I was a classic rebound. Terrible feeling

[SoulSearcher22]

I went to the beach a few weekends ago with a few of my buds. I come back Sunday afternoon and check my facebook for the first time in 3 days. My girl of 5 months (I know, not that long) unfriended me. So i called her and there was no answer. I texted her with no answer....sent facebook messages with no answer. I figured she'd contact me eventually to tell me whats up. 3 weeks and 3 days later, which is today, she still hasn't contact me. I found out through facebook and she just cold turket stopped talking to me.

 

Prior to the beach trip, we had been on some weird terms. Her ex boyfriend left our state for job in a few states over. He called her a few weeks beforehand and broke down and told her he still loved her and that he wanted her to move with him. She tells me all this and assures me that there is nothing there and that she's not even considering it, but she's still upset that he's leaving. They dated for 3 years and I guess she still cared for him in some sense. More than I ever knew apparently.

 

Not even a week before that call, she was talking to me about our future together, saying she was excited to see how we progress our relationship. She even talked about moving in with me soon. Everything was relatively normal up until that Sunday I came home from the beach. I'm still a little in shock that she hasn't even TEXTED or MESSAGED me to tell me. It's insane. I cannot wrap my mind around it. Very cowardly. I miss the hell out of her and think about all of our amazing moments we had together but I usually end up thinking about what she did to me and it just turns to resentment.

 

Looking back, I can see I was the rebound. I even called her out on it after her ex contacted her. I asked her if I was going to just end up her rebound guy and she got a little offended which I thought reassured me that I wasn't. She moved our relationship very fast it seemed like. I would almost say she was infatuated with me which then made me infatuated with her. We scheduled our classes around the same time and place (which they still are), we both invested a lot of time and money into each other, she had a lot of vacations planned out for us such as cruises and beach trips. We moved really quick it seemed like but at the time I was ok with it.

 

Then, here I am. 3 weeks after my beach trip with my friends, still thinking about her and missing her. It's not terrible, just feels like a small hole. The first week after, I texted and called her quite a bit. Then some friends finally made me realize that she probably won't ever contact me again. Haven't attempted to contact her after that first week.

 

Again...just insane that a person could literally just stop contacting someone they have been seeing for 5 months in a great relationship cold turkey.

 

Any females wanna explain?

[Xestenz]

I'm not a female, but I did have an almost identical experience to yours. Five month relationship, she moved things fast, deep infatuation, she led the dance, met her kids, helped her dad with his business, and then right when things got even remotely 'serious' she was gone -- just like that.

 

And this after she said that 'she had never had a connection like this before' and 'no one touched her like that before', and that she loved me.

 

It's been two months now and have not heard from her since she broke up with me by text. Fun! I'm getting better but seriously it's been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced.

 

People, if your significant other is 2 years or less out of a long long relationship and still always talks about or complains about their ex, run run run for the hills before your heart gets entangled.

[It's Just Me]

People, if your significant other is 2 years or less out of a long long relationship and still always talks about or complains about their ex, run run run for the hills before your heart gets entangled.

 

Oh, hell yeah. BINGO!

[SoulSearcher22]

I'm not a female, but I did have an almost identical experience to yours. Five month relationship, she moved things fast, deep infatuation, she led the dance, met her kids, helped her dad with his business, and then right when things got even remotely 'serious' she was gone -- just like that.

 

And this after she said that 'she had never had a connection like this before' and 'no one touched her like that before', and that she loved me.

 

It's been two months now and have not heard from her since she broke up with me by text. Fun! I'm getting better but seriously it's been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced.

 

People, if your significant other is 2 years or less out of a long long relationship and still always talks about or complains about their ex, run run run for the hills before your heart gets entangled.

 

dang man, that is almost identical. atleast she texted you though.

[Xestenz]

Text was cowardly enough -- I'm so sorry that she never even contacted you. That is tough man! You know you deserve so much better than this, as do I.

