Dave41 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Hey guys , so here's the thing i fell for this girl big time she left me and i feel like it was all my fault. After she broke up with me i was so insecure about evertyhing and i kept showing it to her. I regret that now. but now, 4 months later, i still get the urge to get answers from her why do i do this? it's like a state of stress i keep getting myself into, driving myself insane with the thought that it has not been closed properly and i STILL need to let her know how i feel ( like she doesnt already know that..) and i still feel the need to get answers from her (like if she cheated and why she left me etc). But i know she has been very clear already and has defenitly moved on, and seeking contact is the LAST thing is should be doing. Talking to her now would only prove to her im still not over her and she would most likely respond with: move on. stop calling me. when i met her i was in a bad place in my life and thought i could count on her for some support. in many ways and i forced it way too soon. but for a long time she gave me the feeling it was a mutual thing.. then one day she said it was all getting to serious and she couldnt feel anything for me anymore.. so why do i keep getting the feeling i need to let her know that i either miss or am angry at her... i want to move on and focus on myself, but it's really that specific feeling i get, like im writing emails in my head over and over. explaining everything... once i let that feeling go i feel more at ease and accaptence with myself, and start to focus more on my surroundings.. only to fall back in the same feeling all over again. like i almost cant resist the urge to let her know im still here. Its bothering me and it is keeping me from moving on. Why do i do this? I already started to work out and try to find distraction but it's hard because i dont have a lot going on right now. No job or anything... am i angry at myself? if so, why cant i stop thinking it was all my fault? i hope i made myself clear... i could really use some feedback. Thnx dave ,
durentu Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 the mature thing to do is to BURN THAT BRIDGE. You have anchored yourself to a huge boulder. If you keep this up, you are going to start liking that boulder. BE FREE
Author Dave41 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 i agree but what do i have to do to make this feel 'closed' without contacting her? it's been going on way to long and 'just move on' doesnt really help anymore
durentu Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 The only 2 things that I know that works effectively is an emotional catharsis, or rigorous exercise. There is no easy way, because the brain has to disconnect those neurons that no longer should be. Just keep diet in good order, and go exercise until the feelings pass. picture burning ceremonies help a lot.
Author Dave41 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 alright thanks man although i dont have pictures to burn ( only digital - no printer ) i do have some things i can throw away >wish i could burn her instead, just so i can feel something warm coming from her for once thnx
villageman Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 I know it's not fun to hear, and it's probably not the answer you're looking for, but time, man, and lots of it. Basically, you have to put enough time and other experiences between you and that relationship for it to become something of the past and not of the present. You also need to make sure you get a clean break from her, meaning no contact, no facebook stalking, no looking through old pictures, etc. That's easier said than done though. You could try to go to her for answers, but you probably wouldn't get the answers you were looking for, and I don't think you'll find the closure you want. It's sad, but a lot of times when relationships go south, there aren't any clear answers as to why things worked out the way they did, and it's better to just accept that things didn't work and move on. There are probably some lessons you can learn about how you were in the relationship and how you can do better next time, but after you've learned those lessons, it's time to let go and move on. But you've got an opportunity now to really work on yourself, to improve things about yourself so that the next time a girl comes around that you're interested in, you'll be ready, and then all of this stuff will just be a distant memory. You can't fast forward through it though, these things just suck and the best you can do is keep your head up and work hard, and know that it will get better some day. 1
Riss87 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 I found this article in the paper helped me out a little. "How do I get over my ex" Getting over a break up can take a really long time. Regret can be paralysing as it prevents you from moving forward and tempts you to look backwards and feel bad. The key lies in two words: letting go. Break ups are about letting go and moving on. But you are stuck wanting to reconnect with your ex, perhaps in order to be forgiven for things that you said, or perhaps because you want to stay attached. You are experiencing a slow, enduring agony by maintaining an emotional attachment to your ex. It may feel too hard to make a clean break but it will be over quicker and then truly heal and allow yourself to move on, first to being happily single and then into a new healthier relationship. Dont think that far ahead though, now is the time to forgive yourself. You dont need to reconnect with your ex, especially if reconcilliation is out of the question. You need to let go in your own mind. Write down everything you're grateful for as a result of the relationship and everything you have learned, and project your thoughts forward by writing down what your ideal relationship and partner would be. If you still feel you need forgiveness from your ex, write her a letter. Make it a goodbye letter and take the high road. Dont be sour; express regret for what you said in the heat of the split and wish her well. Do not expect a response and do not send it in the hope of receiving one. Write it with the idea of letting them go and you actually might do it. It might feel awful at first but in the end will feel better than feeling as you do now for another 2-12months... Gabrielle Morrissey Maybe it will give you something to think about too
Recommended Posts