vj7510 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Hello all, So here is my situation for those that would like to give me any helpful advice! Me and my boyfriend have been in a serious relationship for going on 2 years now, we're lovers, best friends, our love is perfect for eachother. Situation:: we're both in our early twenties, we still live with our parents, let's face it we would be getting by, by the skin of our teeth trying making it on our own at this point in time. That's why we both mutually decided that we would live with our parents for the time being, until valid credentials came our way for better income.(further our education) Having said that, he has lived with me and my parents for the last two years...I openly chose not living with his for the simple fact that they don't know what the word "clean" means, they smoke in their house, and party with good ole Bacardi 151 constantly...I'm NOT living in that environment, it would be the death of me with my asthma. Problem::my dad got a job offer 600 miles away in Ohio (where we're originally from) at that time we resided in ATL, Ga. with the nearly 10% unemployment rate there..there are more jobs in Ohio, a new adventure, and more opportunities than in Atlanta. I had no family in Ga. besides his family, and like I said prior, that was not an option. I begged, and pleaded for him to come with me, my parents sat down and gave him numerous talks about coming with us. (since he has lived with them the past 2 yrs) He wanted to, he let his anxiety make him change his mind at the last minute...now, we're all human we all have anxiety, but his is more extreme.. It just really hurts me that he's letting this "fear" getting between us, and he's not comprehending that...if he does, he doesn't try to reassure me about anything...I'm just lost and really hurt, I mean I know what Georgia is like, he can't knock Ohio till he tries it..We are still continuing our relationship for the time being all be it long distance..He's coming up here in October for 4 days..I just feel like i'm the bad guy in making him choose, but dammit I shouldn't have to choose either..but I don't know how to function with out him it hasn't even been 2 whole weeks yet that we're separated. I'm just confused and torn, am I the bad guy for not staying?? is he the bad guy for not going?? I wish emotions didn't exist... Any advice and or opinions would help me greatly
pteromom Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I don't think either of you is the "bad guy", but you are in your early 20s. I think it's time for you to move away from your parents. Preferably on your own; not with your boyfriend. What are each of you doing to actively prepare to be able to live on your own? Not being able to function without him is very unhealthy. If that's really the case, I think time on your own will be good for you. Use it to get to where you are self-sufficient.
Author vj7510 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 I have lived on my own 3 different times now, in those experiences I've learned how hard it is, so I'm planning; with work, and going back to school. He is finding a company that he can promote from within in, with his anxiety he won't go back to school, that conversation is like talking to a brick wall. There again he's planning for a future down there, in Ga. when I don't know if I want to go back. Just like he doesn't know if he would like it up here...
pteromom Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I have lived on my own 3 different times now, in those experiences I've learned how hard it is, so I'm planning; with work, and going back to school. He is finding a company that he can promote from within in, with his anxiety he won't go back to school, that conversation is like talking to a brick wall. There again he's planning for a future down there, in Ga. when I don't know if I want to go back. Just like he doesn't know if he would like it up here... Maybe it is just time to take a break from him so you guys can both decide if your relationship is strong enough to warrant moving somewhere you don't really want to live. His anxiety is concerning to me. If it's so bad that it prevents him from moving forward in his life, a future with him is going to be more challenging than it needs to be. If he's anxious now, imagine 10 years down the road with 3 kids to worry about. I think you should accept this time without him as a chance to recalibrate yourself as an individual and give yourself a little time to determine what you really want in your life.
Author vj7510 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 You're right, thanks for all your responses. I have always thought about that ugly truth in the back of my mind..It shouldn't be this challenging, and it would be like always having another child to deal with, should I have any with him. It just hurts like hell, I love him so and I'm so use to taking care of him, he makes me feel needed.
Author vj7510 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I'm also holding out for the hope that when he's up here in October, he'll have a change of heart and realize he would like it here...hoping for the best.
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