience. True that we are all the same. Good on you for being so good at resolving it all. It's still a mystery to me.
Furious Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 (edited) I am hoping you do not buy any goods unless you already know that child or slave labour is not involved. I would like to hear your definitive line on morals which centuries of philosophers have mulled over and been inconclusive about. PS - normally people defend their right to buy chocolate/coffee produced by child slave labour unendingly. But if someone has sex with another for love they are 'hurtful'. Because they didn't tell - lmfao (sorry - I do see the hurt - just not the weighting-) If your daughter's husband cheated on her would you feel would you feel the same way? I asked my cheating husband that question and he answered he would probably break his legs. Edited August 23, 2012 by Furious
FelicityShot Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 If your daughter's husband cheated on her would you feel would you feel the same way? I asked my cheating husband that question and he answeered he would probably break his legs. I would be happy if no cheating occurred in my daughter's possible M. All the Rs that lasted more than a year, in my adult or child life, involved some kind of cheating. I prefer fidelity, but I'm not looking at anyone askance. I wouldn't like people to hurt my daughter, and I will try to equip her knowledge wise as well as support her emotionally. Beyond that, she will have her own life.
Furious Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I would be happy if no cheating occurred in my daughter's possible M. All the Rs that lasted more than a year, in my adult or child life, involved some kind of cheating. I prefer fidelity, but I'm not looking at anyone askance. I wouldn't like people to hurt my daughter, and I will try to equip her knowledge wise as well as support her emotionally. Beyond that, she will have her own life. I'm sorry that you endured cheating in your adult and child life, especially in your child life. Truth is, cheating hurts, whichever side of it you're on. I've got say that no matter what people say, we should be kind and treat others as we would want to be treated. It's that simple, but sometimes the simplest things are the hardest things to do. I have a daughter, I only wish the best for her. Whether we are the betrayed wives or the OW, we are all somebody's daughter.
alexandria35 Posted August 23, 2012 Posted August 23, 2012 I am hoping you do not buy any goods unless you already know that child or slave labour is not involved. I would like to hear your definitive line on morals which centuries of philosophers have mulled over and been inconclusive about. PS - normally people defend their right to buy chocolate/coffee produced by child slave labour unendingly. But if someone has sex with another for love they are 'hurtful'. Because they didn't tell - lmfao (sorry - I do see the hurt - just not the weighting-) What? I'm sorry but I'm not seeing the correlation between lying, deceiving and hurting your family and child labour. So I don't have the right to ask for honesty and openess from my partner because of child labour? And since there is child labour going on in the world then I should declare a free for all, throw out all my morals and lie and deceive to my hearts desire because hey...think of child labour going on in the world. No reason for any of us to adhere to any principles as long as that's happening. And if your daughter did come to you devastated and destroyed by the discovery of her husbands affair you would tell her to stop crying and think of the children who are being forced into labour? And by the way I do research where my coffee and chocolate comes from because it is important to me that the people who grow the stuff are being fairly treated and compensated. 3
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