BeautyRush Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Today is my 19days of NC. I'm the dumpee. He dumped me because I met one of my best friends (female) and we didn't meet/invite him to be with us. Yes, simple as that. He's been doing this "breaking-up-taking-me-back" cycle for several times already. Lately, I can say I'm already in a state of apathy. The pain left me with virtually no more emotions for him anymore. I'm no longer sad, mad, or hurt. Numb and indifferent, I can't remember the pain anymore. It's like a temporary amnesia or I'm under a high dose of anesthesia. It's over a week now since my ex keeps on harrassing most of my closed friends and cousins (calling and texting them). I just known the terrible details yesterday. He's been telling horrible stories and provoking everyone to hate me. Last night and today, he's been threatening me nonstop (thru text) and asking me to pay the worth of gifts he has given me. He even called my cousin saying that I need to pay those things he gave to me. Now, should I really need to pay him? My cousins and friends told me not to pay him any attention since he just wants reaction from me. I've never been so humiliated like this. His most recent text was if I won't pay then he wants all the gifts back. What's the best thing to do here? I haven't broken NC yet and I don't have plans of doing so and giving him the satisfaction he seeks.
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 In a nutshell: Continue to ignore him completely. it only takes one idiot to make a fool out of him, and he's doing splendidly well without your help. Do not take the bait, do not respond, do not give him the satisfaction. If he's bothering others - they're big enough to take care of themselves, you don't need to bail them out. As far as the gifts go? Let him start legal proceedings to get them back - see how far that gets him. He's got no rights and nowhere to go with that, so he can demand payment all he likes - nobody - not even Judge Judy - would back him up..... D ignore him. 3
KatZee Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Today is my 19days of NC. I'm the dumpee. He dumped me because I met one of my best friends (female) and we didn't meet/invite him to be with us. Yes, simple as that. He's been doing this "breaking-up-taking-me-back" cycle for several times already. Lately, I can say I'm already in a state of apathy. The pain left me with virtually no more emotions for him anymore. I'm no longer sad, mad, or hurt. Numb and indifferent, I can't remember the pain anymore. It's like a temporary amnesia or I'm under a high dose of anesthesia. It's over a week now since my ex keeps on harrassing most of my closed friends and cousins (calling and texting them). I just known the terrible details yesterday. He's been telling horrible stories and provoking everyone to hate me. Last night and today, he's been threatening me nonstop (thru text) and asking me to pay the worth of gifts he has given me. He even called my cousin saying that I need to pay those things he gave to me. Now, should I really need to pay him? My cousins and friends told me not to pay him any attention since he just wants reaction from me. I've never been so humiliated like this. His most recent text was if I won't pay then he wants all the gifts back. What's the best thing to do here? I haven't broken NC yet and I don't have plans of doing so and giving him the satisfaction he seeks. Wow... your ex is a piece of sh*t. I'm sorry. He's playing the whole victim game and it's truly pathetic how low he's stooping right now. I'm glad you haven't responded. Honestly, the only time I would break NC (in this situation) is to let him know he now has a restraining order on him and if he feels the need to harass you, your friends, or family members for one second longer, he'll be thrown in jail overnight. And no. You don't have to pay for anything. Those were GIFTS. He didn't loan you money, or bail you out of anything. They were gifts. You are under no obligation to pay him back or return a thing. 3
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I think you're going to have a whole string of replies in an altogether similar vein, hun.....
Author BeautyRush Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Thanks a lot Tara and Katzee. I do appreciate your replies. I am so lost right now. My cousins and friends have been forwarding his texts to me and in fact, that best friend (whom I met that night he dumped me), she was married to my ex's bestfriend and guess what my ex did to them? First, he told my cousin (3days ago) what he will going to do to their marriage and last night, my best friend called me telling me her husband was so furious that both guys were threatening to shot each other!!! She was asking what happened and if possibly, I will call her husband to explain! I felt so bad last night because I am so clueless and don't have any idea what's going on. I feel like I caused all these troubles! He wanted the couple to separate! After few minutes of talking to her, my ex started texting me nonstop. Telling me what he had done and that we all need (the four of us) to meet up and discussed everything because it's all my fault - that I made him so mad that he went overboard and I should settle all these! Mind you, he's been bestfriend with this guy since they were 5! And now they're 34 and I'm 31! Imagine how he wasted the friendship just to ruin me! This afternoon, I asked my cousin to text my ex and tell him to stop harrassing everyone or we'll have him blottered so we can file a restraining order against him. He still insisted on the payment and telling my cousin that I don't deserve any of those gifts that's why it needed to be paid. SIGH...
