ditzchic Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Hey guys. I think the guy that broke my heart which lead me to loveshack might be coming back around but I'm not sure. I need your opinions. A little backstory. We were only together a short time, it was a big, bright flame that burned out quickly. We've been split and haven't spoken for just a little over a year now. While we were together there were lots of problems and they were mostly because we were moving at different speeds. He was a fast mover and I was a slow one. That lead to a lot of me pushing him away and shutting him out and a lot of resentment and hurt feelings for him. But we both really liked each other and we both said that we've never felt chemistry with anyone else like we did with each other. I meant it when I said that. It was just a bad time in my life for relationships. I didn't want it. Anyway, last Saturday I recieved an e-mail from him just checking in, saying hi and asking how I was doing. I responded but I kept it very formal and polite and signed off with a "I hope everything is going well for you too." I didn't give him any specific reason to respond but he did. In he response he talked about something specifc that he got into that I also have an interest in, so I responded back. That sparked an e-mail conversation that went on for two days straight. Probably about 50 e-mails exchanged in those 48 hours. Mostly just catching up and playful banter. Some light flirting but nothing overly heavy. At the end of the second day as I was going to bed I sent him an e-mail that said "It's been really great catching up with you. Let's keep in touch." Again, kind of keeping it non-commital, no pushing or rushing anything like that. The next morning he e-mailed me first thing in the am asking for my phone number because he "lost" mine and maybe he could text me sometime. I gave him my number and told me he could text anytime. He immediately texted me. And the conversation has been flowing up until about noon today since that first text. We've basically only taken breaks to sleep and when we're driving somewhere. It's the same as the e-mails, the conversations are friendly, full of banter, light flirty but nothing extreme. We talked a little bit about the past when we were together. He made a joke about me making his life miserable. I used that to explain myself, told him it was phenomenally bad timing but it is what it is but he should be aware that I felt really bad about it. He said apology accepted and then we went to bed. I got a good morning text the very next morning, so it wasn't just the closure he was after. Also, any time I mention another guy that I've dated since the split (which is stuff I talk about with friends) he avoids like the plague. He just kind of glosses over it like I didn't say anything. He also hasn't officially asked me to hang out but he's kind of hinted at it a few times (I don't want to hang out with him anytime soon though, I need time. My heart was really shattered the last time and that makes me a little gun shy.) I was really stuck on this guy for awhile. Like I said, I've never felt chemistry with anyone else like I do with him. But I can also already feel me getting all giddy and excited and I'm not sure if I should be. He has a lot of female friends. Is it possible that this is just him being friendly? He did tell me that he recently broke up with someone so he could just be lonely. It's not that I have a problem with being friendly for awhile. I would prefer that because I want time to adjust this time around. But I also don't want to get my hopes up because I feel them already rising. I haven't heard from him since noonish today and I'm already missing him a little... It's a pretty risky situation for me. Insights? Thoughts?
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 ditzchick, He just broke up, right? So, there's a good chance that he is looking for a fill-in before he finds someone else. I mean, what was his reason for breaking up with you? He certainly hasn't come right out to say that he made a mistake or wants you back and even then, past issues/baggage has not been panned out or discussed, right? I would keep it friendly and not be tempted until he says the words that he wants you back and then be very cautious....why would he want you back after breaking up with you w/o explanation as to why he broke up in the first place, right? Have things changed with you? Him? That would suddenly want you back? Not trying to be harsh, but just need to be careful... [a guy here]
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 oh, wanted to say that I am in a similar situation, but my standing is much more comfortable. my ex "let me go" a couple of months ago and I am in a nice relationship with another woman. nothing too serious, but my ex contacted me and if she were to suggest getting back together, i would certainly be going over the things she said and did at the end of our relationship earlier...and if i even remotely felt a desire to get back together, i would lay down the law as to what my expectations were and demand an explanation as to why she ended in the first place... don't have time for games and i certainly believe that "i'm an awesome catch" so, my expectations and caution would certainly be heightened...
Author ditzchic Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 ditzchick, He just broke up, right? So, there's a good chance that he is looking for a fill-in before he finds someone else. I mean, what was his reason for breaking up with you? He certainly hasn't come right out to say that he made a mistake or wants you back and even then, past issues/baggage has not been panned out or discussed, right? I would keep it friendly and not be tempted until he says the words that he wants you back and then be very cautious....why would he want you back after breaking up with you w/o explanation as to why he broke up in the first place, right? Have things changed with you? Him? That would suddenly want you back? Not trying to be harsh, but just need to be careful... [a guy here] When we broke up he told me his reason was because we didn't have enough in common and that he felt alone. When we touched on it this time he said he really liked me but I was acting very hot and cold and he didn't want to get hurt. He was right. I was acting very hot and cold. And yes, I have changed tremendously in the last year. I'm almost a completely different person now. He seems to have changed at least a bit too. I know it's stupid to think that he suddenly wants me back. I don't think that. But I think he might possibly be interested in more than friendship. That seems to be the vibe I'm getting from it all. The main goal here is to protect my heart.
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 yes, protect yourself. but also take responsibility for the failure of the first relationship and learn from it. you admit that you were being hot/cold...that is a serious relationship killer. no offense, you sound like my ex i mentioned. if you think that you've changed and he wants more and tells you, be cautious...but also, please, be certain it's him you want w/o the wishy washiness. No one deserves nor enjoys such precariousness... good luck! Have you told him that he was right about you being hot/cold? And why?
Author ditzchic Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 yes, protect yourself. but also take responsibility for the failure of the first relationship and learn from it. you admit that you were being hot/cold...that is a serious relationship killer. no offense, you sound like my ex i mentioned. if you think that you've changed and he wants more and tells you, be cautious...but also, please, be certain it's him you want w/o the wishy washiness. No one deserves nor enjoys such precariousness... good luck! Have you told him that he was right about you being hot/cold? And why? I did tell him he was right. I didn't explain it completely but I told him it was just really bad timing and I apologized and he accepted my apology. If being friendly for awhile goes well and he wants to talk about it further, I'll be open to explaining it more but I feel right now is not the right time to go pouring my heart out to him about it.
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