What do you hope for when you approach a woman?

[iris219]

At the gym yesterday a guy walked up to me and said, Hi, my name’s _____.” So I said, “Hi, I’m Iris.” Pause…and that was it.

 

As I was leaving, he said, “It was nice to meet you, Iris.” I smiled and replied, “It was nice to meet you, too.”

 

Should I have said more? Should he have said more?

 

I’m afraid I may have forgotten how to talk to single men because I rarely ever do. I wasn’t expecting a man my age to talk me while I was all sweaty with my hair falling out of a ponytail. I’m not sure this was even an “approach.” Maybe he was just being friendly and likes to get to know people who are regulars there. Or is he planning to say more when we see each other again?

[Necromancer]

Fun time. Everything more than that is just a bonus.

[Radu]

At the gym yesterday a guy walked up to me and said, Hi, my name’s _____.” So I said, “Hi, I’m Iris.” Pause…and that was it.

 

As I was leaving, he said, “It was nice to meet you, Iris.” I smiled and replied, “It was nice to meet you, too.”

 

Should I have said more? Should he have said more?

 

I’m afraid I may have forgotten how to talk to single men because I rarely ever do. I wasn’t expecting a man my age to talk me while I was all sweaty with my hair falling out of a ponytail. I’m not sure this was even an “approach.” Maybe he was just being friendly and likes to get to know people who are regulars there. Or is he planning to say more when we see each other again?

 

Personally i hope she won't spit on me [happened with a cold approach on the street].

 

That was an approach.

 

I think he was shy, just go at your regular time like always next and say hi ... that's all. Maybe he'll get the hint [if you are interested].

Don't go with makeup, he approached when you were sweaty.

 

PS: Umm ... when i see a sweaty girl that fits my physical profile at the gym my first thought is not 'ewww sweat' but 'i'd lick it off her'.

I'm also betting you were in one of those skintight outfits that women wear at the gym ... he was deffinitely attracted.

[EasyHeart]

At the gym yesterday a guy walked up to me and said, Hi, my name’s _____.” So I said, “Hi, I’m Iris.” Pause…and that was it.

 

As I was leaving, he said, “It was nice to meet you, Iris.” I smiled and replied, “It was nice to meet you, too.”

 

Should I have said more? Should he have said more?

 

I’m afraid I may have forgotten how to talk to single men because I rarely ever do. I wasn’t expecting a man my age to talk me while I was all sweaty with my hair falling out of a ponytail. I’m not sure this was even an “approach.” Maybe he was just being friendly and likes to get to know people who are regulars there. Or is he planning to say more when we see each other again?

That's a weird exchange. You didn't do anything wrong. If a guy comes up to you, it's his burden to impress you with his clever conversation.

[iris219]

Personally i hope she won't spit on me [happened with a cold approach on the street].

 

Oh my! Seriously? That's awful.

 

: Umm ... when i see a sweaty girl that fits my physical profile at the gym my first thought is not 'ewww sweat' but 'i'd lick it off her'.

 

Now I'm going to imagine he's thinking this about me, and it'll be distracting!

 

That's a weird exchange. You didn't do anything wrong. If a guy comes up to you, it's his burden to impress you with his clever conversation.

 

He may have thought that if he introduced himself I would take it from there, but I didn’t know where to take (or if I even wanted to take it anywhere).

 

Or it’s likely he had no plan and just thought he’d go for it and hope for the best.

 

He likes you, but is somewhat shy. He probably thought about doing this for a while. He probably checked you out while you were working out, but girls like you do not have the radar antenna to see who is looking.

 

Next time you see him be sure to say Hi and act friendly. You may even say that the other day you were distracted and did not get his name. Do I know you from before? Etc, etc.

 

As I said many times before the gym is an easy area to meet people and there should be no awkwardness.

 

I'll say hi next time I see him. Right now, I don't know if I'm interested in him because our conversation wasn't enough for me to discern anything about him.

[El Brujo]

I learned early on not to approach women because they give me the cross-eyed stare and act AMAZED that there are real live giants in this world!

 

It also annoys the crap out of me when they spit out "how tall are you?" as if their life depended on it.

 

If you don't understand it, or you think it's funny, well then I hope you get reincarnated as a giant or a giantess. >:-)

[Radu]

iris ... was he cute ?

