soulforge2010 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 i,m going to try & keep this short as possible! i must point out, that this is the 3rd time this woman has dumped me. DUMPING NUMBER ONE: i met her on a dating site, we was seeing each other for 3 weeks, then all of a sudden she stopped responding to my text messages & I didn't hear anything from her again... No explanation from her, why she has stopped communicating, gave me no reason at all, just VANISHED into thin air.... wow this really hurt me pretty bad! turns out, her friend saw my profile showing "online" on this dating site where we both met... the thing is, i went onto the dating site, to delete my account & remove my pictures! but she just vanished & dumped me, without even giving me the opportunity to explain myself or give her a reason. my ex's friend contacted me 3 weeks later & said she wants her watch back, that she left at my place, i asked her friend why has she dumped me? she told me the reason & i explained to her friend, that i only went on the dating site to delete my account, why did she not speak to me (any way we got back together again) DUMPING NUMBER TWO: been seeing her for about 6 months now, i was seeing her at least twice a week & we was spending both nights together. it was difficult for me to spend more time with her at that point, as i was working weekends, also because of the distance between us. she never really raised this to me, as bieng a major problem. anyway she took me home to meet her children for the first time, i felt things was getting more serious between us & was quite happy about that. 4 days after meeting her family & kids, i get dumped by TEXT she said, i only see her, when i want to see her & it just isn't going to workout out between me & her. GUTTED! i did not respond back to the text, as i do not do begging or pleading, she had made her descision... if only she had spoke to me about this problem, i would have changed my work hours, or done anything else in my power, for us to see each other more often, but once again, no communication, just straight dumped me!! DUMPING NUMBER THREE: 8 months after she dumped me & broke my heart... i receive an email from her, with her new mobile number, asking me to contact her. i made contact (foolishly) we met up & she told me, she made a mistake & should have talked to me about seeing each other more, rather than just dumping me. she said she wants another chance & will never hurt me again & will do everything in here power to help me trust her again... i explained to her, it will not be easy, as i need to be able to trust her again & that may not happen just over night... she was ok with that. we got back together & been seeing each other for only 2 months now & had a couple of arguments. the last argument we had was last week & we both was sending angry text messages back & forth, back & forth, some of the things she was saying was really upsetting me, so i stopped texting her back. i did not want to get sucked into a text war with her, it was not achieving anything & was just going to get worse & worse, why carry on like that? so i just stopped texting & decided to leave things for a bit, so both of us could calm down. i was hoping once things have calmed down, we would be able to communicate better. anyway later that night about 10pm i get this text message "YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO WORK THINGS OUT, I WILL BE COMING OVER SUNDAY TO TAKE MY THINGS BACK, TAKE CARE & HOPE YOU FIND WHAT YOUR LOOKING FOR.... I was gutted to read this, as i had no intention of finishing her, i just wanted us both to stop texting angry messages & just to calm down. so i sent her a text back, explaining that i did not finish anything with you, just did not want to continue arguing & fine she can take her things back. because i did not text her for a space of about 6 hours??? she is saying that means i have ended it with her. for god sake, if i wanted to end a relationship, i would tell her its over!!!! the thing, is she blames me for everything & manipulates the situation. she indirectly ends the relationship, then makes it look like i ended it, through my actions. i gave her another chance with me, in the hope that she will help me to trust her again, but she seems to be just taking the piss out of me. i feel like she is always manipulating the situation.. even after all this has happened, i invited her to my place for a chat, i told her, that i feel like she is just messing me about, she listened to me for 5 minutes, swore at me, shouted at me, said she has done nothing to hurt me at all, she then said i want all my things back, she collected her belongings & left. before she left, i told her not to contact me again, as i have had enough. even after all this, i miss her & something tells me she will be back again. am i playing with fire here? everything tells me i should run far far away from this woman... yet still i miss her
KatZee Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Are you kidding me with this? Of course you're going to miss her. You dated her!! That doesn't mean she's good for you or right for you! 1
durentu Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Suppose that a restaurant gave you back food, 3 times in a row. Why would you ever consider going back for the 4th time? Humans have this flaw where they cannot burn the bridges behind them. They irrationally and predictably waste time and money keeping all the doors open, even if it obviously kills them. And, if you ask them about it, they are completely sane and logical about it, but still cannot bring themselves to close those doors. Do yourself a favor. BURN THAT BRIDGE. 3
