Feeorin Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 First time poster needing your opinions... When my ex split last year June, he found a few new girl buddies. One became his FB. Ok, all fine... When we got back together - he told his FB that they were over. It took 3 mnths to remove her number. This caused a few issues (ie not respecting my request, in his defense he said he didnt think it was a big issue) But its done now... So he has this 52 year old woman friend - they meet for coffee, chat often on whatsapp, he helps her fix **** etc... They have probably known each other for 10/11 months. She's married but has now, in the last two month moved out of her home and is proceeding with a divorce. They were married for 15/20 years... Now my OH spends Mondays, Wednesdays and sometimes Fridays with her "jogging" in the estate and then spends the rest of the evening at her place till late. I assume eating dinner and watching the Olympics. **** knows. I dont know how late he gets home cos we dont live together but probably after 10pm... Hes 37 years old btw. He tells me she is like a "second mother" to him... She does know about me, however when she messages him to ask why hes so quiet, he tells her hes with his daughter - even though I am there too? Then when i confront him about this he says she doesnt have to know everything - but yet they happily discuss my past with each other... ? I dont mind this woman at all - but I never hear from him when they are together. Sometimes I dont even know if hes there cos he doesnt tell me. I just have to guess that its now Mon/Wed/Fri, I wont be hearing from him at all... I guess if the tables were reversed and I was "jogging" with a 52 year old male - he'd throw a hissy fit... Cos apparently "men are different" - his words. Any reasons to be concerned? Or am I being silly?
AZnewbie Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I'd be concerned. Yes, men generally don't share every detail about their relationships, platonic or otherwise, but A) he's quieter than usual when messaging her when you are there B) he doesn't admit you are there C) she's recently (coincidentally, not likely) decided to divorce & is likely feeling vulnerable especially as an older female and receiving sexual attention from a younger man would likely be more than welcome, and D) (the biggest red flag IMHO) he spends 3 nights a week with her regularly (not just jogging then going home to shower). If he weren't getting something out of their relationship beyond good conversation/tv watching partner, he wouldn't spend so much time with her. My husband has NEVER (even when first dating) spent that much consistant time with any friend or family member (you mentioned she was a "mother figure") male/female. He did/does, however, spend that much time with me when we were dating & he was trying to get more "personal" attention back then and now to ensure he still receives an adequate amount of "personal attention" after 14 yrs of marriage. I know men usually don't respond well to being interrogated, but if there was nothing to hide, he'd probably invite you along a time or two to prove it, but even then, the quantity of time is enough to convince me that it's not a platonic relationship. Good luck
Author Feeorin Posted August 13, 2012 Author Posted August 13, 2012 Hmm ye... I spoke to him about it. He says its purely platonic and that I have no reason to be worried... Then we split up over other things. I guess im just tired of holding the fort and tending to the kids while his life is free. He also cant tell me if i make him happy, or what he wants from this relationship or even if he wants to be here. I know he has childhood issues but some assurance would be good right? Weve been together 5 years... ?? Its also so difficult to go NC cos he sees his child twice a week. Sigh...
BetrayedH Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 His behavior is straight out of the cheater's handbook. Break free. Sorry to hear you're going thru this. It sucks but it's clearly about him.
Stillgrowing Posted August 16, 2012 Posted August 16, 2012 I'd be mildly concerned, but would need to know more about his relationship with his mom. Does he need a Mom figure in his life? I have two girlfriends who are in their 40's who gravitate to my Mom because they have crazy Moms and mine is easy to talk to. The one thing that stands out is that he omitted that you were there. That's really the one flag I see. The rest could be legit. sg 1
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