TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 great question.. i would tell the person to do what they think is best for them ... ...and so, what do you think would be best, for you? And I do think you also need to think of yourself in this.... 1
Author aevf39 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 i dont know what i think would be best. i think i would be disappointed in myself if i didnt wait until after the break because i have put so much work in, but i am getting mentally drained from this waiting. i guess ill see how i feel tomorrow, monday, and tuesday and make a move depending on if i get to the point where i would rather know than anything else
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I would personally suggest - as he set the limit - that you ahve every right to call him. when it's time. but do call him - and if he says "I was going to call you" just tell him that 'someone had to break the ice - and what happens now?'
Author aevf39 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Well he is cutting it pretty close, but for all we know he could be counting the days until it would be "acceptable" to contact you again. If he doesn't contact you the day after your break ends, then I'd suggest asking him how he's feeling, to give him a chance to tell you what's on his mind. You'll be able to tell the state he's in from his response. Though I do think he'll contact you before the deadline (feels like we're trying diffuse a bomb here) Edit- I have to apologise if I'm putting you on edge. That's not my intention. what would be the best way to contact? call? text? do i just say "hi how are you?" you arent putting my on edge. im already there lol. im just trying to sort out my ideas and others opinions and see what i think would be best.. i dont want to lose this guy. i care for him a lot and i dont know the best way to think about it. i dont know if i should feel like 'oh well he probably has his mind made up and me contacting him wont make a difference' or think that i have gone this far, why not wait until after Tuesday???
Author aevf39 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I would personally suggest - as he set the limit - that you ahve every right to call him. when it's time. but do call him - and if he says "I was going to call you" just tell him that 'someone had to break the ice - and what happens now?' when you say "when it's time" do you mean for me? or after Tuesday? and i will call.. just nervous about a possible break up and that i have NO IDEA what he is thinking lol
Titanwolf Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 "I was going to call you" just tell him that 'someone had to break the ice - and what happens now?' Doesn't that sound a little sour? just reading that put me on the defensive. Though I do agree with you, ultimately OP it's down to you to make the best decision for you.
Author aevf39 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Doesn't that sound a little sour? just reading that put me on the defensive. Though I do agree with you, ultimately OP it's down to you to make the best decision for you. but do you think me contacting before the end date could push him away? would it push you away? i dont know if he even knows the exact date... i dont know anything from his perspective obviously
veggirl Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 No texting. You'll need to actually pick up the phone and call. Good luck.. 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Doesn't that sound a little sour? just reading that put me on the defensive. Though I do agree with you, ultimately OP it's down to you to make the best decision for you. it may sound sour to you, but when other people play piper and call the tune, it can feel as if you've been tossed out on a limb. she's respected his space - even though it's clearly ripping her poor little heart out - and I have a deep suspicion that having let this much time elapse, he will not be in any hurry to re-establish contact. I personally, after such a long time, would be feeling a little 'abused' by circumstance. so I advised she wait until Tuesday (yes, it's hard, and your stomach must be in knots, aevf39) but i think that if she waits until Tuesday for him to contact her, she will actually be calling him Tuesday evening to see what the deal is - because he won't have rung her. I believe she even admits that possibly, he's lost track of time and date....
Titanwolf Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 but do you think me contacting before the end date could push him away? would it push you away? i dont know if he even knows the exact date... i dont know anything from his perspective obviously Tbh, it'd depend on where I was, in terms of recovery. If I was already relieved of stress by that point, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'd be happy to know that after all that time, she was still thinking about me. I agree with Veggirl though, it might be in your best interest to pick up the phone and call him, considering 1) It's causing you a lot of pain and 2) you're not even sure he knows when the exact end-date is. Edit- ^^ It's a matter of patience I think. 1
Author aevf39 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 it may sound sour to you, but when other people play piper and call the tune, it can feel as if you've been tossed out on a limb. she's respected his space - even though it's clearly ripping her poor little heart out - and I have a deep suspicion that having let this much time elapse, he will not be in any hurry to re-establish contact. I personally, after such a long time, would be feeling a little 'abused' by circumstance. so I advised she wait until Tuesday (yes, it's hard, and your stomach must be in knots, aevf39) but i think that if she waits until Tuesday for him to contact her, she will actually be calling him Tuesday evening to see what the deal is - because he won't have rung her. I believe she even admits that possibly, he's lost track of time and date.... thank you for this! as of right now, i am going to wait until tuesday. i have a feeling i will be getting dumped, but whatever. i did everything in my power to make it work. if he doesnt see that and wants to explore other options its his loss! 2
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I'm going to say no more until you come in with an update - but if this is going to work, be sure you act like a dignified self-respecting young lady - not like some drooling puppy with an adoring nature. see you next week - fingers crossed!! 2
Author aevf39 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Tbh, it'd depend on where I was, in terms of recovery. If I was already relieved of stress by that point, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'd be happy to know that after all that time, she was still thinking about me. I agree with Veggirl though, it might be in your best interest to pick up the phone and call him, considering 1) It's causing you a lot of pain and 2) you're not even sure he knows when the exact end-date is. Edit- ^^ It's a matter of patience I think. as desperate as it is to contact him on the exact date, that is the plan for right now. i cant just be left here sitting beyond our agreement. i dont know what he has been doing.. or when he finished his summer job or when he starts his new one or anything. so the stress may or may not be present. i have been very patient. so i will do my best to keep that up until the end of this 6 weeks, but i cant go beyond that. i hope he hasnt moved on since i obvioulsy havent :/ 1
veggirl Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Girl it's not desperate to contact him on the exact date. You guys agreed to that date. Don't worry so much about what he thinks about you or how you look. It is what it is, the little waiting games and whatnot isn't going to change anything. Goodluck and let us know what happens Tues.