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Contact people to set the record straight - but you are NOT responsible for this jerk's behaviour, no, you're not. By all means explain your side of things, but simply do whatever you need to do to put as much distance between you and him - and call the cops on him. And others must take responsibility for themselves. This is not on you. The guy's clearly diving off the deep~end - into a pool with no water....
Author BeautyRush Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Contact people to set the record straight - but you are NOT responsible for this jerk's behaviour, no, you're not. By all means explain your side of things, but simply do whatever you need to do to put as much distance between you and him - and call the cops on him. And others must take responsibility for themselves. This is not on you. The guy's clearly diving off the deep~end - into a pool with no water.... I just known his friends (the couple) few months ago, and we (the wife of his bestfriend) became really good friends (as if I've known her for years, like my lost sister). Now, I feel like they see me as the bad ones here since they've known my ex for so long. I don't even want to explain my side of story to them anymore. I feel like I don't need to defend myself. I feel so awful! I live in a small city and everyone here knows each other and the story circulated as fast as lightning! I just want to vanish, change my number and get lost. I can't handle this stupidity anymore. I am SO ashamed.
Mike_d Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 ask the friends to stop sending you over his texts, you don't need to see them, and there doesn't seem to be any new news within them. they don't serve any purpose other than to keep you in conflict, let them go and for damn sure let him go. the story doesn't matter, what matters is if he is a good partner to you and clearly you already know the answer. speaking on behalf of all men around the world, we're sorry that this guy is such a douchebag, you can and should do better. 4
madtek Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 The "breaking-up-taking-me-back" cycle is used by controlling losers. If he does this I would get rid of him sooner than later, you're better off out of there. My X did it and it ruined my life pretty much, don't suffer emotional abuse - get out and do your best to forget him
Author BeautyRush Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 UPDATE: The wife of his bestfriend informed me yesterday that my ex went to their home and threw a fit, screaming and blaming her for our breakup. The couple wasn't home at that time. Her old parents are living with them and witnessed the chaos. The elderly couple were so shaken and wasn't able to sleep that night. Now, they wanted me to contact my ex and explain to him why I'm doing NC and that I should make him understand to stop harassing and not blame everyone for the breakup. I feel so bitter and weak right now. How could they not understand what I've been thru with this guy? If I am going to break NC, I am 100% sure I will breakdown and get lost again. This morning, I wokeup to about 12 texts from my ex, still blaming everyone, asking back for his gifts,etc etc. I can't do this anymore. Maybe I should implement NC to this couple, as well. I told them I can help them with the police report. Instead, they suggest I should talk to my ex.
Garfish Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Wait a minute, he's the one that broke up with you and he's blaming other people for it and trying to get you back after HE dumped you? Weird... forget him. As for the gifts they're all yours. 1
Author BeautyRush Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 ask the friends to stop sending you over his texts, you don't need to see them, and there doesn't seem to be any new news within them. they don't serve any purpose other than to keep you in conflict, let them go and for damn sure let him go. the story doesn't matter, what matters is if he is a good partner to you and clearly you already know the answer. speaking on behalf of all men around the world, we're sorry that this guy is such a douchebag, you can and should do better. Thank you so much, Mike. I can feel that they all blamed me for all these troubles my ex caused to them. I am not ready to talk to my ex. I am doing my best to heal and move on while my ex keeps on harassing everyone, esp to the family of his bestfriend. His bestfriend and his wife don't want me to file a police report (after what happened yesterday) because (I think) they're afraid of my ex.