 

When you say hi, look at him and see what happens with his face.

Does he blush, does he avert his eyes, do his pupils dilate ... etc.

If he doesn't say anything, just say 'wanna go and grab some coffee/juice ?'.

See if before this he is watching you in the gym.

 

Then go out for that coffee/juice, if you like him, date and see if he comes out of his shell.

If he doesn't come out of his shell, chances are he is really shy.

 

---

 

Both me and Pierre used the word shy but it is used to describe 2 different things.

One can be perpetually shy and i don't think that's that attractive in a guy.

And one can have approach anxiety, and look like he is shy.

The latter is like going for an exam you studied but you are so convinced you will fail ... that you fail.

If it is the latter, it will get resolved in a few dates, by then his approach anxiety will be obsolete.

The former is a major problem.

[iris219]

iris ... was he cute ?

 

He's cute, but not necessarily my kind of cute. I can see that women would find him attractive. I'm willing to give it try though.

 

If he doesn't say anything, just say 'wanna go and grab some coffee/juice ?'.

 

I wouldn't ask him out; I want a guy to ask me out. I would make it clear that I'm single and let him decide what to do with that info. This has worked well in the past.

[Imajerk17]

It was on the guy to say more. You did your part by being friendly and receptive. Sounds to me that he isn't that experienced walking up to women he doesn't know and talking to them...

[Titanwolf]

Maybe he doesn't like your voice.....something to consider

[oaks]

At the gym yesterday a guy walked up to me and said, Hi, my name’s _____.” So I said, “Hi, I’m Iris.” Pause…and that was it.

 

Assuming you're both regulars at the gym, hopefully he'll remember your name and have something to say next time.

[rocketman122]

I was all sweaty with my hair falling out of a ponytail

 

Im rock hard looking at you sweaty like that..can I lick the sweat from your neck please? is what I would have asked HAHA!!No, you gave him a clear signal you were open so he should have continued. he chocked..premature conversator haha

 

is that you in your avatar?

[EasyHeart]

Assuming you're both regulars at the gym, hopefully he'll remember your name and have something to say next time.

That's a possibility. He may be thinking he'll have more opportunities to talk to you.

 

But I still think it's his burden to initiate the conversations.

[Radu]

For another 6-7 yrs anyway.

[Failboy]

That's a possibility. He may be thinking he'll have more opportunities to talk to you.

 

But I still think it's his burden to initiate the conversations.

 

 

Why are women always like that? Would you rather never actually get to know a guy you really like, just because he is "supposed" to initiate? Really? Any rational reason for this? Is it your "pride"? Or is it merely a test to be sure the guy is really interested and has the balls to initiate? Or is it just some sort of power game?

[MrCastle]

There are no moral victories for me in approaching. End game is getting a number, anything less than a number is a failure.

 

Never once in my entire life have I walked away saying "Well she didn't give me her number, but what a swell interaction with a member of the opposite sex! :D"

[EasyHeart]

Why are women always like that? Would you rather never actually get to know a guy you really like, just because he is "supposed" to initiate? Really? Any rational reason for this? Is it your "pride"? Or is it merely a test to be sure the guy is really interested and has the balls to initiate? Or is it just some sort of power game?

I'm a man. I'm the pursuer.

[SJC2008]

I wasn’t expecting a man my age to talk me while I was all sweaty with my hair falling out of a ponytail.

 

If a man is truly attracted to you he'll notice, you don't have to be all dolled up. When I was on a date last year with a woman I asked out at my store she said she looked horrible?? She had a t-shirt and jeand on and I was really attracted to her.

[RedRobin]

Why are women always like that?

 

Not all women are like that. Some think it is ok to initiate. I have many times... out of 'fairness' to men and a sincere interest in, well, just doing my part to bridge the distance.

 

Would you rather never actually get to know a guy you really like, just because he is "supposed" to initiate?

 

After trying this experiment in initiating myself, I believe the conclusion I've come to is.... yes.. I would rather never get to know the guy... I'll explain why in a sec.

 

Really?

 

I know. Crazy huh? Bear with me a sec...

 

Any rational reason for this?

