ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) I fell in love with her, it was the first time I had ever truly loved anybody, I didn't realise how important she was to me, I neglected the relationship and she walked away from it. I couldn't understand, she said she loved me too, why was she walking away if she loves me? She was convinced that things were not working, she wouldn't accept that I was aware I was screwing up and I will change, she ended it. I couldn't accept it, I tried everything to get closure after she left, I contacted her, being nice, being horrible, telling her I love her, threatening her... I was in a desperate mess, felt like my life was over, I had nothing to live for, I believe I genuinely was a "dangerous" person at the time, I don't know what I was capable of and was in a very dark place. My tipping point was when I found out she started to see other guys, some random guy, she probably ****ed him, I was going to murder them both... I don't know why I didn't... I was ready to leave the house 9mm in hand on several occasions... I guess I must have realised that she wasn't worth my entire life. I started living day by day, depressed, falling to sleep thinking about her, waking up thinking about her, constant thoughts of her being with somebody else, it turned my love for her into hate, pure hate. Now she's hanging out with her ex who she was with before me, to be honest I think she's a slut, she had a onenightstand child 2 years ago at 20, and she's been with more than a few guys... this always caused paranoia for me... but I gave her a chance, now I can see she's gone back to being a slut, I just hate her guts with a passion, she's an amazing girl and just sosososo miss guided, but that's just the way it is, why should I care? I don't anymore, for the most part. So I had to pick myself up out of this hole, I actually just got myself a new job, I'm earning good money, I've freshened up, socialising again, I still feel sad and sick about her sometimes, but I've certainly taken her off her pedestal, I do wish things could have been different... but they can't and this is the way it is, so **** her. Something which I could relate to so much as I started to come out of my dark place was this... I think it helped alot... An old man told his grandson - "My son, there is a battle between 2 wolves inside all of us One is evil, it is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ago, The other is good, it is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness and truth, The boy asked - "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied - "The one you feed" When I first read this I related to it instantly, I could see how I have been feeding the bad wolf inside me for so long, and I still am, but now I am fixing up my life, I am up and down from day to day, where as before I was just down, so I look back at my last 3/4 weeks and can see the good wolf is getting a share of food too, and soon as I continue to look forward and improve my life, the good wolf will overpower the bad wolf causing the bad wolf to starve, then I might be able to forget her completely. I've had one night stands with a couple of girls since she left around 3 months ago, but the relationship has confused the hell out of me in regards to new girls. Before her I had never loved anybody or been in a seriously relationship, I'm 20 and she's my "first love", before her I would just randomly sleep with girls and just be "seeing them", never getting attached, but I let her in... it turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and the only thing I fear in this world is that happening all over again.. I'm not sure if I will be able to risk it again, but for now... life is most definitely brightening up for me. Edited August 10, 2012 by ParadeRain
awesomeusername Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 My tipping point was when I found out she started to see other guys, some random guy, she probably ****ed him, I was going to murder them both... I don't know why I didn't... I was ready to leave the house 9mm in hand on several occasions... I guess I must have realised that she wasn't worth my entire life. I am very thankful you did not act on that idea, but the fact you say "I don't know why I didn't" makes me question your sanity. I don't care about the rest of the post...I care more about how you are going to handle these thoughts.
Author ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 I am very thankful you did not act on that idea, but the fact you say "I don't know why I didn't" makes me question your sanity. I don't care about the rest of the post...I care more about how you are going to handle these thoughts. The girl I loved walked away from me, I was at ROCK BOTTOM, literally on the edge of doing something stupid... and was definitely thinking crazy at the time, I didn't know at the time, but now I think I do know the reason why I didn't do anything stupid, this girl ripped my heart out and stomped all over it, and it made me realise that it would be even more crazy to ruin my entire life over somebody who could hurt me so much... she simply wasn't worth it, that's the reality of it. I'm not a pussy, I don't come from a pussy background, I wouldn't say I'm a thug/gangster type but I'm no idiot, you won't stare at me in the street without being confronted, and if you disrespect me then we are fighting about it, hurt me and put me at rock bottom... and I am going to want to hurt you even worse, it's the person I am... But I'm logical too, I'd like to say I'm intelligent and mindful, I haven't hurt anybody, and I'm on the UP from this situation, I think that proves it.