 

Good news is after two months it has gotten much much better. I think of her now more for what she is -- a confused and somewhat troubled user who will continue to have to live with the poor decisions she makes.

[SoulSearcher22]

i just can't believe she didn't say ANYTHING to me and still hasn't it's been 3 weeks....it's amazing. Another couple weeks and i'll be good. but it was extremely hard the first week. my goodness.

[Wake_Me_Up]

Amazing reading your thread and other guys ones. I was dumped recently after a four month very very intense relationship. She also had an ex of a few years and all the warning bells rang very loudly but I though I could play it cool, use her for sex and just make a friend out of it. Didn't turn out that way. She had my head wrapped around a future together filled with love and commitment. So laughable when I reflect. Been a couple weeks of NC now and I feel tons better. Never felt that low and.miserable ever.

 

But I must say this: My ex ex of 2 years who I dumped also came off a long term relationship. But reflecting on it I approached that situation sooo much better. When we were getting really close and all she did was talk about her ex I cut the friendship off and told her I can't be friends with you because you claim you really are falling for me and I feel for you yet all you do is complain about your ex. She respected that and I moved on. Months later after NC she to my surprised came begging back. At that point I was unsure if I was still a rebound so I flat out told her what was on my mind and she said yes you would have been months ago but not now. I made her wait another month while we slowly began talking then we dated for over two years. She became my closest friend and lover took me over a year to get over her but Looking back at it damn she must have really loved me.

[weallfalldown]

Amazing reading your thread and other guys ones. I was dumped recently after a four month very very intense relationship. She also had an ex of a few years and all the warning bells rang very loudly but I though I could play it cool, use her for sex and just make a friend out of it. Didn't turn out that way. She had my head wrapped around a future together filled with love and commitment. So laughable when I reflect. Been a couple weeks of NC now and I feel tons better. Never felt that low and.miserable ever.

 

But I must say this: My ex ex of 2 years who I dumped also came off a long term relationship. But reflecting on it I approached that situation sooo much better. When we were getting really close and all she did was talk about her ex I cut the friendship off and told her I can't be friends with you because you claim you really are falling for me and I feel for you yet all you do is complain about your ex. She respected that and I moved on. Months later after NC she to my surprised came begging back. At that point I was unsure if I was still a rebound so I flat out told her what was on my mind and she said yes you would have been months ago but not now. I made her wait another month while we slowly began talking then we dated for over two years. She became my closest friend and lover took me over a year to get over her but Looking back at it damn she must have really loved me.

 

took you a year to get over it?, but you dumped her?

[SoulSearcher22]

Anyone think she'll ever call and explain herself? She obviously knows what she did and is scared to talk to me.

[Xestenz]

I know why you're asking this, and believe that you will soon reach a point where you won't care if she does or not.

 

But I'm going to be honest about what I've learned about rebounds, and the cold truth seems to be that because she was never really available to you, the feelings that she 'thought' she had for you, or that you thought you guys shared, weren't real in the way they would be in a healthy relationship.

 

Because of this, it makes it much less likely that someone doing the rebound would look to contact the used person down the road.

 

I know this hurts, as I too want to believe that she felt what I thought she did, and that what we had was 'real'. I want her to realize at the very least that what she did was wrong. But it is ultimately healthier to plan on her never contacting you again, taking this hard pill, and moving forward with your life.

[mike588]

I went to the beach a few weekends ago with a few of my buds. I come back Sunday afternoon and check my facebook for the first time in 3 days. My girl of 5 months (I know, not that long) unfriended me. So i called her and there was no answer. I texted her with no answer....sent facebook messages with no answer. I figured she'd contact me eventually to tell me whats up. 3 weeks and 3 days later, which is today, she still hasn't contact me. I found out through facebook and she just cold turket stopped talking to me.

