LostGirl11 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Going to keep this short. Basically I had an argument with my boyfriend last night that lead to him breaking up with me! It seems quite petty to me but would like your opinions. So when we first got together he told me about these two friends he has, they're married couple, he told me that that they are always trying to set him up with women ect. So anyway, he told how he is going play some jazz with them at her sisters wedding and how they want to take him out afterwards, he said something like, 'Mia wants me to go, I don't know why, but I'm gonna go anyway' So I said something like, 'Maybe she wants to set you up' (I meant this in a completely playful way) But it didn't go down well at all, he pretty much flew off the handle and told me that I think I'm more morally correct than him! I tried to calm him down and told him I was only messing around, I went on to say something like 'If my friends done that or if I got chatted up I'd tell you' He didn't like this at all! Said something like, 'Oh so that happening is a possibilty' At this point I was like 'Whoa' you need to calm down! He was yelling at me at this point by the way. So yeah, this all seems even more petty now that I've written it! Was I in the wrong? Did he over react? I want to say sorry but at the same time I don't. He is giving me the silent treatment at the moment, yes he broke up with me but it just seems crazy! A part of me doesn't even want to talk to him, I mean it's like he wants me to be scared of asking him anything ect, hmmm, do I really want to be with someone like that?
Mike_d Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 passive aggressive should have just asked him what his intentions were, and then listened to the answer. instead you floated out this strange question that clearly had a lot behind it. that's not playful
Author LostGirl11 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 passive aggressive should have just asked him what his intentions were, and then listened to the answer. instead you floated out this strange question that clearly had a lot behind it. that's not playful I don't think you've read it properly. Intentions?
KatZee Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Whoa. He completely flew off the handle and overreacted and I'd say that's a clear red flag for you. Yes, he's being passive aggressive by playing the ignore game now... But when he first flipped out... I really don't get WHY unless he's got something to hide and the guilt is eating at him. No one flies that far off the handle when someone makes a simple joke... there's probably more to this.. Unless he's the angry type that flips his sh*t for no apparent reason on a normal basis.
Author LostGirl11 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Whoa. He completely flew off the handle and overreacted and I'd say that's a clear red flag for you. Yes, he's being passive aggressive by playing the ignore game now... But when he first flipped out... I really don't get WHY unless he's got something to hide and the guilt is eating at him. No one flies that far off the handle when someone makes a simple joke... there's probably more to this.. Unless he's the angry type that flips his sh*t for no apparent reason on a normal basis. He is the angry type, always turns the smallest things into huge issues! I'm always walking on egg shells, wondering how he will take things ect but I alway ended up feeling guilty and saying sorry.
Mike_d Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I totally read it and felt I understood it. he has 2 married couples that seem to continue to want to set him up. this threatens you. he mentions them. you, not feeling comfy with the potential pending actions of married friends, want to know what it is about but are uncomfortable asking the actual question that you really want to ask, so instead throw out a passive aggressive 'Maybe she wants to set you up' comment to a guy you are clearly involved with. did I miss something? am I off base? don't like his response either, but this/my comments have nothing to do with him yet. nor do my comments address the petty/not petty issue. I'm on a single focus here, can get to the rest in a moment
Author LostGirl11 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 I totally read it and felt I understood it. he has 2 married couples that seem to continue to want to set him up. this threatens you. he mentions them. you, not feeling comfy with the potential pending actions of married friends, want to know what it is about but are uncomfortable asking the actual question that you really want to ask, so instead throw out a passive aggressive 'Maybe she wants to set you up' comment to a guy you are clearly involved with. did I miss something? am I off base? don't like his response either, but this/my comments have nothing to do with him yet. nor do my comments address the petty/not petty issue. I'm on a single focus here, can get to the rest in a moment Ok, I get what you're saying. Even if I asked him directly he still would have flipped.
Mike_d Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Ok, I get what you're saying. Even if I asked him directly he still would have flipped. lol, you are projecting. unless you are the only person with a crystal ball on this earth, or have some sort of time machine, then you have no way at all of knowing that and you are thinking for him. don't do that. ever. be honest. ask the question you want to ask. if he blows up over that then you can evaluate a much more genuine situation. I'da been kinda chapped over that question too to be honest, but thats me, not him. I'd rather that you communicate clearly, which you didn't come anywhere close to.
Mike_d Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 how about: so we're in this relationship together, you tell me that you feel xyz about me and I feel abc about you. So I'm confused about why these people are still doing this setting up thing with you, it makes me uncomfortable and before I think too much about it would you be open to telling me what your thoughts are about it?
Author LostGirl11 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 lol, you are projecting. unless you are the only person with a crystal ball on this earth, or have some sort of time machine, then you have no way at all of knowing that and you are thinking for him. don't do that. ever. be honest. ask the question you want to ask. if he blows up over that then you can evaluate a much more genuine situation. I'da been kinda chapped over that question too to be honest, but thats me, not him. I'd rather that you communicate clearly, which you didn't come anywhere close to. No, I dont have a crystal ball but I know that he flips over everything, I can't really do right in his eyes.
Xestenz Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 No, I dont have a crystal ball but I know that he flips over everything, I can't really do right in his eyes. And after writing these sentences, you're wondering whether he is worth it or not why exactly?
Author LostGirl11 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 And after writing these sentences, you're wondering whether he is worth it or not why exactly? Hmm, he has anger issues, gets all hot headed over everything. He doesn't think that its a problem, everyone else is the problem. I kind of feel sorry for him. I think..
Xestenz Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Hmm, he has anger issues, gets all hot headed over everything. He doesn't think that its a problem, everyone else is the problem. I kind of feel sorry for him. I think.. Sorry, I was being a bit sarcastic in my response and as always in text it doesn't come through. My question would be, given how he jumps on any little thing you do or say, is this really someone who you want to be with? How will you feel after three years of tolerating that? Or five years? I would suggest that even by asking this question, you are already answering the question. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Author LostGirl11 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Sorry, I was being a bit sarcastic in my response and as always in text it doesn't come through. My question would be, given how he jumps on any little thing you do or say, is this really someone who you want to be with? How will you feel after three years of tolerating that? Or five years? I would suggest that even by asking this question, you are already answering the question. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Its very draining. Argh, I don't know. I don't know if an apology is in order or not..
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