2muchlove Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I am very thankful you did not act on that idea, but the fact you say "I don't know why I didn't" makes me question your sanity. I don't care about the rest of the post...I care more about how you are going to handle these thoughts. Ever heard of "Crime of Passion"? "A crime of passion, in popular usage, refers to a crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault, against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as sudden rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime." It's not unusual but it doesn't mean it's a mental disorder such as insanity. Love is one of the biggest risks a person can take. You never know what will happen.
Author ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Ever heard of "Crime of Passion"? "A crime of passion, in popular usage, refers to a crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault, against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as sudden rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime." It's not unusual but it doesn't mean it's a mental disorder such as insanity. Love is one of the biggest risks a person can take. You never know what will happen. Although I do appreciate you trying to bring him/her into reality.. You're wrong, it's much more simple, it's called irrational thinking in the worst time of your life to-date, you experience extreme pain and hardship, somebody destroys you emotionally.. you're going to think irrationally, and right it may well lead to this so-called "crime of passion"... and if it does then I would say that person has certainly been driven to insanity... but (un)fortunately she's still breathing, unharmed, and fortunately I'm not insane.
awesomeusername Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Ever heard of "Crime of Passion"? "A crime of passion, in popular usage, refers to a crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault, against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as sudden rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime." It's not unusual but it doesn't mean it's a mental disorder such as insanity. Love is one of the biggest risks a person can take. You never know what will happen. Of course it's not unusual. And it is insane. Insane means not of sound mind; mentally deranged: insane actions; utterly senseless: an insane plan. I would never harm any of my ex boyfriends for the mere fact that they didn't love me back! Love is definitely a risk emotionally but should never conjure the thoughts of murder! 1
Author ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) Of course it's not unusual. And it is insane. Insane means not of sound mind; mentally deranged: insane actions; utterly senseless: an insane plan. I would never harm any of my ex boyfriends for the mere fact that they didn't love me back! Love is definitely a risk emotionally but should never conjure the thoughts of murder! It is not love which conjures those thoughts, it is.. it is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego Which conjures those thoughts. Get off your highhorse and join in with the real world, if you're so shocked by irrational thinking during the worst time of your life.. you need a serious reality check, you strike me as a person who's never experienced hardship. Edited August 10, 2012 by ParadeRain
awesomeusername Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Sure, but what provoked those thoughts was love...you would have never felt that way about her without loving her first... I understand, you think you are not insane, I'm no psychologist and I can't label you as insane, but your thoughts were just that. Insane. Just like the guy who shot all those people in the Aurora shooting. The only difference between you and him, is he actually followed through. It just scares me that there are people out there who have such thoughts that were harbored from a innocent human being who did nothing wrong.
awesomeusername Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 "Get off your highhorse and join in with the real world, if you're so shocked by irrational thinking during the worst time of your life.. you need a serious reality check, you strike me as a person who's never experienced hardship." Wow. You are upset because I've never had the thought of murdering someone? That is enough for me to walk away from this post, perhaps before you get mad at me too and hunt me down. Goodbye. 1
weallfalldown Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 come on.....we've all thought of mental stuff before.....the difference is most of us wouldn't write it down............so don't give me your whiter than......
