rdb Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) Sup everyone. Me and my ex have been done since November 2011. We were the typical young high school-to-different-college couple that was on the first love "we'll beat the odds" type relationship until she ended things. She claimed she no longer loved me and didnt want to be in a relationship anymore. It was an ugly breakup and I had a lot going on in my personal life (bad situation at the school I was attending, the deteriorating health of my cousin who was only 6 days older than me, and constantly feeling like I was out of options on improving it) but her deciding to leave was the cherry on top. I also had resorted to drinking as a way to try and numb things but that probably made it worse. It overwhelmed me to the point of seriously contemplating suicide because I had no idea how to fix any of it. We were 'best friends' also, but around October 2011 I stopped feeling like she really cared (because as it turned out, she didn't), so I never let her in on my issues until the night of the breakup. After a prolonged period of post-breakup confusion, I eventually deleted her on facebook in January. She tried to get back at me by blocking me. Fast forward to August 10, 2012 aka present day. I have finished therapy for my depression and feel about as normal as I ever could. Unfortunately, my cousin left us in April. I grieved the loss without alcohol and dont drink much at all, but when I do it isnt to numb pain anymore. I have a part time job I like and a volunteer job I love. I maintain a B average at the community college I transferred to, inducted into their leadership society, and will be graduating in the spring of 2013. I've been casually dating around and so far not much luck in finding someone who has what I'm looking for or vice-versa. I forgave her long ago, although to be completely honest I still do harbor some strong feelings of both dislike and love at the same time whenever someone else brings her name up, which rarely happens. But usually she is out of my mind. Until tonight. I was on facebook and saw the only person who liked one of my friend's statuses was her. I don't know how long she's unblocked me for, although with my privacy settings she cant see much of anything. This happened about 30 minutes prior to me writing this post. I thought of a few possible solutions. I want opinions on which should be my next step: 1. Send her an inbox message giving her a brief update on my life, telling her no hard feelings, then either block her or leave it be. 2. Block her - If she ever searches me again, it would show her I knew what she was doing but don't exchange the sentiment. 3. Nothing -I just hate that she has the ability to pry into my life on and off and that she obviously was thinking about me. 4. Open to other suggestions. Thanks everyone! Edited August 10, 2012 by rdb added a detail about my cousin.
big bear Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 No.3 all the way. I did no.1 so many times. Whenever she used to call and all that. Came to a point where I think I am a back up or just an ego boost. Believe me, you do not want that. 2
Author rdb Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 No.3 all the way. I did no.1 so many times. Whenever she used to call and all that. Came to a point where I think I am a back up or just an ego boost. Believe me, you do not want that. Yeah that makes sense. Now that you've said that, I actually thought about how pathetic that would probably make me look. It's about 3 am where I am, so please excuse my lack of clear thinking. Although if anyone has any general advice/inferences about me to give me after reading my OP, I'd like to here it. I always appreciate polite or blunt honesty as long as it is the truth.
goodbyesunshine Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 No 1 is clearly the worst thing to do. Don't attract drama into your life, it sounds relatively calm and peaceful now, and that is great! If her name showing up on your feed affects you, go ahead and block her. If not, do nothing. No reason to initiate contact now. I just broke NC knowing in a small corner of my heart that nothing good will come out of it. I was right. Stay in NC if moving on is your goal! 2
PoppyLove89 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Well my ex blocked me as soon as he went 'official' with his new squeeze, despite the fact that I was the one to delete him from my friends' list 2 weeks after we split anyway - presumably because he didn't want me to see it (we'd only been broken up 2 months). Anyways, in May I was finally ready for a brand new start - I deleted my old account and made a new one; leaving all old wall-posts, comments, friends (who I no longer spoke to) and all traces of him behind. And you know what else? I blocked him! It felt amazing. Not only was I taking back control...but I was also showing him that he needn't be so conceited in thinking that I'm desperate to see what he's up to! Best decision I've made in a long, long time!!! Will I ever unblock him? Naaaaa 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Number 2. oh, and number 2, too. I'd number 2. By the way, number 2 looks best. Go for number 2. Did I say number 2? Good, I meant, number 2. Get it? Got it? Good. 1
Chi townD Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I wouldn't worry about it. Just continue your life as normal. Besides, you stated that she can't really see too much of your wall due to the setting you have on there. You're reading too much into this. Just continue going forward in your life. 1
KathyM Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Block her. Your relationship is over. You don't need to see what she is up to, and you don't need to have her viewing your activities on there either. No good can come from that. 1
Author rdb Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Thanks everyone. I think I am going to do nothing for now. However, I promise that I would rather block her than visit her page anymore. I feel it'd be petty for me to take the step without a better reason then what she's given me now. It was just weird seeing her name in my newsfeed after the way things went down between us.
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