outofgoodbyes Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Humans have this flaw where they cannot burn the bridges behind them. They irrationally and predictably waste time and money keeping all the doors open, even if it obviously kills them. And, if you ask them about it, they are completely sane and logical about it, but still cannot bring themselves to close those doors. Do yourself a favor. BURN THAT BRIDGE. Absolutely love this. 1
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Suppose that a restaurant gave you back food, 3 times in a row. Why would you ever consider going back for the 4th time? Humans have this flaw where they cannot burn the bridges behind them. They irrationally and predictably waste time and money keeping all the doors open, even if it obviously kills them. And, if you ask them about it, they are completely sane and logical about it, but still cannot bring themselves to close those doors. Do yourself a favor. BURN THAT BRIDGE. no i would not consider going back the fourth time? i am quite certain she will try contact me again at some point. is the best way forward total no contact with her? nothing to do with her again
KatZee Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 no i would not consider going back the fourth time? i am quite certain she will try contact me again at some point. is the best way forward total no contact with her? nothing to do with her again who cares if she does? Ignore it. Delete it. Block her number. This way you'll never even know if she tries.
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 who cares if she does? Ignore it. Delete it. Block her number. This way you'll never even know if she tries. thank you for your input katzee. there are many guys on here, hoping & praying there exes would contact them, after they have been dumped, maybe they are hoping for a chance of trying again.... in my case & from what you have read about my situation, do you feel i did the the absolute right thing, by telling her, i don't want nothing to do with her again & to delete my number? she is still playing the victim in all this!! i feel like i took some power back off her
KatZee Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 thank you for your input katzee. there are many guys on here, hoping & praying there exes would contact them, after they have been dumped, maybe they are hoping for a chance of trying again.... in my case & from what you have read about my situation, do you feel i did the the absolute right thing, by telling her, i don't want nothing to do with her again & to delete my number? she is still playing the victim in all this!! i feel like i took some power back off her I honestly think you're wasting your time continuing to dwell on this piss poor excuse for a woman. I actually don't think you did the right thing. The right thing would have been to drop her like a sack of rocks after she did this the first time. You went back for more and more. So in that aspect, no. You f'ked up. You're finally getting it though, and this is you finally doing the right thing. Stop dwelling. Stop questioning your decision. I think you need to focus more on your lack of confidence, and your clear lack of self worth.
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 she sent me an email today!!! i have not read it, knowing her the way i do. it will either be an email blaming me for everything, even tho it is her who keeps ending things over something silly. or it will be a long winded good bye speech? i very much doubt she will be wanting to make up with me. do i read it, or ignore? after all this, still a big part of me wants her back, what the hell is wrong with me! by not texting her for about 6 or 7 hours, did i deserve this? is this situation my own fault?
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 hey guys, i have recieved another email from her yesterday, but have not read them, as i am worried it will slow down my recovery... not sure what they might say, am i best just leaving them alone & moving forward?
durentu Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) I wrote Humans have this flaw where they cannot burn the bridges behind them. They irrationally and predictably waste time and money keeping all the doors open, even if it obviously kills them. And, if you ask them about it, they are completely sane and logical about it, but still cannot bring themselves to close those doors. Do yourself a favor. BURN THAT BRIDGE. and then ... she sent me an email today!!! i have not read it, knowing her the way i do. it will either be an email blaming me for everything, even tho it is her who keeps ending things over something silly. or it will be a long winded good bye speech? i very much doubt she will be wanting to make up with me. do i read it, or ignore? after all this, still a big part of me wants her back, what the hell is wrong with me! by not texting her for about 6 or 7 hours, did i deserve this? is this situation my own fault? no contact is not enough BURN THAT BRIDGE !! DISENGAGE Edited August 14, 2012 by durentu 1
flitzanu Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 i,m going to try & keep this short as possible! i must point out, that this is the 3rd time this woman has dumped me. that's all i read. the answer is yes, you'd be a complete fool to want her back.
