Wanted thoughts on this from females

August 10, 2012

So me and my ex have been dating for about 2 years with one breakup inbetween.. What im thinking is that my ex is bored of me and that she wants to try smth new and have fun... We broke up yesterday and she said if she changers her mind she will let me know... Do girls get bored and want to change scenery often.. Do they wanna have fun try something new cause their bored? Her longest relationship is with me 2 yrs... She said she lost feelings not enough for us to continue

August 10, 2012

So me and my ex have been dating for about 2 years with one breakup inbetween.. What im thinking is that my ex is bored of me and that she wants to try smth new and have fun... We broke up yesterday and she said if she changers her mind she will let me know... Do girls get bored and want to change scenery often.. Do they wanna have fun try something new cause their bored? Her longest relationship is with me 2 yrs... She said she lost feelings not enough for us to continue

Do you even want her back? I mean after the way she treated you? "If she changes her mind she will let me know" << Read this. How do you feel? You're not a doormat, you deserve better man

August 10, 2012

How old are you two?

Many people - not just girls - experience GIGS in their twenties and switch partners often, not settling on one person until their thirties.

August 10, 2012

Do you even want her back? I mean after the way she treated you? "If she changes her mind she will let me know" << Read this. How do you feel? You're not a doormat, you deserve better man

Good question... Right now id say i would take her back.. I really do miss her fml

August 10, 2012

How old are you two?

Many people - not just girls - experience GIGS in their twenties and switch partners often, not settling on one person until their thirties.

We are both in our mid twenties..

August 10, 2012

We are both in our mid twenties..

Sounds like she is right on track with what many women go through. Not much you can do about it, I'm afraid. I've seen it happen to guys when they hit their early 30s as well.

August 10, 2012

I'm going through something like this (we are both early 20's though). Best I can suggest is give her, her space and take this as an opportunity to better yourself. Work out, join a sport team, hang out with some old buddies you neglected. If you really love her, you have to understand this won't be fast. You are looking at about a 6 month to a year situation.

From everything I read, if you do NC and better yourself, it takes a good three months before the ex will contact you to talk (if your breakup wasn't bad and you had a normal relationship) and then around the four to five month part they REALLY realize what they had.

In this time you need to better yourself. Because even if you get back together, if you are both the same things are destined to fail. One thing I always think of to help me through this is this: she found something in you enough to date you and for this long. She obviously loves you. Now imagine if she doesn't date you for three months and sees an even BETTER version of the man she first fell in love with.

See the difference? Just remember, if you two do get back together, TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't start full force, or you are destined to fail. Give her space and if you two do get back together talk about what you both think went wrong and how you can fix it.

August 10, 2012

I totally agree with notsure, you have to cool off towards her, as much as you love her she is going through a phase in her life everyone goes through. She thinks she can be happier elsewhere, most of the time it doesn't even have to do with you. My ex is going through the same thing right now and I could tell as she would say stuf like "you know, the average person dates 8 people in their life time" and stuff like that. I do love her and I wish things had worked out, but since then I have improved my life greatly as an individual, which is something most people can't do as a part of a couple. Best of luck mate

August 10, 2012

Thanks guys n girls! Knowing her she usually just moves on...she seemed perfectly fine... Couple tears but seems like she's really done... We haven't spoke since. I'm looking for a job to kill time. Just graded from college

August 10, 2012

So i got a call from her today because something had happened and she wanted me to go check it out.. I did it for her cuz she has work and it wasnt far for me.. She seems fine.. Although her day didnt seem to go well.. Unlucky for her today.. I can say i miss her and that i love her. U dont know what u have until its gone

August 11, 2012

So i got a call from her today because something had happened and she wanted me to go check it out.. I did it for her cuz she has work and it wasnt far for me.. She seems fine.. Although her day didnt seem to go well.. Unlucky for her today.. I can say i miss her and that i love her. U dont know what u have until its gone

I know, as being a nice guy, you did that with good intentions, but I am telling you: don't. You will be a doormat. Make her miss the nice things you did. You keep this up and you will quickly become her friend and never get another chance.

August 11, 2012

When are people going to listen? I called this 11 months ago!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/299705-we-got-back-together-then

Ok so you continued to be a doormat and a nice guy. Look where it has gotten you. No where. AND YOU STILL CONTINUE TO DO IT... LOL

When do guys grow balls and say enough is enough and move on with their lives.

Albert Einstein said it best "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Yeah, I don't plan on talking to her... Just let it be for now. Gotta work on some faults I may have. She thinks ill be there for her whenever but not this time.. I'm going NC for sure

August 11, 2012

Even then 11 months before we did get back together.. I'm just sure she has the GIGS again or something.. Who knows.. Grass isn't always greener on the other side.. Let time do it's fine is what i'm going to do for now.

