Always_Forward Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 It seems I have found myself dealing with being a dumper and a dumpee at the same time. I'll try to explain and see if anyone else has ever been through something similar. The ex-GF and I had dated about 10 months, with the last 3 or 4 of them completely unhealthy and unbearable for both of us. A lot of fights, a lot of mistrust, and numerous on-again-off-again breakups. It seemed like we were in this cycle of breaking up, then trying to make it work, then taking a week to cool off, then trying to hang out, only to find out none of it worked. We tried almost anything and for most of the relationship I was the one pushing for us to keep fighting through it and to give "us" a fair shot. Finally after she come clean with a few lies she had told me during the relationship I decide that I just cant trust the things she tells me right now and that we just need to end things for good. Sure enough 2 weeks later she's at my door with a letter talking about everything that we have done wrong, how she wants to fix it, and trying to rationalize why she made the mistakes she did. Unfortunately it came at a time when I really just needed my own space and honestly I couldn't really trust the things the letter said anyway since she had broken my trust and we haven't been able to rebuild it yet. So I ended the cycle and we went NC. Fast forward about 4 weeks and Im starting to get over her and feel better about everything (Yes, breakups are hard on the dumper too) and started to regain my confidence in the dating arena. I was never looking to find something serious since I knew I was still healing from my BU and figured anything right now would just be a rebound anyways. Funny thing is, when you arent looking for someone is when you seem to find them. I met a girl out one night and we started hitting it off. We took things slow and with our work schedules it was often hard to meet up more than 1 or 2 times a week anyways but it was nice to feel wanted and have someone to chat with and learn about someone new. We started being exclusive about 5-6 weeks into it and things were going great. She was honest and open about everything and made me realize that this is the type of relationship I want, not the kind with my ex. So after just a week of being exclusive (which was her idea) she tells me that she got a call from her most recent ex and that they talked for awhile and he sounded "the most mature I have ever heard him sound". Obviously it raised a red flag in my head and sure enough after a week of her being distant she reveals that she still has strong feelings for him and that she's going to give him another chance. I've come to accept the fact that she has made her decision and we haven't spoken since she broke the news to me a month ago, but I still find myself thinking about her and wanting to know how she's doing. At the same time now that I'm not as distracted with the new girl, I'm finding my mind also drifts off to the original ex and picking up the healing process where I left it before meeting someone new. So I guess what I'm posting about is to see if anyone has ever dealt with 2 breakup at the same time and also to hear opinions on why people decide to get back with their ex even if they have something good going with a new person. Thoughts? Comments? Rants? ---All are welcome.
rach24680 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Well I've never had 2 break ups at once, but about people getting back with their ex's - you said yourself you're finding yourself thinking about your original ex while trying to heal from the later breakup. Maybe this girl through getting to know you and having a great time, hears from her ex, and all that she thinks of now (after having fun with you) is of the fun times she had with her ex. Ex's are ex's for a reason and personally I don't think you should get back with an ex after a substantial amount of time has been passed, but people who were dating have a strong connection to one another and sometimes it's too hard to resist, or maybe sometimes too easy to get back when you can't find anyone else. My suggestion, stay single for a while!
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