Untouchable_Fire Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I want her to feel safe with me. I feel that her safety is one of the major things pushing her away from me. Did you have this problem in previous relationships, in other aspects of your life, or is it just with her? I've experienced a situation where due to the dynamic of the relationship my anger would just spiral out of control. It never got to the point where I hit her or shoved her but only because I would leave. She is just a toxic person and brings out the worst in everybody... especially me. Her saying that she is shutting down... that is her blaming you 100% for the situation. You need to find a strategy for dealing with this and then stick to it. It might be that she is very reasonable and this is all your fault, however I typically find that it takes 2 to create this kind of environment. 2
Author icDude Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Did you have this problem in previous relationships, in other aspects of your life, or is it just with her? I think we have some what of a toxic dynamic, but I have always had trouble managing my anger, since I was a child.
Author icDude Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 Not much therapy to overcome it. I have gone to a couple therapist in the past specifically about this issue, but never sustained any therapy. Now that I am talking to an IC about the drama in my life, I intend to bring this issue up to the front. As I said, I have already started taking some meds. and have been working on keeping a calm perspective.
Betrayed&Stayed Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Not much therapy to overcome it. I have gone to a couple therapist in the past specifically about this issue, but never sustained any therapy. Now that I am talking to an IC about the drama in my life, I intend to bring this issue up to the front. As I said, I have already started taking some meds. and have been working on keeping a calm perspective. I learned a lot about depression post D-day. For men, depression usually manifests itself as irritability. I went on anti-depressants for awhile because I was blowing up frequently. This may or may not be relevant to your situation.
turnera Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 Yoga is great for maintaining calm. And tai chi. As for your wife, if she sees you going to therapy specifically for the one thing that has hurt her so much, it might help her to look at you in a new light - but ONLY if you stick with it. 1
Author icDude Posted August 16, 2012 Author Posted August 16, 2012 I learned a lot about depression post D-day. For men, depression usually manifests itself as irritability. I went on anti-depressants for awhile because I was blowing up frequently. This may or may not be relevant to your situation. That's what my IC and doc both said about me.
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