sadnconfusedwoman Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I've been married for less than a year and me and my husband have a one year old. We never have sex, maybe once every 5 months and that's only if i talk to him about it. I'm not conceited but I know I'm attractive, maybe just not to him anymore? I cry myself to sleep and I'm starting to feel really low about myself. A couple of weeks ago we had a serious talk about it and he says he's tired and works a lot but he will try to change. It hasn't changed and I know he looks at porn. I don't know what to do anymore. Were young. In our early 20's. He says he's not cheating on me but I dont know what to think anymore. I'm just so hurt and this is making me lose confidence in myself. Is this something to end a marriage over? At first I thought it was because I was pregnant but its still the same thing after a year. We never fight, get a long .. so I just don't get it..
HHC Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Tell him how the lack of sex makes you feel. Tell him how the act of him looking at porn makes you feel. Don't tell him what he is doing, or what truth you create. Then tell him two things he can do that would make you feel better. Then ask him what you can do to make him feel less tired or stressed. Sometimes when someone doesn't have sex with you, it actually has nothing to do with you
Author sadnconfusedwoman Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I did talk to him.. I cried and I told him how I felt about it. And its still the same. I just don't understand how a 25 year old has no sex drive. The only thing that makes sense is that he's cheating or just not attracted to me anymore. So where do you go from there
HHC Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Other than being tired, what did he say? Has he had his testosterone checked? I would suggest a general chack up and blood test
Gotti25 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I'm in the same boat 26 my husband is 31 no kids we never have sex unless I force him into it im pretty good looking as well he won't have it! It has nothing to do with his testoronol is just his not into you anymore nothing will change! My husband says the same thing i'm tired I had a long day at work oh hold on a minute your not tired to be sneakeing behind my back a watching porn! He denies but is obvious he never deletes history on his laptop like he wants me to know it hurts but I learned to live with it! i know this is not the best advice find someone on the side that can satisfy you or else move on but you have child is not that easy good luck.....
Author sadnconfusedwoman Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 When I told him to give me a reason, you can't hurt me anymore than I already am and he said he's just not a sexual person. I told him that doesn't make sense and he said he didn't mean it like that. I dont get it. It's like now that he's "got me" he's completely different. I cant live like this so my only option now is to find a job and save up money for my own place. It sucks to have to live with somebody your starting to strongly resent but I have to do it I guess. Because he looks at porn so much sometimes i think he wants those fake tits and long blonde hair extensions, something I will never be. But he could have atleast told me that's what he wants before exchanging vows.
Author sadnconfusedwoman Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I'm in the same boat 26 my husband is 31 no kids we never have sex unless I force him into it im pretty good looking as well he won't have it! It has nothing to do with his testoronol is just his not into you anymore nothing will change! My husband says the same thing i'm tired I had a long day at work oh hold on a minute your not tired to be sneakeing behind my back a watching porn! He denies but is obvious he never deletes history on his laptop like he wants me to know it hurts but I learned to live with it! i know this is not the best advice find someone on the side that can satisfy you or else move on but you have child is not that easy good luck...... Your situation doesn't seem very fair either. I hope it changes for you or you find somebody that loves everything about you
Gotti25 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Have you suggested divorce? I have he won't hear it! My husband is into small breasts 18 year old porn a slight difference! i asked him if he would like me to get breast implants he said no way I love your boobs not because of the cost but he has a fedish for very skinny girls almost like 100lbs and im 120lbs 5'6 pisses me off he is into flat ass girls can't understand it! 1
Author sadnconfusedwoman Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Have you suggested divorce? I have he won't hear it! My husband is into small breasts 18 year old porn a slight difference! i asked him if he would like me to get breast implants he said no way I love your boobs not because of the cost but he has a fedish for very skinny girls almost like 100lbs and im 120lbs 5'6 pisses me off he is into flat ass girls can't understand it! I'm 5'6 also and around the same weight as you. I don't get it either. They have the real thing right in front of them. I didn't suggest divorce but I've said plenty of times that I want my own place and he claims he hates the idea. i think he thinks I'm just stuck and not going anywhere but I'm stronger than he thinks and when there's a will there's a way. It just sucks it has to come to this. Ugh I don't understand men. It should be the other way around
HHC Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 When I told him to give me a reason, you can't hurt me anymore than I already am and he said he's just not a sexual person. I told him that doesn't make sense and he said he didn't mean it like that. I dont get it. It's like now that he's "got me" he's completely different. I cant live like this so my only option now is to find a job and save up money for my own place. It sucks to have to live with somebody your starting to strongly resent but I have to do it I guess. Because he looks at porn so much sometimes i think he wants those fake tits and long blonde hair extensions, something I will never be. But he could have atleast told me that's what he wants before exchanging vows. If he's looking at porn but not having sex or being sexual with you then the issue is not that he's not a sexual person, but the effort required to seduce you is too much when it comes to effort vs reward. Or worse, he's just not sexually attracted to you. Either way this issue needs to be identified and dealt with. Moving out won't fix anything. Giving up isn't going to fix anything. You either think you're worth getting an answer or a resolve or you have low self esteem and you think this is all you're worthy of. I myself have issues surrounding sex in my marriage, so I have been in your shoes. I know that sex is important to me though and I have made sure I will do whatever it takes to find a resolve or at least find out why I have the marriage I do. Some times it takes all the effort on my part, some times my husband takes the initiative and works on it, but most of the time we do it together because we have a mutual goal.
Gotti25 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 her husband is watching porn because he is not into her! OP you sound like your in good shape attractive! I learned in my relationship man do not like when a woman let's go of her self! He won't care if your working our not looks are very important to man unless your husband is overweight and doesnt care!
Glenda Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I know alot of people just offer this up but have you considered if he is suffering abit of depression? I only ask this as my husband - partner at the time, had a high sex drive when i met him but went through a stage of not wanting anything. He was always looking at porn on the internet. Complained of always being tired. From there it got worse and he didn't want to go to work, eventually lost his job. Took alot and got help from a doctor and came good. Went back to working. The antidepressants have side affects of a low sex drive but we now work around it. He was great for about 8 years and is currently suffering abit again but not as bad and is working with his doctor this time. Good luck.
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