Author ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) "Get off your highhorse and join in with the real world, if you're so shocked by irrational thinking during the worst time of your life.. you need a serious reality check, you strike me as a person who's never experienced hardship." Wow. You are upset because I've never had the thought of murdering someone? That is enough for me to walk away from this post, perhaps before you get mad at me too and hunt me down. Goodbye. You're probably the type to scream rape when you spot a guy looking at your boobs... you're seriously not in the real world. Yes, she destroyed me emotionally, yes I wanted to kill the bitch, no I did not kill her, I'm getting over it... Maybe you should too? I just refuse to believe that your mind is so innocent, clean and fruitful, you've never thought for a split second about killing the person you hate the most in the world, I don't buy it. I can't believe you're actually trying to brand me an insane murderer, comparing me to a dude who shot and murdered 12 people over a movie? HAHAHAHAHA, what you're suggesting is actually HILARIOUS, it's cheered me up alot because I was actually feeling abit down today that's why I posted on here to remind myself that I've been through alot but I'm moving on, so thanks, because I thought things couldn't get any worse, but you've helped me see that could have been much worse... I could be an insane murderer just like James Holmes LOL, and YOU think I already am.. now that's a good one. Wait a second, are you sure you're not the insane one here? Edited August 10, 2012 by ParadeRain
Tree_Salmon Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I hit rock bottom. After 6 years with someone who I loved more than anything. Never once thought about killing anyone. In fact, I hope shes happy. Even when i thought she was a piece of s**t, I didn't wish death on anyone. You need to get rid of these feelings.
Author ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR I DO NOT WANT TO MURDER MY EX Damn right there was a point during the break up when I wanted to kill that bitch, she absolutely destroyed me emotionally and I hit rock bottom, I HATED her more than I had ever hated anything and I wanted to hurt her. That's how I felt at the time, right now I'm out of the hole I was in, my life is looking good and I realise she was never worth any of the hurt, and she never deserved to be loved so much, success is the best revenge and I can't wait to see her at my highest point, knowing she's going nowhere in life, stuck with a kid at 22, living on government handouts, switching from man to man... I know she'll regret her decision in time, and THAT makes me feel good. I don't wish her all the best, after what she put me through? I wish her all the worst in life, well wishing somebody who has hurt you to the point of rock bottom would be INSANE. As for these 2 idiots branding me an insane murderer, comparing me to the likes of the batman guy who shot and murdered 12 innocent people? I find that nothing short of HILARIOUS. I came here to make a constructive post... but now I seem like a dick, but I just can't help it when there's 2 absolutely IDIOTIC fool making absurd accusations because they read at one point I wanted to snuff my ex because she broke my heart lol... get over it guys... Note to self: You're sane Edited August 10, 2012 by ParadeRain
Tree_Salmon Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Man, love makes you do crazy crap but seriously nobody is worth losing your s**t over. What happens if it happens again? You gotta be ready to deal with hitting an even harder bottom. You're NOT the batman dude. BUT feeling like hurting someone you loved at the time wasn't particularly normal. It borderlines on the "if i cant have her, nobody will!" scale. That's not a normal thought people have. I know because a buddy of mine was the same exact way and now takes massive anti-psychotics to prevent that kind of s**t from happening. So yeah, not a healthy way to deal. You should have payed allot of attention to those feelings at the time. Don't let the next girl have this type of affect on you. Because relationships are tough.
Jono85 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I'm not a pussy, I don't come from a pussy background, I wouldn't say I'm a thug/gangster type but I'm no idiot, you won't stare at me in the street without being confronted, and if you disrespect me then we are fighting about it, hurt me and put me at rock bottom... and I am going to want to hurt you even worse, it's the person I am... But I'm logical too, I'd like to say I'm intelligent and mindful, I haven't hurt anybody, and I'm on the UP from this situation, I think that proves it. i know another guy like this and i'm sorry, but it's incredibly childish/immature. u guys need to grow up. handling lifes problems or ppl disrespecting u with violence is not tough at all. u say it's 'the person i am'...no, u can realize that being that way, is really not beneficial in any way and u can change those behaviours/thoughts. like the other guy i know, he's forged out the same identity and always brags that he's like that. always tells stories and throws out warnings that if someone disrespects him he'd beat the sh*t out of them etc etc. he's always confrontational and makes EVERYTHING personal, always having a beef. it's pathetic quite frankly. real men act civilized, not like animals.