August 11, 2012

When are people going to listen? I called this 11 months ago!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/299705-we-got-back-together-then

Ok so you continued to be a doormat and a nice guy. Look where it has gotten you. No where. AND YOU STILL CONTINUE TO DO IT... LOL

When do guys grow balls and say enough is enough and move on with their lives.

Albert Einstein said it best "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I don't think there is anything wrong with trying again if you truly love the person. BUT, individuals can not just get back together. Both sides have to become a better person and really look at what went wrong and work at it. Love isn't enough, you have to put in work, relationships aren't easy. I love my parents more than anything, but there were times where I didn't like them and yelled at them and everything. Love isn't easy.

August 11, 2012

I don't think there is anything wrong with trying again if you truly love the person. BUT, individuals can not just get back together. Both sides have to become a better person and really look at what went wrong and work at it. Love isn't enough, you have to put in work, relationships aren't easy. I love my parents more than anything, but there were times where I didn't like them and yelled at them and everything. Love isn't easy.

Exactly. It takes two hands to clap. If the other party isn't trying, then accept the fact and move on. Sometimes a BU happens to us in order for us to learn and grow up

August 11, 2012

Exactly. It takes two hands to clap. If the other party isn't trying, then accept the fact and move on. Sometimes a BU happens to us in order for us to learn and grow up

It's just so weird we were together even kissing n she said she loved me even last week just until I got mad at her the real truth comes out like wtf?

August 11, 2012

It's just so weird we were together even kissing n she said she loved me even last week just until I got mad at her the real truth comes out like wtf?

Sometimes they feel like they can't take it anymore. It's not that they don't love you and all. Heck my ex and I even kissed when we broke up. The thing is you have to accept the fact that you pushed them over the border. Well, take this with a pinch of salt and change for the better it's a win-win situation

August 11, 2012

Sometimes they feel like they can't take it anymore. It's not that they don't love you and all. Heck my ex and I even kissed when we broke up. The thing is you have to accept the fact that you pushed them over the border. Well, take this with a pinch of salt and change for the better it's a win-win situation

Yeah, I can honestly say I was insecure and jealous.. If only we could start fresh like we just met cuz then was prolly one of our best times although every time was a good time for me.. Through thick n thin I was always there for her.. Right now I miss her but know what i need to improve on.

August 11, 2012

I know, as being a nice guy, you did that with good intentions, but I am telling you: don't. You will be a doormat. Make her miss the nice things you did. You keep this up and you will quickly become her friend and never get another chance.

I agree with notsure. Start to live for yourself and you'll see that she'll be surprised and flattered and SHE will try to get back in your life, instead of the other way around. I've personally tried this theory with my ex, and it worked. But like is said on this thread also, once back together, it requires a lot of work from both sides. Getting someone back by changing your ways is easy, keeping your ways changed during the relationship, that's the hardest part.

August 11, 2012

I agree with notsure. Start to live for yourself and you'll see that she'll be surprised and flattered and SHE will try to get back in your life, instead of the other way around. I've personally tried this theory with my ex, and it worked. But like is said on this thread also, once back together, it requires a lot of work from both sides. Getting someone back by changing your ways is easy, keeping your ways changed during the relationship, that's the hardest part.

This is going to come up, so I'll ask. What exactly did you do and how long did it take?

August 11, 2012

This is going to come up, so I'll ask. What exactly did you do and how long did it take?

The exact thing I did?

I sat around in my place, cried and ate pizza and watched movies all day for the first 2 weeks of NC. I was a mess but I felt dumped so badly that I would not even think of getting in contact myself.

Then I realised, he is going to the gym every day, he is going to the movies with his friends, etc. etc. What the hell am I doing? Getting fat and wrinkly cause of the eatin and cryin for a guy that cares enough to even taking better care of himself RIGHT after the break up?

I started going to the gym, I cleaned my house, watched movies, I made dates with my friends and did fun stuff, and I embraced my being alone. See my ex was always good at spending time with himself, I wasn't, and I guess that's what made it harder for me. I also started to think of my own faults and his faults. I started to see things clearly once I took my distance and started caring for myself.

During this time I was still missing him madly, yes. I was still hoping he would call and we would reconcile. BUT it wasn't as bad as before, when I was hoping and soping ALL DAY for him to call me.

Then after 2 weeks of this he called me..PAY ATTENTION!!

