mwood92 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two and a half years. We are both pretty young (I'm 20 and he is 22) and we are in a long distance relationship. Over the past year I have noticed my boyfriend hasn't been as involved in the relationship as when we first started dating. Being in a long distance relationship has been pretty challenging for both of us as we have difficult communicating and staying in contact (I feel that I'm initiating the contact a lot of the time). We try and text/call a couple times a day and try to visit each other every two weeks. I've noticed lately that whenever my boyfriend and I get in a fight or if he doesn't visit like he said he would or something happens he turns off his phone and/or completely shuts me out. I initially assumed it was just a way for him to deal with his feelings and that he needed his space but now I'm starting to think of it differently (maybe as a hint that he wants to break-up?), especially with the news he recently dropped on me. Two days ago he told me that he isn't sure of our relationship and has been thinking about it for a while. Today he told me that he isn't sure if he loves me or not as this is his first real relationship (it is mine as well). We've talked a lot about the situation and he told me that when we are together he is happy and stuff. But he also said he isn't sure what the future holds for him and I think he is having commitment issues. He says he will call me tomorrow to let me know what he wants to do. I really do not want to break up with him but I'm unsure of what I should do. Any suggestions/advice?
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 You're going to hate the standard, stereotypical response, but you two guys are too young to commit. It's about as rare as rocking-horse poo for a 'first love' to last until the end of time... it happens, sure, but then the people concerned are both committed with 100% certainty - and of course, as you've gathered by now, he isn't. Worse to say, it's probably because another young lady has caught his eye and caused stirring in his loins...which is what he' saying... he's breaking up with you, but he';s pussyfooting around to try to spoare your feelings. but really, all he's done is create a shroud of uncertainty. You need to let go of this. LDRs for such a young pair is not a good start, and there is more to be said for you two being free to live lives closer to home, than trying to maintain something at a distance. It's not what you wanted to hear, but I think his heart has already left the building - and one person trying to hold it together - never works.
Author mwood92 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I definitely agree and knew that going into the relationship. I definitely do not expect marriage or anything with him. I just really love him and as this is my first serious relationship, its hard to let go. Something that I should add is that he has been really stressed about his college/work situation lately (he is worried he won't graduate on time and he isn't getting many hours at his job so he is having a hard time paying his bills) and I'm wondering if that has been influencing how he feels about us as a couple.
Raegis Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Without doubt, you both need to concentrate on the future. If he feels that being with you is stressing him out in addition to those other things you listed, then it might be time to part ways. Nothing bad-intended or anything. As far as I see, these are normal problems in a long distance relationship. It's hard to let go, but it's necessary. Allow me to hurl cliche-ness at you - if you two are meant to be, then it will be. You want to first have a future in sight and then add the guy onto it - not make the guy your whole future. And the distance doesn't help. You could consider the real-deal without the distance in a couple years, always remember that. And I wish you the best of luck!
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