My story..just needing to vent

[PurpleStar]

Well i moved to this new university abroad and everything was going great at first until i met him. from the beginning i knew he had an on and off long distance girlfriend and he told me he wasnt looking for anything serious, just wanted a friendship and if i wanted to have sex every now and then, it was ok with him too....that should have been a big big red flag that i ignored cause he was so charming. i had a bad break up last year and i longed for the attention and wanting to be hugged and touched and cared for and the sexual chemistry was so intense with him i couldnt say no....plus literally, he lives RIGHT NEXT TO ME in the dormitory building.

 

2-3 months passed...we would text everyday and he would come see me at night everyday, most of the time we would talk and laugh, he told me many things about him, he has cheated on his gf so many times with so many girls before but somehow i thought that he would be different with me and even though it crossed my mind that he would have others at the same time he was "seeing" me, i never put much thought into it maybe because i was afraid of the answer.....one night i was drunk and confessed my feelings to him and he decided we should end it, whatever we had going on and just be friends and set some boundaries...i was devastated cause i didnt want him to distance himself from me because i started having feelings for him but i thought maybe it would be for the best...

 

we kept on talking though things were still a bit weird and then after 2 weeks we went back to the same routine until i found out he had a secret relationship with two other girls at the same time as me and it crushed me. i had all these feelings of not being good enough because ..why would he go look for other girls when he had me and i did everything to keep him happy? well i cried and yelled and told him i didnt want to hear from him again and asked him to stay away and then 2 days later i would go knock on his door and say i was sorry and i didnt want him to stay away..it went on like this for a week...if i had a moment of weakness i would cry and tell him its over but as soon as i felt like i had made a mistake and it was me pushing him away i would go find him...

 

Soon enough he told me he was seeing a new girl and she wanted to get married soon and bla bla...he was tlaking to me as if i was just a friend and nothing had happened between us...it hurt but i tried to bite my lip and just be there for him as a friend. later i met the other girl he had been seeing while at the same time as me and i talked to her and cried with her because she was also feeling the rejection from him and she was in love with him. she was a very nice girl and we both felt we had been mistreated....first it felt nice to have someone to talk to who shared the same feelings although it was weird talking to her and knowing just last week she had slept with him and hearing all the things he would tell both of us "you are special, i care a lot about you, you are wonderful".

 

i tried to be his friend and be her friend but things just got sour....she went and told him some things i trusted her with and he got angry with me for talking to her about him and it was this stupid little triangle...i started feelings jealous of her bevause i would see them talking all the time and i knew he cared a lot about her and she had feelings for her so...was i supposed to just smile at them and give them a pat in the back?

 

for the past two weeks ive tried cutting back contact but i have seen him with other girls....he lives right next to em and i have heard him having sex before...it hurt me so bad and even hearing him in there talking to girls or watching a movie with a friend hurts because....i keep thinking....that used to be me. he used to see me and talk to me everyday and then he just stopped and moved on to other girls. it has left me feeling really bad and my self esteem so low! i feel like i was not pretty enough, not funny enough, not charming enough....i keep thinking i said something wrong, i did something wrong, i shouldnt have told him i had feelings for him, i shouldnt have cried and broken down infront of him, i should have been nicer, i should have been more understanding......its exhausting to try and see where the mistake was because now he doesnt want me and i keep trying ot make him to want me back...it got to the point where i would ask him to come over to have sex with me whereas before he would be the one coming late at night and it made me feel wanted and desired and now i was the one asking and sometimes he would say no or im busy...the last time he said im with a girl in my room....and i felt humilliated and....honestly i dont know how to get out of this madness...ive distanced myself from him but still seeing him around, hearing him around, he lives right next to me, theres no other open rooms in the dormitory so i cannot move away, what do i do?

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Okay, first of all what this guy is doing is not a result of anything that you did. This guy is a user. He sees girls an objects. The crappy thing about users is they lack any moral fiber they can easily manipulate you. Hence all the "sweet nothings" they say that draw you in in the first place.

 

Second, you need to never contact his guy again. He's a complete tool, womanizer, and he's going to keep doing what he's doing with girls for awhile if not forever. He does not see you as a person. This is not your fault. It's not any of the girls faults. But you need to find a way to see through all of this and you need to find a way to respect yourself and get away.