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 14, 2012 Author Posted August 14, 2012 that's all i read. the answer is yes, you'd be a complete fool to want her back. to be honest, i have no intention of getting back with her.... i,m having a few moments of weakness, but getting stronger by the day! i am actually feeling a little good about, telling her to her face, that i never want to see her again & dont bother contacting me again!
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 really struggling with my emotions... keep blaming myself... then snapping out and blaming her.... i want her back, thinking this time round we can make it work. then i realise, i alone cannot make it work, can i trust her to make it work!!! this is so hard
KatZee Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 really struggling with my emotions... keep blaming myself... then snapping out and blaming her.... i want her back, thinking this time round we can make it work. then i realise, i alone cannot make it work, can i trust her to make it work!!! this is so hard You're going to have days like these. You'll find out your true strength each day you don't cave and contact her. IT WILL NOT WORK WITH HER. Don't think if you did something or said something, it would. It won't. 1
The Tallest One Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Soulforge, I'm in the same boat, it's not at all fun is it?
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 You're going to have days like these. You'll find out your true strength each day you don't cave and contact her. IT WILL NOT WORK WITH HER. Don't think if you did something or said something, it would. It won't. thank you for your support katzee... i wish i did not have to post on here, but i don't have much family or friends support, so it helps to get some strenght from people who have been through similar situations... i keep telling myself, if i had texted her straight away that day, maybe things would not have got this far.... but then i ask myself is that all it takes for us to break up... if we got back together, there will always be another day where we will argue (because every couple has the odd argument) what will happen then!! maybe she does these things out of fear, or maybe just immature impulsive reactions.... maybe we should have sat down, and discussed why she does, what she does, from what you know of my situation katzee, what is the likely outcome of getting back with her?
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 Soulforge, I'm in the same boat, it's not at all fun is it? no my friend, it's a very difficult time, with some serious decisions to be made! tell me a little about your situation?
KatZee Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (edited) i keep telling myself, if i had texted her straight away that day, maybe things would not have got this far.... but then i ask myself is that all it takes for us to break up... if we got back together, there will always be another day where we will argue (because every couple has the odd argument) The issue isn't you. IT'S HER. Stop analyzing what you did or didn't do. This has nothing to do with you. maybe she does these things out of fear, or maybe just immature impulsive reactions.... maybe we should have sat down, and discussed why she does, what she does Stop trying to rationalize why she's a manipulative twat. She just IS. And you already tried to have those discussions. Remember? All she did was turn it around to make you out to be the bad guy. She's not mature enough, or sane enough to sit down and have an actual conversation where she acknowledges and owns up to her own dysfunctional behavior. from what you know of my situation katzee, what is the likely outcome of getting back with her? I can't even answer your threads anymore. Seriously. It's like talking to a brick wall. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THIS PERSON, SHE WILL NEVER WAKE UP, SHE WILL NEVER HAVE A PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATION WITH YOU, AND IF YOU GO RUNNING BACK YOU WILL JUST BE DUMPED AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN... Rant over. Do I really need to drill this in again? Come on dude. But if you want my honest opinion, the chances of you being back with her are very good. She treats you like crap, and you go running back like you think something has miraculously changed. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results." Edited August 15, 2012 by KatZee 1
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 The issue isn't you. IT'S HER. Stop analyzing what you did or didn't do. This has nothing to do with you. Stop trying to rationalize why she's a manipulative twat. She just IS. And you already tried to have those discussions. Remember? All she did was turn it around to make you out to be the bad guy. She's not mature enough, or sane enough to sit down and have an actual conversation where she acknowledges and owns up to her own dysfunctional behavior. I can't even answer your threads anymore. Seriously. It's like talking to a brick wall. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THIS PERSON, SHE WILL NEVER WAKE UP, SHE WILL NEVER HAVE A PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATION WITH YOU, AND IF YOU GO RUNNING BACK YOU WILL JUST BE DUMPED AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN... Rant over. Do I really need to drill this in again? Come on dude. But if you want my honest opinion, the chances of you being back with her are very good. She treats you like crap, and you go running back like you think something has miraculously changed. