TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 ....... i can only assume he meant what he said about loving me, but this amount of time is ridiculous. You're absolutely right. the first words you should say when you ring him are "Hi, remember me?" Call him, and then just wait and see what he has to say. Put as little input into the discussion as you can, let him fill the silences....
Author aevf39 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 kk that is what i will do this will for sure be the most awkward conversation i have had in a long time.
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 No. I think he will be the awkward one - you may just get very, very angry.....
Author aevf39 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 im more nervous and scared than angry.. if he dumps be after all of this effort i have put in then i will be pissed. not talking to someone for this long is insane and very hard for me. im sure he has moved on.. too bad i followed the monogamous break that we agreed to
TaraMaiden Posted August 19, 2012 Posted August 19, 2012 Well, wait and see what he has to say for himself. Why are you nervous? Don't be nervous! This guy has some explaining to do - first of all, why hasn't he called you....? come on girl - shoulders back, deep breath - bring it on, buddy - !! 1
Author aevf39 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 thank you so much.. and i am nervous because a break is not normally something i would think to be normal in a ldr, but i did my best and gave him an abnormal amount of space and he could be completely over it and i am not... ill do my best to be cool, but that is totally not my personality. awkward and anxious typically sums it up pretty well
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 i called at 5. left a voicemail. he texted me at 10:30 saying hed call me tomorrow after work..... great. doesnt sound promising. any advice?
mortensorchid Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I don't buy that "on a break". This isn't an episode of Friends and we don't have teams of writers figuring out our destinies. When one says they want to take a break, or "take a step back", that means it's over with. You might get together once or twice after, but he's really not interested or fears being with you. Someone pulled that one on me about a year and a half ago, he said he was trying to get over someone else from about six months before. Of course I never heard from him again and he has a new gf. Move on.
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 i called at 5. left a voicemail. he texted me at 10:30 saying hed call me tomorrow after work..... great. doesnt sound promising. any advice? He texted you at 10.30? Why didn't he 'call' you at 10.30....? No, you're right - it doesn't. I'd be torn between letting him do that, and texting him back - 'if it's to make this r. work, great. if it isn't - don't bother.' But no - let him do the work....
kaylan Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 Keep some self respect and just tell him its over. Ever since I started dating I have always maintained a position that if a girl wants a break, then we are done. You need to adopt the same position OP.
TaraMaiden Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 This ^ ^ ^ is a great post OP and although it seems to pull no punches, it's a hard truth - but a truth all the same. Six weeks - the whole summer - hell, my H can't go 6 hours without talking to me. I have a reputation on this forum for being a no-holds-barred, tell-it-like-it-is bitch, sometimes. Truth to say, I held back from giving you both barrels, because I've been trying to modify my attitude, and you're young. But I have been tempted all down the line to give you something of this nature. And now someone else has done it. And i back it, 100%
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 He texted you at 10.30? Why didn't he 'call' you at 10.30....? No, you're right - it doesn't. I'd be torn between letting him do that, and texting him back - 'if it's to make this r. work, great. if it isn't - don't bother.' But no - let him do the work.... i let him do that because for all i know he was busy and just checked his phone then.. he isnt super attached to it all the time so theres a chance. and he usually goes to bed around then because he gets up early for work. i plan on letting him to do the work. i wish i could read his mind. im prepared for the worst, but really would like to make this work.
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 i understand where you are coming from.. i know i was being needy at the end of the relationship but that was because things changed so drastically in our relationship. we were talking sooooo often and then less because of his job. i know its unrealistic. i never said that this break would work or that i knew for a fact he wanted to be together. all i know is that he told me he loved me and wanted a future and a break was the only option i had because i did not want to break up. it didnt ruin my summer. this last week has been rough, but other than that, i distracted myself and worked to become a person i was more comfortable with and who didnt need him in my life. i just love him. i am always optimistic and cant help it. we have been together for a long time and i took what he said seriously. for all i know he has a new chick... its hard to face reality sometimes, but i will know later today for sure. i am not going to cry or beg or yell. i didnt do that before when we decided this because i know that just pushes him away. i miss him and this sucks. after this conversation, i will move on if need be. i just wish he would realize its me.. i know im not perfect and that i can be needy, but i did a lot of work on myself during this break to try and fix that. i know im a catch and that i offer a lot more than most girls. i wish he would remember that. im sad and confused. this situation is far from ideal and i am sure it will be over this afternoon as well.