Author BeautyRush Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 The "breaking-up-taking-me-back" cycle is used by controlling losers. If he does this I would get rid of him sooner than later, you're better off out of there. My X did it and it ruined my life pretty much, don't suffer emotional abuse - get out and do your best to forget him Hi Madtek, I read your post. I am truly sorry for what happened to you. Please, be strong. It's not easy but try to surround yourself with families and friends who love you and appreciate you. Go to the gym or run. It will make a difference, trust me. I've been doing trekking, lately and intensive workouts. I was so shocked with my progress. The more I sweat out, the better I feel. It's never too late. 1
SadPanda22 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Don't break NC!! Block your ex from texting, calling, e-mailing you...block him from everything. If it is necessary to go NC with this couple, then do it. They don't seem like they are going to be helpful in your healing process, especially considering that they are encouraging you to contact your ex. Even if you did call him and explain why you were doing NC, he would still blame everyone else and act like a lunatic. It is a terrible shame that your ex threw a fit and scared an elderly couple, but it's not your fault. He, and he alone, is responsible for his actions and behavior. It isn't your job to clean up his messes or make apologies for him. He isn't your child, he is your ex. 2
Author BeautyRush Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Wait a minute, he's the one that broke up with you and he's blaming other people for it and trying to get you back after HE dumped you? Weird... forget him. As for the gifts they're all yours. Yes. He's been doing this breakup/makeup thing ever since. I was so fed up that when he started throwing the breakup game 3weeks ago, I immediately initiated NC. Now, he's going gaga and is out destroying everyone.
Author BeautyRush Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Don't break NC!! Block your ex from texting, calling, e-mailing you...block him from everything. If it is necessary to go NC with this couple, then do it. They don't seem like they are going to be helpful in your healing process, especially considering that they are encouraging you to contact your ex. Even if you did call him and explain why you were doing NC, he would still blame everyone else and act like a lunatic. It is a terrible shame that your ex threw a fit and scared an elderly couple, but it's not your fault. He, and he alone, is responsible for his actions and behavior. It isn't your job to clean up his messes or make apologies for him. He isn't your child, he is your ex. It's so frustrating and crippling, Panda. The wife is texting me to call her right now. I am so hesitant to reply or ring her, so I haven't replied yet. I can't deal with this anymore. This is so unbearable. Now that I have seemed to feel better from the breakup, here goes another problem and is demanding me to take action the soonest or everyone will hate me. My ex is mentality ill, for sure. He has traits of BPD and there is no way I'm going to let myself go thru with that hell again. Just the thought of talking to him makes me cringe.
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Call the Police, and explain everything to them. Get an restraining order injunction against him. This couple will have to do the same - BUT THAT'S ON THEM! BUT stick with it gal - I promise - this too shall pass.....
SadPanda22 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 If someone would actually hate you or blame you for your ex's behavior, than they are not worth remaining in contact with. He broke up with you, you went NC (best thing you can do for yourself btw), and now he is the one throwing fits? Get out of here, this whole situation is too ridiculous. I am frustrated for you. Instead of being able to focus on yourself and your healing process, you are having to deal with this nonsense. Don't call her back. You already offered to help her file a police report (which she declined), she is only going to tell you to call your ex...which you are not going to do.
Author BeautyRush Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 UPDATE: It's been a month and 3 days since I started NC. And today, I wokeup to my ex calling me and texting me nonstop. I decided to left my cellphone at home and went for a short trip with my family today. When I came home early tonight, I had like around 20 text msgs from him and until now the texts keep on coming. He went from asking the gifts back or paying him the worth of all the gifts he has given me, to wanting to confirm me if I want him to join us (me and cousins) on our 10day trip to this island getaway (I was the one who booked (airfare/hotel/tour packages) us on this trip 2 weeks before the BU), to accusing me of meeting someone there or having a boyfriend, to calling me "baby", to getting mad again because I wasn't replying and went back to insisting that I should pay the gifts. And now? Guess what? He's pleading to meet him now for the last time because he might die tomorrow. As if trying to say that he's going to kill himself if I won't show up now? He lives just 15 mins drive from my place. Should I finally break NC and talk to him? This guy is losing it! Ugh! His texts keeps coming still while I'm writing this! And I'm about to lose it as well! Whatta nutsy! He wants a closure from me.