 

I'll be damned if I can find a rational reason for it... My best explanation though is this... we are all socialized a certain way. Most people can't help but respond at an unconscious level to how they were socialized. In the very early stages, most people absolutely are not operating on rationality... they are operating on instinct and habit.

 

The times I've initiated, men seem to assume I'm easy or desperate (that is how they are socialized to treat assertive women) or, their interest is at best, lukewarm. Either way, signals get crossed and it becomes a mess. I end up resenting them or they end up resenting me... so I don't do it anymore.

 

Initiate, that is. I've also gotten to the point where I hold back any sign of romantic interest until I've had a chance to observe someone for awhile. Mostly because of the predominance of OLD, multi-dating and the bad habits alot of men have developed as a result. I'd rather not even give my number to a guy who is going all out with the cast-net approach.

 

Is it your "pride"?

 

No. Just the opposite. If I had my way, I'd be the one initiating... You guys have it pretty good, if you ask me. You only hit on women you are interested in. You aren't obliged to sit around and 'wait'. You don't have to ponder the motives of some random person hitting on you.

 

Most men who hit on me don't give a sh*t about getting to know me or any woman... not really. Imagine how that feels for a sec.

 

Or is it merely a test to be sure the guy is really interested and has the balls to initiate?

 

It's not rational. Sorry.

 

Or is it just some sort of power game?

 

It is for some people, sadly.

[Bristolius]

I was at the market a while back and I wanted a pack of mixed Thai chilis. But I had to wait while a woman sorted through every bag. Finally I said, "there aren't many red ones are there?" she said, "huh? No there aren't". I said, "Even in your refrigerator some will turn red over the next few days". She said, "Really?" and stepped aside. I got my chilis and went home.

 

That was the result I hoped for. True about the chilis, by the way.

[musemaj11]

I would love to have a woman I'm attracted to initiating contact with me. Unfortunately I have only been pursued by women I found undesirable. So I have always had to go for the ones I want myself.

 

By the way, women aren't the only ones often finding themselves pondering on the motives of the men showing attraction toward them. Men ponder on the motives of women who show interes in them as well.

[EasyHeart]

Unfortunately I have only been pursued by women I found undesirable.

Women would say the same thing about men.

[joystickd]

Not all women are like that. Some think it is ok to initiate. I have many times... out of 'fairness' to men and a sincere interest in, well, just doing my part to bridge the distance.

 

 

 

After trying this experiment in initiating myself, I believe the conclusion I've come to is.... yes.. I would rather never get to know the guy... I'll explain why in a sec.

 

 

 

I know. Crazy huh? Bear with me a sec...

 

 

 

I'll be damned if I can find a rational reason for it... My best explanation though is this... we are all socialized a certain way. Most people can't help but respond at an unconscious level to how they were socialized. In the very early stages, most people absolutely are not operating on rationality... they are operating on instinct and habit.

 

The times I've initiated, men seem to assume I'm easy or desperate (that is how they are socialized to treat assertive women) or, their interest is at best, lukewarm. Either way, signals get crossed and it becomes a mess. I end up resenting them or they end up resenting me... so I don't do it anymore.

 

Initiate, that is. I've also gotten to the point where I hold back any sign of romantic interest until I've had a chance to observe someone for awhile. Mostly because of the predominance of OLD, multi-dating and the bad habits alot of men have developed as a result. I'd rather not even give my number to a guy who is going all out with the cast-net approach.

 

 

 

No. Just the opposite. If I had my way, I'd be the one initiating... You guys have it pretty good, if you ask me. You only hit on women you are interested in. You aren't obliged to sit around and 'wait'. You don't have to ponder the motives of some random person hitting on you.

 

Most men who hit on me don't give a sh*t about getting to know me or any woman... not really. Imagine how that feels for a sec.

 

 

 

It's not rational. Sorry.

 

 

 

It is for some people, sadly.

Do you ever consider that women have bad habits too. Also in the big scheme of things when it comes to dating no gender has it good. We both have out challenges and until we acknowledge and accept that nothing will change. Its easy to say because of x you have it easy but have you considered that it is also a challenge. Its all a matter of perspective and having a balanced view. Just like you talk about how men don't know about sitting and waiting. When to the perspective of some men they say you have it easy when it comes to that.

[Ross MwcFan]

That she'll be attracted to me.