2muchlove Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I think you guys need to get off the murder subject. This isn't a lecture. It's a man simply stating his situation. It could have even been the girl who brought the worst out in him. It may be good for him to recognize an underlying anger issue. But lets keep this about the heartbreak, shall we?
Author ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 It borderlines on the "if i cant have her, nobody will!" scale. . I see what you're saying with that, but that wasn't my situation, I wanted to hurt her because she had hurt me like I have never been hurt before, I wanted to hurt her even more than she had hurt me, not because I loved her and didn't want her to leave me, my love for her was gone by that point it was converted into pure hate, it's hard to describe how much I was hurting, impossible to describe.
Tree_Salmon Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I see what you're saying with that, but that wasn't my situation, I wanted to hurt her because she had hurt me like I have never been hurt before, I wanted to hurt her even more than she had hurt me, not because I loved her and didn't want her to leave me, my love for her was gone by that point it was converted into pure hate, it's hard to describe how much I was hurting, impossible to describe. Best way to hurt her is to live a better life than her. F**k getting even. You win in the end. Trust me, shes probably doing the same s**t to someone else. And she might never be happy. 1
2muchlove Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Best way to hurt her is to live a better life than her. F**k getting even. You win in the end. Trust me, shes probably doing the same s**t to someone else. And she might never be happy. True that. I dream about rolling up in a Bently to my ex's house in a $10,000 outfit and an italian supermodel telling her I was secretly rich all along. You missed out biaaaaaa!! Peace. And here's a check for your parents since they work a combined 160 hr week just to keep a roof over your head so you can spend all the money you make on drugs and alcohol you crazy b**ch. 2
Tree_Salmon Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 True that. I dream about rolling up in a Bently to my ex's house in a $10,000 outfit and an italian supermodel telling her I was secretly rich all along. You missed out biaaaaaa!! Peace. And here's a check for your parents since they work a combined 160 hr week just to keep a roof over your head so you can spend all the money you make on drugs and alcohol you crazy b**ch. Not even that forward. Just have her find all this stuff out through the grapevine. The more effort you put into these girls the less satisfaction you get. Just pretend she doesn't exist and she WILL find out whats happening in your life. 1
2muchlove Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Not even that forward. Just have her find all this stuff out through the grapevine. The more effort you put into these girls the less satisfaction you get. Just pretend she doesn't exist and she WILL find out whats happening in your life. You're so zen about all this. I don't actually have a fortune yet. But I'm working on one in spite of her.
Author ParadeRain Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 You're so zen about all this. I don't actually have a fortune yet. But I'm working on one in spite of her. Thats exactly what I plan to do, and my life is heading in the right direction for it, but its not for her its for me, but her seeing me do it will be a great bonus, she's friends with my family too so it's inevitable. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 You're so zen about all this. I don't actually have a fortune yet. But I'm working on one in spite of her. That's actually a very accurate description of how i feel lately. I'm zen because I've already seen this happen a handful of times. I know this is how it goes. But every situation is different so the times differ. It could be months before your ex investigates or it could be years. A buddy of mine had his ex come back after 5 years. She figured out everything about him again and begged. I've had it happen in every single one of my relationships.
awesomeusername Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I see what you're saying with that, but that wasn't my situation, I wanted to hurt her because she had hurt me like I have never been hurt before, I wanted to hurt her even more than she had hurt me, not because I loved her and didn't want her to leave me, my love for her was gone by that point it was converted into pure hate, it's hard to describe how much I was hurting, impossible to describe. And the only way to do that is by exactly what you said...SUCCESS. That is the best revenge. And it seems like you are heading in the right direction by starting a new career, making more money, and not taking her back. You say you "neglected" the relationship? In what ways?
2muchlove Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 That's actually a very accurate description of how i feel lately. I'm zen because I've already seen this happen a handful of times. I know this is how it goes. But every situation is different so the times differ. It could be months before your ex investigates or it could be years. A buddy of mine had his ex come back after 5 years. She figured out everything about him again and begged. I've had it happen in every single one of my relationships. 5 Years later? How long was their relationship?
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