wjg23g Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Hey LS, Went on a date last night with a girl. Quick backstory- we've known each other for 2 years, have gone out 4-5 times 2 years ago but she got back with her long time boyfriend, and we hung out once about a yr ago. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago- she sends me a long email about how she's so sorry about that earlier episode & understands if I don't want to talk to her again, etc. We traded some emails & decided to meet up last night. We went to a baseball game, and every other inning or so, she was texting. We had good conversation & made out a little though. Game finishes at 10:15 & she says she has nothing to do & can sleep in tomorrow. We go to a bar around the corner, watch some olympics & make out a bit. At 10:30, she checks her phone & says "I have to go." We walk to the subway & she asks why I'm being quiet, so I tell her I find it incredibly strange that now she has to leave. Says she has an 1.5 hour drive home (which is true) & that her parents are worriers (she's 26 :/) and she's tired from a long day at work. We get to the stop we've usually gotten off at but she says she's getting off at the next stop. I get off, utterly befuddled. No post date texts. LS- make some sense of this for me. Did she have another date lined up for 11pm? Said she had wanted to see me, but I felt like she was bailing. Should I contact her or wait for her to get in touch? Cliffs: -girl who i've had 4-5 dates with 2 years ago sends me email regretting how previous stuff ended -we go to baseball game, good convo, make out, etc. -she frequently texts during game; says she has nothing to do & can sleep in late but 15 minutes later says she has to go home, gives excuses -taking subway back, I get for our stop but she says she's getting the next stop. I exit. -Wtf?
Radu Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 If not for the history i would have said you are crazy. You are not crazy, forget this girl. She blew you off for something else, she is an user. When she contacts you again to 'apologize' [she didn't really mean it btw], you need to say you are busy.
Emilia Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Yeah she is a user. Don't recycle OP. Once someone shows her true colours, don't bother with her again. 1
rocketman122 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 or wait for her to get in touch? Ignore her. although I dont think you will. very suspicious. she doesnt want to hurt your feelings so she's not telling the whole story. When she calls, dont be a jerk and dont show that something is wrong. just say no thank you. 2
FitChick Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 My first thought when you said she got off at the next stop instead of the usual one with you was that someone was waiting for her. This woman sounds like one of those people who always has to have someone in her life. Some men are the same. They always have someone else lined up just in case. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 (edited) I don't usually care to chime in saying the same thing everyone else said, but what the hell. I'm feeling in need of a "like". The texting during your date was rude in and of itself. The ending of the date--suddenly having to go home, getting off at the next stop, is suspicious on top pf that. Now here is where people might disagree w me: If you are truly wondering I'd send her a text saying "WTF? The way you acted was kind of rude. What was up with that." Sometimes the answer is to call people out on their bad behavior. Edited August 11, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
Author wjg23g Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Now here is where people might disagree w me: If you are truly wondering I'd send her a text saying "WTF? The way you acted was kind of rude. What was up with that." Sometimes the answer is to call people out on their bad behavior. I'd like to ask her what's up, but not sure what good it would do or what I'd even say.
Imajerk17 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 (edited) I'd like to ask her what's up, but not sure what good it would do or what I'd even say. She might tell you, she might apologize, she might be more considerate of the next guy. In the end you cared enough to come on here and ask us... something from her would probably be more satisfying and revealing. Edited August 11, 2012 by Imajerk17
AlexCross Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Maybe she had to poop geesh give her the benefit of the doubt.
Casablanca Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I'd like to ask her what's up, but not sure what good it would do or what I'd even say. I wouldnt contact her. I doubt she had another date schedule, but probably a friend asked if she wanted to hangout. She sounds like bad news
yongyong Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Unless she isn't willing to come straight to your house, don't waste your time.
FryFish Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 She's a ho.... She was likely sexting with someone your entire date and at 1030 he sent a text saying come over...
venusianx13 Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 I find the whole thing to be odd. It sounds like you were filler for her for the span of a few hours and then something "better" came up. And the fact that she thought to contact you after the lapse of the relationship that came between you in the first place two years ago seems really suspicious. Oh, and the texting thing, in and of itself, is not cool. Don't give her a second thought; she's not worth it. 1
mortensorchid Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Doesn't matter what she did/didn't do after she left you, she simply was/is not that interested in you. SHe was acting all rude, to be sure. Move on.
udolipixie Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Seems like she lost interest and decided she'd rather get off at another stop than spend more time dealing with you especially when it looks like her plans were to sleep in. Probably best suited to move on to another gal as it doesn't seem she's that invested or interested in you.
Author wjg23g Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 Update- Yesterday she texted me saying she was recovering from a bachelorette party she went to on saturday and would call me that night (last night). No call. Charming. Let's just say hypothetically speaking, she does call eventually. I do not want a relationship with this girl, only FWB. Should I call her out on her behavior or just suggest FWB. or just ignore entirely?
ChatroomHero Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 If she called and she indicates she wants to meet with you/call another time, I would ask why you should believe she would follow through and if she followed through why you should believe she would pay attention to you this time around. Do it in a non-confrontational way, but express you are not interested in being jerked around. If she still insists in meeting up, let her know you want to do it at a time when she isn't tired, her parents know she will be out late, she doesn't have to work early the next day, or no deal. Tell her you have funeral rules, the cell phone stays off and in her purse when you guys are together or no deal.
CarrieT Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Let's just say hypothetically speaking, she does call eventually. I do not want a relationship with this girl, only FWB. Should I call her out on her behavior or just suggest FWB. or just ignore entirely? I hate the ignore tactic - why be just as rude as she was? And do you really want a FWB when she is obviously not a friend? That is just as tacky. If you hear from her again, be a gentleman and just say that you don't feel you have enough of a connection or chemistry and leave it at that... 1
serial muse Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 It's clear that she's not invested in you, whatever was going on with her that night. And I'm wondering whether FWB would really work for you...I think you're more into her than the reverse, and you would feel slighted whenever she passes on getting together with you for something else - so that's just a setup for pain. Why sign up for it? Just nip it in the bud. My advice is that when she does eventually call or text you, just say "thanks but no thanks, I'm not interested".
fishtaco Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 You are the back up guy, she had a booty call lined up, hence she "had to go" and got off at a different stop. It's even possible that you didn't make the move, so she bailed to get it somewhere else. As guy, remember, it's your job to go for it. Even if this weren't the case, and she turned you down, as long as you don't become an ******* rapist, then it's "boys will be boys", no harm done, and you get to try again next time. But if you don't try, not only do you not get sex, she may even lose respect for you, and drop you into the sweet & nice but boring bucket. You shouldn't take anything seriously until things get serious. Making out doesn't mean anything. Even if you had sex with her it wouldn't mean anything. Despite the fact the LS women rank sex as something high on the serious list, I find that out in the real world, it's common for women to only pretend to rank sex as serious, because if they didn't, they're afraid they'd appear promiscuous (due to the double standard which I don't buy into personally). But really, sex is just sex. Many women are fully capable of hump and dump as much as men are. So if it's not serious, it's not serious, don't treat it as serious. When women get all flaky, which is extremely common, leave the ball in their court and date someone else. If you're dating three flaky chicks, one of them is bound to not flake at any given Friday night date night. If all three are flaking at the same time, then it's time to get a fourth one. Eventually, they'll weed themselves out, and you'll end up with a hopefully good one. And bonus, because you have other things going on, you won't appear desperate, you're not always available... etc. All these things that dating street knowledge tell you that you should pretend to be, you don't need to pretend to be, you are. Hence that piece of advice "don't be someone you're not" -- 100% true. Because you shouldn't fake it (when possible). So don't fake it, be it. 1
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