Author aevf39 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 i just talked to my best friend and she said her boyfriend said that if i contact him first that it will come across as needy? is that true? this entire break has been to prove that i am not always needy and can give him his space should i be more stubborn about this and just wait and maybe move on? or give into my emotions and figure out whats going on?
Titanwolf Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 i just talked to my best friend and she said her boyfriend said that if i contact him first that it will come across as needy? is that true? this entire break has been to prove that i am not always needy and can give him his space should i be more stubborn about this and just wait and maybe move on? or give into my emotions and figure out whats going on? Also, I'm almost certain, calling him prematurely won't go down too well. He asked for a certain amount of time, any time before that may cause him to view you as needy As I previously said.
Author aevf39 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 is there any way of knowing if he has moved on Titanwolf? do you think he will just not contact me? would you ever do that to your gf? weve been together for 2.5 years.. so you think i should just keep waiting no matter how long?
Titanwolf Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 is there any way of knowing if he has moved on Titanwolf? do you think he will just not contact me? would you ever do that to your gf? weve been together for 2.5 years.. so you think i should just keep waiting no matter how long? Ok first things first, you need to find a way to relax, because the following days are going to be a pain in the ass for you if you're this erratic. Now, the only way you'll know is when you contact him (or when/if he contacts you). I can't say for certain either way, but you will have your answer by Tuesday if you just wait a while. Veggirl gave you some good advice that I agree with. Unfortunately, I can't predict this man's behaviour because I don't know him. Try to relax
Author aevf39 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 Ok first things first, you need to find a way to relax, because the following days are going to be a pain in the ass for you if you're this erratic. Now, the only way you'll know is when you contact him (or when/if he contacts you). I can't say for certain either way, but you will have your answer by Tuesday if you just wait a while. Veggirl gave you some good advice that I agree with. Unfortunately, I can't predict this man's behaviour because I don't know him. Try to relax sorry i know. i keep getting worked up. you say tuesday, but if he doesnt contact me then, then that means i will have to which you said is needy. im trying to relax..
Titanwolf Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 sorry i know. i keep getting worked up. you say tuesday, but if he doesnt contact me then, then that means i will have to which you said is needy. im trying to relax.. Isn't the deadline on Tuesday? if it is, you are perfectly in the right to contact him. That's not being needy at all. You're just holding him to his word, which he would have to understand. Occupy yourself with something, watch a movie, talk to a friend, do something because sitting idly by is allowing your thoughts to fester in your mind, making you uneasy.
Author aevf39 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 Isn't the deadline on Tuesday? if it is, you are perfectly in the right to contact him. That's not being needy at all. You're just holding him to his word, which he would have to understand. Occupy yourself with something, watch a movie, talk to a friend, do something because sitting idly by is allowing your thoughts to fester in your mind, making you uneasy. oh okay. i thought you meant contacting him at all would be needy. it will be six week tuesday... so i guess thats when ill make the call sorry i just got worried with my friends bf said that i should wait because he decided to take the break and not me. this is complicated lol and i will stay distracted! i have a lot to do. now that its getting close i keep guessing if he will call or not 1
Titanwolf Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 oh okay. i thought you meant contacting him at all would be needy. it will be six week tuesday... so i guess thats when ill make the call sorry i just got worried with my friends bf said that i should wait because he decided to take the break and not me. this is complicated lol and i will stay distracted! i have a lot to do. now that its getting close i keep guessing if he will call or not Great, now close this tab! 1
veggirl Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Calling your BOYFRIEND on a day he specified the break would be over is now needy?! What? Look, it come off as "needy" if he is not into you anymore. If he wants a R with you, it won't look needy. If he wants the same thing as you (for you guys to be together) he will be happy to hear from you. If he isn't happy to hear from you, he doesn't want to be with you. It's really that simple.. 1
Author aevf39 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 thanks! this break thing is complicated. hopefully he kept his word and does consider me his girlfriend still at least i wont be wasting anymore time in this grey area after tuesday! and the thing is we never said a date.. we said 6 weeks which is tuesday. i dont remember if it was him saying he would contact me when his life was in order or the time mattered most or what because it was so long ago, but i am just going to stick with the time we decided which was 6 weeks. (i remember saying mid august too) but that entire conversation was somewhat of a blur
Author aevf39 Posted August 19, 2012 Author Posted August 19, 2012 okkkkkkkkkkk. the 6 week break was over tuesday. so he hasnt called. granted i doubt he knows when the break was really over and he said he would when he had less on his plate. i said the 6 weeks.. so should i call tomorrow night? we both start class monday and i dont want this weighing on my mind. its getting old. i can only assume he meant what he said about loving me, but this amount of time is ridiculous.
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