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 (edited) And now? Guess what? He's pleading to meet him now for the last time because he might die tomorrow. Ah well, you can always hope.... (Did I say that 'out loud'....?! ) We might all - that doesn't give us licence to be dumb stupid manic, crazy idiots.... As if trying to say that he's going to kill himself if I won't show up now? No, as in, "Who knows what twist of fate lies in store for us'...? He lives just 15 mins drive from my place. Should I finally break NC and talk to him? Err.... No. No. No. No. NOOO!! Nooooo-hooooo Non. Nyet. Nein. Nicht. oh, and....... No. This guy is losing it! Ugh! Hah - I think you'll find he 'lost it' long ago....! His texts keeps coming still while I'm writing this! And I'm about to lose it as well! Whatta nutsy! He wants a closure from me. Turn the damn thing off! Don't you go losing it as well! Turn it off, stuff it under your pillow, block his number, the lot! Come on girl - you made it this far!! He will never get closure from you - that's NOT what he wants! He wants you to weaken and answer him - because then?? Then - he's got you! And it's all the way back down to square one!! STAY STRONG!!! Edited August 26, 2012 by TaraMaiden 1
Author BeautyRush Posted August 26, 2012 Author Posted August 26, 2012 Tara! You're the besttt! Your replies always (ALWAYS) make me feel better! A LOT LOT LOTTTTTT Better! Thank you SO MUCH! People here are the greatest! You guys make me stronger by giving me strength to stick to NC!
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2012 Posted August 26, 2012 Really, I think the only reason you'd respond to him now, is to just SHUT HIM UP, FER CHRISSAKES!! But... you know it won't actually do that, will it? It will have the complete opposite effect. There's the tragedy... Really, stay strong, persevere, and don't fall for his hokum... He's an idiot. He's gone from cold, to hot, to cold, to hot again...he doesn't need a psychiatrist, he needs a plumber - to sort his plums out! Swift blow with a torque wrench - that should re-focus his mind wonderfully!! 1
Author BeautyRush Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 Really, I think the only reason you'd respond to him now, is to just SHUT HIM UP, FER CHRISSAKES!! But... you know it won't actually do that, will it? It will have the complete opposite effect. There's the tragedy... Really, stay strong, persevere, and don't fall for his hokum... He's an idiot. He's gone from cold, to hot, to cold, to hot again...he doesn't need a psychiatrist, he needs a plumber - to sort his plums out! Swift blow with a torque wrench - that should re-focus his mind wonderfully!! Hahahahaha! I was laughing out loud reading this! How come it feels so good when we laugh at them now? While looking back, ugh! It was a hell, indeed!
Author BeautyRush Posted August 28, 2012 Author Posted August 28, 2012 UPDATE: Late this afternoon, I was with my cousin doing groceries. I was too focus with reading and choosing some good brands when suddenly, there he was! Standing and smiling! I was like, !!! I don't even know how to react! Imagine, the last time we've seen each other was late afternoon of July 23rd and it was a bad memory! He was trying to say something and I just passed him by as if I saw nothing. So, he went and talked to my cousin, instead! I went to the cashier and paid my purchases and my cousin caught up with me while he was there like a sick puppy following my cousin. Still, he followed us out to my car, then he asked me if we could talk for few mins. Ughhhh god! I really didn't want to say anything to him but he won't closed my car door if I won't response, so I just said, we'll talk on the phone later. And he went " Okay, take my calls, alright?" Now, he keeps on calling and texting me. And yes, even while writing this my phone is ringing! His text says " Can I call you, now?" "I won't talk other things except for the tickets" He really wants to come with us on our 10day holiday trip on Sept 1st. My cousins have been telling him that he isn't allowed to come anymore but he wants to hear it straight from me! Ughhh! Should I break NC now and tell him straightly that he needs to get lost?! I don't even know if I already broke NC because of what happened this afternoon...
TaraMaiden Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 No, you didn't break NC. You did ther only thing you could - and you acted absolutely correctly. Now, yes - you can text him.. "Get lost" is perfect....! THEN - Delete, block, ignore!! 2
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