 

If there is ANYWAY for you to get away from where you are so you do not have to see or hear from him, I think that would be the best option. If you're absolutely stuck there then it's going to take a lot of will power but you need to act like he doesn't exist. If you do this, I promise you that given time you will see this as***** user for what he is and you'll feel disgusted for ever feeling anything for him in the first place.

 

And you'll eventually find a guy that blows this guy out of the water and you'll wonder why you were ever hung up on him in the first place.

 

I'd be willing to bet my life savings on it.

[PurpleStar]

thank you both i am trying my best to stay busy and not go look for him although some nights when i feel lonely and i go out to the balcony and see the light in his room on its so tempting to go knock on his door cause we used to do it all the time...he would come over or i would go over sighhh

 

i understand we were never in a relationship and i cannot really say i fell in love with him but i had feelings for him and it hurts me either way...when i see him around, i try to smile, say hello and keep on walking...

[PurpleStar]

Well this afternoon I saw a girl go into his room, the one he was sleeping with at the same time he was with me, and it hurt me but i tried to brush it off and go out for a walk and get my mind off of it...just now i was trying to look up at the sky to see if i could see the meteor shower and i saw the new girl hes been seeing go knock on his door and then him coming down the hallway to meet her and i walked back to my room and walked RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and he kept his look down the whole time and didnt even look up to see me or say hello but...i know he saw me...

 

he says im immature and i should be over this and why do i just cause drama and why cant we just be friends like before...but he does nothing to hide all the nasty **** he does and its right there infront of my eyes the whole time and the fact that he wants to be friends but didnt even say hello or look up to see me?.....am i just supposed to pretend it doesnt bother me and smile and be ok with all of this?! two nights ago it was a kroean girl, this afternoon it was a chinese girl, and now its another girl...and im being emotionally immature because i cannot put this behind me and just be his "friend"....

[PurpleStar]

Well this weekend was a bit difficult...not a lot of sleeping, not a lot of eating, saw him yesterday and he tried to make small talk but im tired of hearing about all these girls from his past and his present cause thats all he talks about pretty much...i have deleted his number even tho...i already know it by heart and he lives right next to me so its not like i wont eventually bump into him or anything. i will try to avoid being out in the lobby area around the time he comes back from work and such..i hate that i will be trying to avoid him but..what other choice do i have? i need this time to get over this and not let it affect me so much and i need to get some sleep and...meditate or something cause i keep thinking hes next door with someone and...how can i anyone sleep calmly?

[PurpleStar]

Yea i figured...i need to start watching a series or reality show or soemthing...ive been following americas got talent but...i need something else...any suggestions? anything i can find on hulu cause i dont actually live in the USA

 

i dont feel like getting out of bed today i dont feel like leaving my room at all

[PurpleStar]

i wrote a letter...im pretty sure its not a good idea to send it or if he will even care about it but....idk...part of me just really wants him to feel bad about how he treated me..

 

"there were many nights i waited for you to come and ask how i was doing but you just left me alone. before, when things were ok between us you would come every night but when you found out i was hurting because of you then you stopped coming to see me. not only did you leave me alone during that time, but you also started a relationship with someone new and i had to sleep here in my room knowing you were next door sleeping with someone else. how unfair. there were so many times i was there for you, i listened to you, i cared for you and never judged you despite what everyone else thought about you or due to your actions, i have always seen you for the person i know you are inside, deep down....but you left me alone when i needed you the most. you walk by my door everyday and you didn't stop once to knock and you knew how badly i was hurting.

 

why? why did you leave me alone to suffer and distanced yourself from me but you would talk to V**** every day and worried about her? i had to wait days for a text from you. i know she has gone through a lot, but so have i, i was also hurting and you knew i had nobody else here to turn to. i know i had asked you to stay away from me but somehow i expected you to care more and still ask how i was doing. who else has been there for you when you had those terrible moments? who else has listened to you, even if sometimes it hurt me to hear what you had to say but i pretended it didnt? who else has cared so much that i have given you a part of me and that which i love to do the most in each of the drawings i have given you?

 

then how could you just treat me this way when i have been so good with you?"

[broken77]

Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing your feelings.