ariesbijoux Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I met a guy two years ago and we began a casual relationship. When we were together it hardly felt casual; it felt like I'd found a kindred spirit. The charming and fun guy I'd met became Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. He ended up getting back together with his ex. From 2010 to April of 2012 we've been on/off in contact via text either making amends to be friends or having it out. It seemed like there was always a power struggle, hot & cold behavior and he was very vague and ambiguous with me. He always singled me out from other girls. He can be friends and friendly with other girls, but not me. Recently, after a month of no contact from me, I guess he felt he lost me and put on the friendly charm and we started talking again. He told me whatever kind of friendship we had recently was a good balance and he hasn't complained nor was he complaining. I was relieved. Though, it didn't last long because he went into sabotage mode. I told him that I did want him around, as in yes, I'd like to stay in touch two days later. He took it to mean I wanted him and me to hook up or be together in some way. He flips out on me telling me to not come at him lovey dovey and that he couldn't do it and isn't trying to. He makes it a point to call me " Bro ", and says we can be friends, but that's it. He says you just said you want me around and that's just not gonna happen though. He had rejected me all over again, and to add insult to injury I hadn't suggested anything nor wanted anything beyond friendship.
Author ariesbijoux Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 I admit to losing control of my emotions and it re-opened old wounds and I let him have it. From that day in mid April forward he's been giving me the silent treatment. I tried everything I could to find common ground and reach compromise to salvage our friendship, but with no luck. I'm ashamed I bombarded him with texts and facebook message, but my intentions were good. For three months he ignored me and my attempts to reconcile. He would ignore my texts, but update his online status saying things such as " I promise I'm that same kid you thought you knew. Stubborn as they come and only time can change me ", or " I won't take the bait no more. You're wasting your time ". I'm exhausted and drained from trying to salvage what I thought was a friendship. I ended up sending him my last message and final words on Aug. 29th. I didn't expect a reply or him to even read it, but it felt good to send it and close the chapter because I would not receive closure from him, I had to give it to myself. The crucial point of the message was I was removing toxic friendships and irreparable relationships that do not add nor serve any value to my life. I didn't blame him or attack him. It was a very calm and mature message. I ended it saying he's always have a place in my heart and I wished him well. ...yet the fear or rather the truth of knowing I may never see him or hear from him again is getting to me. I know I shouldn't want to see or talk to him again for how he's behaved, but I try to see the best in everyone. For him to have shunned me after all this time and everything we've both said to each other, it hurts. He knew how I felt about him, but it just feels like nothing, but a game to him or rather its his way or no way, his terms or nothing at all. From my perspective, nothing says I don't like you, you're not worth my time or energy, you're nothing to me than giving someone the silent treatment and you know how they feel and you know they're wanting to hear what you think or feel. The emotional trauma I feel is overwhelming, but I'm trying everyday to journal and work on myself.
TaraMaiden Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 So basically, you're lying to him and to yourself, and you have done all along? The only cure is No Contact. but you have to do it. Otherwise he'll yank your chain for the remainder of your living days. Exactly as he has done so far....
Author ariesbijoux Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 ..perhaps I should've known how things would end between us. He wrestled in college and at an event I went to back in 2011 we saw each other. He made it a point to walk pass me. Our eyes met and they lingered, but neither of us said hello or anything to the other. We were just like two strangers passing on the street. I left and as I walked out, he was just standing there, staring at me, but it looked like he was smirking. He didn't turn around until I was out of his sight. That was the last time I ever saw him face to face. It'll be two years come October.
Author ariesbijoux Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 So basically, you're lying to him and to yourself, and you have done all along? The only cure is No Contact. but you have to do it. Otherwise he'll yank your chain for the remainder of your living days. Exactly as he has done so far.... What do you mean by lying to him and myself? Can you clarify? I hope for brutal honesty from all replies.
kindest Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Dear, you have to stop bugging him. He clearly doesn't care about what happened between you two.
TaraMaiden Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 What do you mean by lying to him and myself? Can you clarify? I hope for brutal honesty from all replies. It's absolutely crystal clear from your posts that you are H.over H. in love with this guy and want more from him - but you're telling him - and yourself - the opposite in order to not scare him away, make him feel cornered or put his back against the wall with the *commitment* thing.... You wanted this guy - he knew it. Hence the outcome. Hence, my No Contact Advice.
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