Even though I was thrilled and overly overly excited..I acted cool. I acted cool, yet interested as if I were speaking to a long lost friend. We spoke for 1.5 hrs and then we hung up. I didn't ask for a meet up nothing. Of course I had a break down after hanging up cause I missed him, but still.. He didn't have to know this. See the problem is, we as sensitive caring persons, give our partners too much power. This is why they think they can behave like this.

Then a couple days later he started emailing me and we mailed a little back and forth, AGAIN, my answers were witty and funny, yet short and relaxed!

And then...one day..he calls me and asks if we should hang out .

That's how it all started..then we started dating again being a couple again etc. But this time I had set boundaries (read my recent thread) and this caused us to argue and at the same time his tolerance level towards me was down to -100 so we didn't last longer than 3 weeks. That's why I'm saying, it requires a lot lot lot of work from both sides. Me and my ex, we failed to work hard enough, don't make the same mistake. Take it slowly.

August 11, 2012

The exact thing I did?

I sat around in my place, cried and ate pizza and watched movies all day for the first 2 weeks of NC. I was a mess but I felt dumped so badly that I would not even think of getting in contact myself.

Then I realised, he is going to the gym every day, he is going to the movies with his friends, etc. etc. What the hell am I doing? Getting fat and wrinkly cause of the eatin and cryin for a guy that cares enough to even taking better care of himself RIGHT after the break up?

I started going to the gym, I cleaned my house, watched movies, I made dates with my friends and did fun stuff, and I embraced my being alone. See my ex was always good at spending time with himself, I wasn't, and I guess that's what made it harder for me. I also started to think of my own faults and his faults. I started to see things clearly once I took my distance and started caring for myself.

During this time I was still missing him madly, yes. I was still hoping he would call and we would reconcile. BUT it wasn't as bad as before, when I was hoping and soping ALL DAY for him to call me.

Then after 2 weeks of this he called me..PAY ATTENTION!!
Even though I was thrilled and overly overly excited..I acted cool. I acted cool, yet interested as if I were speaking to a long lost friend. We spoke for 1.5 hrs and then we hung up. I didn't ask for a meet up nothing. Of course I had a break down after hanging up cause I missed him, but still.. He didn't have to know this. See the problem is, we as sensitive caring persons, give our partners too much power. This is why they think they can behave like this.

Then a couple days later he started emailing me and we mailed a little back and forth, AGAIN, my answers were witty and funny, yet short and relaxed!

And then...one day..he calls me and asks if we should hang out .
That's how it all started..then we started dating again being a couple again etc. But this time I had set boundaries (read my recent thread) and this caused us to argue and at the same time his tolerance level towards me was down to -100 so we didn't last longer than 3 weeks. That's why I'm saying, it requires a lot lot lot of work from both sides. Me and my ex, we failed to work hard enough, don't make the same mistake. Take it slowly.

I stayed with my gf a her place even though i could just stay at my place.. When we got back together the first time i said i would sleep at home.. Didnt happen. We got too use of each other and she finally blew up and she lost feelings for me. I was already suspicious. There may or may not be a new person in her life but i can say there prolly is. I went drinking and just hung around with my friends last night, it was good times.. No i didnt drunk text her or anything but when I got home i really miss her.. The thought of her not bein there really sucks. If we do get back together do u recommend us seeing each other wayyy less cuz we saw each other really often

August 11, 2012

NC, NC, NC.

And if she comes back, you play it cool and make her work for it.

Honestly, what I can tell you is that sometimes people just get tired of people. Being in your 20s doesn't help either as you start thinking there's something better out there. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't, but the point of the story is you can't be waiting around for someone to make up their mind. She's dangling a string in front of you and you're just jumping at it. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

Even if you guys get back together, it will not last and you'll be back here with the same story. I don't want to seem harsh about things, because I know what you're going through, but do for yourself. Worry about you. If she comes back, great; if not, good riddance. At the end of the day, you have you to care for.

August 11, 2012

NC, NC, NC.

And if she comes back, you play it cool and make her work for it.

Honestly, what I can tell you is that sometimes people just get tired of people. Being in your 20s doesn't help either as you start thinking there's something better out there. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't, but the point of the story is you can't be waiting around for someone to make up their mind. She's dangling a string in front of you and you're just jumping at it. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

Even if you guys get back together, it will not last and you'll be back here with the same story. I don't want to seem harsh about things, because I know what you're going through, but do for yourself. Worry about you. If she comes back, great; if not, good riddance. At the end of the day, you have you to care for.

I guess NC has been initiated for about 2 days? Although she still has some stuff left over at my place. She hasnt contacted me other than for the emergency.. She used to come visit the games we play together even during our first breakup.. Now she hasnt even done that.. I really believe she is done with me this time.. Gave her all the power in our relationship... Not a good idea

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