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 i know i can be needy. and i know he isnt perfect either. we both have issues. i was especially needy since our relationship changed a lot recently. and i did not mean to come across as pathetic as i did in the posts, but i just care for the kid. i have never been in this situation and the closer it got, the more i panicked about the conversation and how it went. we both are pretty young (early and mid twenties) and he is my first serious boyfriend. thats why i came here for advice. i went into this break hoping for the best because thats what i was told by him. it didnt make sense to me that he would agree to it if he wanted me gone. in the past, he has proven to be okay with breaking up and not contacting me or responding to anything at all. (we broke up once before for 4 weeks) in the end, i respect the guy and if its over then thats fine. i have a lot of other stuff to focus on and will be fine.
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 well he broke up with me.. and yeah i did. i dated quite a bit actually. after the four weeks he came begging back and apologized and said he didnt date anyone and got upset when he found out i did. not mad, but he wasnt too happy about it. when i told him i was trying to move on he didnt like that either.. before the break i tried to tell him to put himself in that place where he said he wanted to be with me forever and couldnt not talk for that long since it had only been THREE MONTHS before. maybe a little less than that. we were doing great and he put in a ton of effort and then he started his summer job and was a little less available and i made the mistake of wanting to talk just as much as before. i honestly just dont know what to do in this crazy situation. i love him and wouldnt have waited this long if i didnt. i used the time wisely, but i dont have any clue as to what he is thinking so that is making me anxious
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 i just dated. i didnt sleep with anyone else.. and punishment seems incredibly insane. if that is what he is doing, what is the point? do you think there is anything i should do when he calls to try to make it work (or if there is anything i could do)? or just let him take control? it just seems so silly.
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Well I would listen to what he has to say but that doesn't mean you should remain mute. I have a funny feeling that he is not over you going out with other men and was deeply hurt by it, and by him initiating this break, this will be his turn to even the playing field. I could be wrong but that is the impression that I get. He seems like a tit for tat kinda guy. yeah i wont be mute because this doesnt make sense to me. and its not like his text was horrible. he tends to always respond like that no matter the situation. and he is the one that dumped me! i didnt date anyone worthwhile and i told him that. i didnt even kiss anyone because the dates were that bad. i really dont know if he is tit for tat. i never thought of that before, but who knows? this is beyond confusing. i wish i could say that no matter the outcome i will be happy, but i do want to stay together. i may propose a meeting and to start slow because we didnt do that before. after the last breakup we both just jumped back in without discussing the problems.
colombiana28 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 One of my friends desperately wants out of his relationship with his high school sweetheart ( they're in their mid twenties now, so 7-8 yr relationship). but he's too chicken s*** to just end it. they've gone on so many breaks and she's counted down the days every time and he has literally just hope that she would disappear. guys are weird. I hate to say it but I guarantee you he wants to break up. if I were you I would just move on immediately, without talking to him, but that's just me.
colombiana28 Posted August 20, 2012 Posted August 20, 2012 I also guarantee you that is not holding on to any spite from your previous break up. it really just sounds like he's over everything and wants to move on but he's just scared to break up with you
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Why would he be afraid to break up? I'd much rather him get it over with
Author aevf39 Posted August 20, 2012 Author Posted August 20, 2012 Saying he loves me and sees a future and agreeing to a break makes it much worse for me. I take what he says seriously.. I guess I'm dumb
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