smint Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Hi,I am 26,my ex boyfriend is 28,we were together for 7 yrs.He was my first everything.My problem is because I am facing break up first time in my life,this was long term relationship,and facing that someone for who I would put my hand in fire,did this to me just like that and just for his own happiness!!! I swear that I really haven't seen it coming,it was total surprise for me,I taught that he is joking!!!He just told me one night(by the phone)cliche"I don't love you anymore,I just like you",we will talk tomorrow,go to sleep,and there was no tomorrow,he totally ignored me,he just stopped answering to me in every way.In my head was Hiroshima,I was calling and texting and sometimes he would respond,but he was angry and cruel. He was promising that we will meet and talk,but he would ignored that too,so I didn't know what to do,and I went twice to his door,and then the torture began...he slammed door into my face,he blamed me for God knows what reasons I don't even remember that it happened...it was devastating,but still promising me that he will call me,that we are friends...And In May I heard for his new gf... When friends told me about her,I called him and he said"it's just old friend",and then later he said that"she just accidentally appeared",she is not guilty,real offender is ME!!!I am guilty for the break up!!!Then I was like ok and I stopped every contact,I only wrote him a letter about my feelings,and I responded once on Facebook chat when he started...I went through hell with this break up... HOW SELFISH AND CRUEL IS THAT HE BLAMED ME FOR BREAK UP,AND STARTING SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE NEW(WHILE PUTTING GUILT ON MY BACK),LEAVING EVERYTHING WE HAD,HURTING ME BECAUSE HIS OWN HAPPINESS!!!HOW CAN HE SLEEP AND LIVE,KNOWING WHAT HE DID TO ME,HOW DEVASTATING I WAS...I DON'T KNOW WHO IS HE ANYMORE!!!HE HAD EVERYTHING WITH ME!!! And after all that,he has nerve to write me message"what's up,how R U?",then on Facebook to like my pictures and send me the same ****"how R U"!!!I totally ignored him,I blocked him,I think that i could never forgive him what he did to me and in which way!!! I can't say that I am not better now,but last night I was dreaming him and his new gf(I know who is she) ,I am suppressing memories and feelings,but it still comes some time when I can't stop crying...I did everything,I lost weight,I did my all exams,I went to trip and had great time,I even dated one jerk who wanted just sex,and it's over,but I have feeling that this sadness is never going to pass... I am afraid not to run into him on the street...It's still big wound,even after 5 months...
KatZee Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Hi,I am 26,my ex boyfriend is 28,we were together for 7 yrs.He was my first everything.My problem is because I am facing break up first time in my life,this was long term relationship,and facing that someone for who I would put my hand in fire,did this to me just like that and just for his own happiness!!! I swear that I really haven't seen it coming,it was total surprise for me,I taught that he is joking!!!He just told me one night(by the phone)cliche"I don't love you anymore,I just like you",we will talk tomorrow,go to sleep,and there was no tomorrow,he totally ignored me,he just stopped answering to me in every way.In my head was Hiroshima,I was calling and texting and sometimes he would respond,but he was angry and cruel. He was promising that we will meet and talk,but he would ignored that too,so I didn't know what to do,and I went twice to his door,and then the torture began...he slammed door into my face,he blamed me for God knows what reasons I don't even remember that it happened...it was devastating,but still promising me that he will call me,that we are friends...And In May I heard for his new gf... When friends told me about her,I called him and he said"it's just old friend",and then later he said that"she just accidentally appeared",she is not guilty,real offender is ME!!!I am guilty for the break up!!!Then I was like ok and I stopped every contact,I only wrote him a letter about my feelings,and I responded once on Facebook chat when he started...I went through hell with this break up... HOW SELFISH AND CRUEL IS THAT HE BLAMED ME FOR BREAK UP,AND STARTING SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE NEW(WHILE PUTTING GUILT ON MY BACK),LEAVING EVERYTHING WE HAD,HURTING ME BECAUSE HIS OWN HAPPINESS!!!HOW CAN HE SLEEP AND LIVE,KNOWING WHAT HE DID TO ME,HOW DEVASTATING I WAS...I DON'T KNOW WHO IS HE ANYMORE!!!HE HAD EVERYTHING WITH ME!!! And after all that,he has nerve to write me message"what's up,how R U?",then on Facebook to like my pictures and send me the same ****"how R U"!!!I totally ignored him,I blocked him,I think that i could never forgive him what he did to me and in which way!!! I can't say that I am not better now,but last night I was dreaming him and his new gf(I know who is she) ,I am suppressing memories and feelings,but it still comes some time when I can't stop crying...I did everything,I lost weight,I did my all exams,I went to trip and had great time,I even dated one jerk who wanted just sex,and it's over,but I have feeling that this sadness is never going to pass... I am afraid not to run into him on the street...It's still big wound,even after 5 months... :/ It's going to take a hell of a lot longer than 5 months to get over a guy you were with for 7 years. Especially since it came out of no where, and especially since he was so cruel about it and is already dating someone new. It will pass in time as you go through the stages of grief. Just keep pushing through... one day the dark clouds will pass. 1
Author smint Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 :/ It's going to take a hell of a lot longer than 5 months to get over a guy you were with for 7 years. Especially since it came out of no where, and especially since he was so cruel about it and is already dating someone new. It will pass in time as you go through the stages of grief. Just keep pushing through... one day the dark clouds will pass. Yeah!!!That's my biggest problem!!! 1.This jerk was my first everything 2.I haven't seen it coming,he was hiding it perfectly,in January was my birthday,he gave so wonderful necklace,and he was so happy giving me,I got it almost like engage ring,it was going to that direction(don't think that I am materialist,I am not at all),and it was on 1st January,and on 12th March he left me!!! 3.He just shut me down,like bottom"shut down" 4.In June I heard that he presented her to his parents!!! WHAT THE HELL???Is he normal???I hope that my dark clouds will pass,as you say,but will he get his dark clouds???
