Author kourix Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 thanks for all the replies, this is what i've learned from the replies, correct me if i'm wrong: 1) how you act at first sets the tone for the future: eg. if girl is constantly asking guy out, guy gets lazy, and may lose interest. and this may result in girl chasing guy for the rest of the rs. as much as men say they appreciate a girl asking them out, this should only happen once in awhile, maybe one in 3-5times. also, as a girl, you want to feel wanted and chased, you do not want to keep pursuing the guy. anyway, if a guy is into you, he will ask you out, no excuses. 2) match your date's level of interest: if girl likes texting daily, and boy does too, great! however, if girl is used to that, but new boy does not have a habit of doing that, girl could either a) get used to it and respect the differences, b) decide this isn't going to fly and either let him know subtly or move on. if girl decides this isn't worth it, move on. know your limits, what you'll accept and what you won't. 3) Show a guy interest and treat him well, but don't make your world revolve around him. i definitely need practice with this. i get way too into it too early… and i start wanting to include him in most of my plans. i hope i haven't left anything out. right now, i have two trains of thoughts. there's this guy i'm kinda interested in; so i think i will probably try to set the tone and match his level of interest for awhile, and see how it goes. but after a certain period of time, how do i approach the situation if i wanna know where something is going with a guy? i know what i want. i am not into casual dating. i want to be in a healthy relationship. i can't date multiple guys at once unless i'm not interested in any of them. so do i A) ask him directly and lay all the cards on the table, something along the lines of: "i like you and i want to date exclusively and if that's what you want with me, great. otherwise, i don't think we should see each other anymore." < these won't be the exact words of course! but it's the gist of what i want to put through. i'm not trying to give him an ultimatum at all, i just don't want to waste my time any longer in something that doesn't seem to have a "goal". if someone wants you, there shouldn't be hesitation in dating exclusively, right? i know guys hate "the talk". perhaps this might freak him out and cause him to turn tail and run... or B) am i supposed to "play hard to get" and be cool and distant until HE brings up the subject? that seems to require a type of patience i simply do not have.
highgatesplendour Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 so do i A) ask him directly and lay all the cards on the table, something along the lines of: "i like you and i want to date exclusively and if that's what you want with me, great. otherwise, i don't think we should see each other anymore." < these won't be the exact words of course! but it's the gist of what i want to put through. i'm not trying to give him an ultimatum at all, i just don't want to waste my time any longer in something that doesn't seem to have a "goal". if someone wants you, there shouldn't be hesitation in dating exclusively, right? i know guys hate "the talk". perhaps this might freak him out and cause him to turn tail and run... or B) am i supposed to "play hard to get" and be cool and distant until HE brings up the subject? that seems to require a type of patience i simply do not have. I am not sure, but I am fairly sure to have lost one or two connections that had some potential through excessive attempts at mystery and beguilement - on both sides. If you set a chase, sooner or later the chase must end and all things, as they really are, will be known. Not setting a chase gets you there sooner. So the question is, are you there for the chase or the catch?
Author kourix Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 I am not sure, but I am fairly sure to have lost one or two connections that had some potential through excessive attempts at mystery and beguilement - on both sides. If you set a chase, sooner or later the chase must end and all things, as they really are, will be known. Not setting a chase gets you there sooner. So the question is, are you there for the chase or the catch? definitely the catch, but it's been proven time and again that guys back off when girls want to have "the talk"... how am i supposed to "know" when to ask without scaring him off?
highgatesplendour Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 definitely the catch, but it's been proven time and again that guys back off when girls want to have "the talk"... how am i supposed to "know" when to ask without scaring him off? Intuition? I don't see what else we have in these situations. My experience probably doesn't speak to yours, but I'm glad of 'the talk', if it comes up - either I can say that it's a bit early to have it (not a problem), or I don't think it's too early, and I'm glad of it. Of course, that won't necessarily work for anyone else...
The Way I Am Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 definitely the catch, but it's been proven time and again that guys back off when girls want to have "the talk"... how am i supposed to "know" when to ask without scaring him off? You don't have "the talk". My personal opinion is that if you ever feel like you need to have "the talk", that answer is probably going to be either "no" or "I'm not sure" (translation: "no, but I want to keep having sex with you"). That's why weeding out the undesirables up front is important. When you find out a guy's plans and relationship intentions up front before you get physical with him, you weed out the guys who are going to string you along for years. You keep the guys who are interested in pursuing a monogamous relationship. Those are usually the guys who'll introduce you to their friends and family as their girlfriend before you've ever needed to "talk".
Recommended Posts