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results." lol yes katzee, you must think i,m mad lol ok, i will from today stop trying to rationlize this woman, and yes you are right, i did try to talk to her & she played the blame game again, and stomped out. when i look back at the relationship with her, it is true... no matter how wrong she has been about things in the past, she has never actually admitted wrong doing or apologised for anything! i am going to tell myself i deserve someone more stable & better than her. she is immature, and totaly unpredictable! is that grounds for a long lasting relationship.... no! i fear losing her to another man... but she will become someone elses problem & not mine! in my experience, when people make emotionaly charged inpulsive desicions, they soon come to realise what a mistake they have made! if that realisation ever comes to her, i will prepare myself to turn her away! the one thing that i do feel good about is.... i don't actually feel like i am a dumpee, as i was the one who looked her in the face & told her clearly i want nothing to do with you, nor do i want to hear from you! i am burning this bridge, for sure
lovehurts82 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (edited) "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." -Benjamin Franklin Yes.. you would be "insane" to take this woman back. You've done the same thing three times now and you've always gotten the same results. She strings you along for a little while, then finds a reason to dump you. Leave her alone. Don't text her. Don't call her. Delete her e-mails. Block all her contact infos so you won't know if she DOES try and contact you. Also, in the future, I would say not to try and deal with things in texts. Anyone can read anything in a text and get a completely different message from it. I would have given up on the text arguing and just called her rather than leaving things go for 6 hrs. Hang in there! Stay strong! You're worth more than to be strung along like a puppet on a string. Be a man and stand up for yourself. Quit running back to her, as obviously she doesn't care what you go through when she pulls these stunts. As it says in the above quote, your likely outcome if you get back together with her again is the same as it's always been. She'll use you to fill a need for a while, then leave you on the curb as she's always done. Edit: I just realized after posting that someone else had used the same quote. Great minds think alike apparently Edited August 15, 2012 by lovehurts82
Appleness Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I hope you stay strong and don't flip flop. It'll do lots of damage in the long run. Don't do this: to be honest, i have no intention of getting back with her.... then this: really struggling with my emotions... keep blaming myself... then snapping out and blaming her.... i want her back, thinking this time round we can make it work. then i realise, i alone cannot make it work, can i trust her to make it work!!! this is so hard This is someone with kids already and she behaves like this?! Don't just walk away, RUN! She needs to grow up!
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 I hope you stay strong and don't flip flop. It'll do lots of damage in the long run. Don't do this: then this: This is someone with kids already and she behaves like this?! Don't just walk away, RUN! She needs to grow up! i have stayed no contact, all tho it is very difficult, i feel it is the only way forward now. i don't believe there is any going back (even tho a little part of me wants to) but i deserve some stability in a relationship & with her, the long term future looks very bleak & i just do not trust her anymore!
Author soulforge2010 Posted August 18, 2012 Author Posted August 18, 2012 "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." -Benjamin Franklin Yes.. you would be "insane" to take this woman back. You've done the same thing three times now and you've always gotten the same results. She strings you along for a little while, then finds a reason to dump you. Leave her alone. Don't text her. Don't call her. Delete her e-mails. Block all her contact infos so you won't know if she DOES try and contact you. Also, in the future, I would say not to try and deal with things in texts. Anyone can read anything in a text and get a completely different message from it. I would have given up on the text arguing and just called her rather than leaving things go for 6 hrs. Hang in there! Stay strong! You're worth more than to be strung along like a puppet on a string. Be a man and stand up for yourself. Quit running back to her, as obviously she doesn't care what you go through when she pulls these stunts. As it says in the above quote, your likely outcome if you get back together with her again is the same as it's always been. She'll use you to fill a need for a while, then leave you on the curb as she's always done. Edit: I just realized after posting that someone else had used the same quote. Great minds think alike apparently thank you for your support... i must point out, the reason why i did not call her was, because she was bombarding me with silly accusations by text & totally over reacting to our silly fall out... if i had called her, i am pretty certain it would have lead to an argument over the phone... i just thought it would be best to maybe let the situation to cool down a little, then text her later when i,m not so angry & upset.
biogirl05 Posted August 18, 2012 Posted August 18, 2012 good for you, soulforge, i'm glad you are staying strong. delete her emails in future, it seems to me she is trying to manipulate your emotions, consciously or unconsciously. she is no good for you but you are a guy who has a lot of love, trust and devotion to give and you deserve to give it to someone who will return it in kind.
Recommended Posts