Skalabanan Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Hi All, It's been a turbulent fortnight. It's been just over 7 weeks since I broke up with my GF of 4 and a 1/4 years, as some of you would be aware I ended the relationship but that was because she couldn't make a decision on us and wanted me hanging on a rope. Last Saturday out of the blue she asked if I fancied doing anything for the day with her, I didn't want to appear to available but I actually had no plans and meeting her off the cuff seemed better than something that would be planned and would stress me out for days. We ended up spending all of Saturday together and had a really awesome day together, lots of laughter, very comfortable with each other and we ended the day with a passionate kiss. I was keeping my hopes very low as I knew deep down it was too soon for much to have changed. Her level of contact really picked up, she contacted me when she got home that Saturday night and then she was following up the contact on Sunday/Monday. Monday evening she suggests I come around to spend the night at her place and maybe get a takeaway and chill out, I thought she meant at some point in the future but she meant Wednesday (two days later), I was eager to go as I felt like we were making some good progress. All my friends and family told me not to go but I was head strung and felt compelled to see how it would pan out. Wednesday rolls around and I meet her after work, first off the conversations seemed very hard this time around, she wasn't making much effort and I felt like I really had to make real effort to get the ball rolling. The night is going okay and we share another batch of passionate kisses, I FOOLISHLY made the huge mistake of telling her I still have feelings for her and she smiles but doesn't replicate the feelings. At this point I instantly pulled myself away and regret the approach I had made and instantly wish I hadn't placed my heart on the line again. We end up going to bed and I confront her on the situation and asked where are we at now. She tells me that she is still confused about us, a lot of fears and confusion she had straight after break up have been alleviated but there's still some niggling issues. She says if she is to enter us giving it another go she wants to be 100% sure about us because she can't go through this level of hurt again further down the line. I explained that I felt us giving it another go would be a completely new start and we couldn't base our future on what had happened in the past, she agreed but still wanted more reassurances that we could make it work. I asked why she wanted to met up with me and she said she wanted to see if the spark was still there and the feelings, she said they were still there. We end the conversation and she nods off to sleep and I'm left sat there awake all night with the realisation that I'd put my heart on the line again and she still isn't sure. She texts me the next day saying "sorry if yesterday was a bit of a mind ****, I just miss you so much and I love spending time with you" I replied letting her know that I didn't feel that was the case since she was so awkward in the conversations and she replied "Of course I love you around but I was so nervous" Me - It's just me, you've known me long enough, I won't bite. What was you nervous about Her - I wasn't sure what would happen and how I would feel about it all! Plus whether I'd have the strength to turn you down, after 2 months its tough to say no. Me - Ok fair enough, maybe I should back up so you don't need to make these decisions. Her (no reply for a good 4 hours) - I literally don't think I've ever cried this much. Me - What's making you so upset if you don't mind me asking. Her - I know I love you, I always have and I always will, but the last two months have been hell and I'm not sure I could go through it again if it didn't work out, it hurt that bad. Me - It's been the worst time of my life too, but if you'd want another go you'd have to trust me/us again. Her - I know, I just feel like you resent me a bit. Me - Couldn't be further from the truth for me our past relationship is done, I just want to look forward now, lifes too short. Her - Yeah, don't get me wrong I love the way we were but fundamental bit needed to change, I'm just scared. Me - A lot needed to change, lets not beat around the bush, some of the changes were major aspects to our relationship as well but it was all fixable. I wouldn't put my heart on the line If I knew I would go through all this hurt again but I'm willing to take that risk. Hopefully one day you could take that risk but If not I respect your decision. Her - I hope I can take that risk Conversation over, where do I go from here. She's acting like she got dumped! There's tons of more mini aspects but they are the main crux. Any advice on how I move forward from here would be much appreciated. Part of me feels I just need to go on with my life and get on with things.
TG1 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I think deep down she is afraid of getting back with you because she thinks that it will all go to hell again but also scared that you might break up with her again and move on to someone else better, could be scared of losing you altogether, I don't really know or maybe she has a back-up plan and sees you as a fall-back, I don't know, either way you should find out just how she's feeling
Author Skalabanan Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 I've tried my best to get answers but only get so far. All I know is all her "friends" (shes known them a matter of months) say she should be single but here she is 2 months later crying over us and initiating meet ups to see what she feels about me. I think it's high time I accept she won't ever decide she wants me back and that can always be her regret, because I know I can move on and better myself safe in the knowledge I tried it all to give us a second chance. If I finally accept it's over without her keeping me in reach then whatever she decides to do won't hurt me as much.
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