N64 Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 Hey there. I am real sorry to hear about this, because I am in a pretty similar situation. My first love dumped me after almost 6 years. Nearly my first everything, too. He introduced me to a lot of what I like now, so I know how it feels that even when they did you wrong and you want to forget them the same way it feels they've easily forgotten you, but can't because you know a lot of who you are came from them. Especially when you meet young. I personally don't feel like I have a lot of interest in the idea that everyone should live a little and to do that you must be single, but that doesn't mean I don't understand it. I get that when I got dumped and that's ultimately what he wanted, that I am no one to take that right away, but I get it when it feels like they just checked out. One day you have it- the next you don't. Like pulling a rug out from under you, except that rug was made up of all of your love and you're left standing there like a damn idiot. Sorry for venting, but I know how it feels. I literally have said the same thing, which is "I am scared to feel this pain again". I had never felt this kind of hurt. It felt like my heart had been put through a meat grinder. I physically felt pain in my heart from my breakup. I even got the same jewelry that was like an 'engaged to be engaged' ring. I never said that out loud, because I am not the kind of person to say I can predict the future, but you can't help but think it when you've been with someone for so long comfortably. And then you look back on it and get scared it was all just some weird lie or prank being pulled on you. I don't know. But it's been about 2 months for me. I still get sad. I'm a very loving person to very few people. I thought my ex knew me better to know that I dedicated a lot to him and that it isn't just a 'oh, well. It was fun knowing ya!' which is what I got in return. But you just have to keep thinking about this stuff. Think about what's really hurting you. You're hurt he did this to you, hurt the way he went about it, hurt he moved on, hurt he might neglect speaking to you because now you're not some chore or obligation as a girlfriend(which is really messed up to think about it), and while it hurts, you have to start stopping more and going "what the hell? Why am I missing such a jerk? If anyone else treated me so rudely, I'd be their worst enemy." And I know that in our case, we can't just make our first loves our worst enemy even though it's tempting, but we can just say they have become selfish and lost sight of how loving and good people we are, because they just started going "oh, that's my girlfriend." and clumped who we actually are in that cliche title of what girlfriends are usually associate with. They forgot that we are also individual human beings with great attributes and you need to focus on that. Do you for awhile, like he is. I only pray, too, that one day they at least go "man, I messed up." and even if it's just because of how they went about it so harshly. In the meantime, take solace in that even though I still cry, I still haven't even let go, that I am slowly believing I am actually getting stronger and I am starting to see a little clearer from this. Think about couples who truly love each other, but a death prematurely rips them apart. And then think about how someone willingly chose to leave you, when they once swore they loved you and would always be there in your worst time, and how they aren't now and start picking yourself back up by yourself and feel liberated by that, at least. Even if you feel like your life will never be the same or as happy, at least be proud of yourself. 2
Author smint Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 Thank you N64,we are in the same situation.You are right about everything,if someone else did it to us,this person would be our worst enemy,and yes,they swore in love,and in the end as you said"it was fun knowing you"!!! But has your ex left you for someone else??? Me and my ex needed one whole year and one month to just first kiss!!!And right now what he is doing,he was cheated on me(probably),and when he saw that the other girl is interested,then who cares for me...Reading some older threads it seems like GRASS IS GREENER SYNDROME!!! He left me in March,in May he presented her to his friends(some of them our common),then he was talking to everybody how he doesn't want to have anything ever with me,how we were constantly fighting,how it is impossible to talk with me???I was shocked when I heard!!!I HATE HIM!!!I AM GOING TO HATE HIM TILL THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!He is inventing some stupid stories just to make me look like crazy person,and that is NOT TRUE!!!He is one SELFISH jerk!!!After 7 years,I deserved to take it by the phone??? Like you,I hope and I pray every single day for karma to hit him like a truck!!!I was lied,treated like a crap,I was humiliated,I was even blaming myself for 2,5 months,while he was doing with her who knows what with that bitch,and when I heard for her,I was throwing up whole night,like you said that you felt your heart,my heart just couldn't stop beating,I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I HAVE SURVIVED THAT NIGHT!!! Skin on my face was different of constant crying,but for who???For some jerk who doesn't even care am I alive,who blamed me for idiotic things,just to justify himself,who made idiot of me,who now probably wants to ease his guilt with asking me"how R U"!!! And there are people who are telling me"If you ever loved him,you have to wish him happiness,and to forgive him,not to hate him"??????????!!!!!!!Yeah right!!! I heard that his new girlfriend is divorced,has a child who is 5,has no job,and no school!!!And she is 28.What an opportunity!!! I am not proud of myself,but I can say that somehow I always planned my life,I was always responsible,I finished two primary,and two high schools,I play two instruments,and I sing,play folk music in orchestra,I finished faculty of natural science,in September I am starting to work,I was always friendly...I think when I compare my life whit his new girlfriends,I've always had much higher goals!!!And he chose her over me,running over 7 years of everything we had... Will karma strike them???
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