 

Prior to the beach trip, we had been on some weird terms. Her ex boyfriend left our state for job in a few states over. He called her a few weeks beforehand and broke down and told her he still loved her and that he wanted her to move with him. She tells me all this and assures me that there is nothing there and that she's not even considering it, but she's still upset that he's leaving. They dated for 3 years and I guess she still cared for him in some sense. More than I ever knew apparently.

 

Not even a week before that call, she was talking to me about our future together, saying she was excited to see how we progress our relationship. She even talked about moving in with me soon. Everything was relatively normal up until that Sunday I came home from the beach. I'm still a little in shock that she hasn't even TEXTED or MESSAGED me to tell me. It's insane. I cannot wrap my mind around it. Very cowardly. I miss the hell out of her and think about all of our amazing moments we had together but I usually end up thinking about what she did to me and it just turns to resentment.

 

Looking back, I can see I was the rebound. I even called her out on it after her ex contacted her. I asked her if I was going to just end up her rebound guy and she got a little offended which I thought reassured me that I wasn't. She moved our relationship very fast it seemed like. I would almost say she was infatuated with me which then made me infatuated with her. We scheduled our classes around the same time and place (which they still are), we both invested a lot of time and money into each other, she had a lot of vacations planned out for us such as cruises and beach trips. We moved really quick it seemed like but at the time I was ok with it.

 

Then, here I am. 3 weeks after my beach trip with my friends, still thinking about her and missing her. It's not terrible, just feels like a small hole. The first week after, I texted and called her quite a bit. Then some friends finally made me realize that she probably won't ever contact me again. Haven't attempted to contact her after that first week.

 

Again...just insane that a person could literally just stop contacting someone they have been seeing for 5 months in a great relationship cold turkey.

 

Any females wanna explain?

 

Sounds familiar.. I re-connected with an old friend from many years ago...she was just a month out of a relationship (red flag I ignored) and we started dating. I always like her "back in the day" but either she had a b/f or I had a g/f at the time/s I or she was single.

 

Anyway we hit it off and dated for a year. She told me a time or two that she still had feelings for her ex. (another red flag I ignored..stupid me) but she assured me MANY times it was over between them (he walked out on her)

 

Well he popped back in her life and she dumped me for him. I was a wreck..she told me she loved me...talked about a future together blah blah blah. I treated her sooo well and was told many times I was everything he wasn't...that I was fantastic!!!

 

It's been a year now since the "dumping" and I'm COMPLETELY over her and the b/u....it wasn't easy..the 1st few months well HELL!!

 

I went No Contact expecting to never hear from her again. 6 months later she contacts me several times telling me how sorry she was for hurting me..how she regrets it yack yack yack.

 

Bottom line I was her "emotional bandaid" after her breakup...someone to fill the void she felt in her life..someone that made her feel special etc. etc. etc. I knew she loved me but was still "In Love" with her ex. Big difference!

 

Best thing for you to do is to try to move on....take care of yourself...spoil yourself and don't wait for her or contact her in ANY way!!!

[SoulSearcher22]

Sounds familiar.. I re-connected with an old friend from many years ago...she was just a month out of a relationship (red flag I ignored) and we started dating. I always like her "back in the day" but either she had a b/f or I had a g/f at the time/s I or she was single.

 

Anyway we hit it off and dated for a year. She told me a time or two that she still had feelings for her ex. (another red flag I ignored..stupid me) but she assured me MANY times it was over between them (he walked out on her)

 

Well he popped back in her life and she dumped me for him. I was a wreck..she told me she loved me...talked about a future together blah blah blah. I treated her sooo well and was told many times I was everything he wasn't...that I was fantastic!!!

 

It's been a year now since the "dumping" and I'm COMPLETELY over her and the b/u....it wasn't easy..the 1st few months well HELL!!

 

I went No Contact expecting to never hear from her again. 6 months later she contacts me several times telling me how sorry she was for hurting me..how she regrets it yack yack yack.

 

Bottom line I was her "emotional bandaid" after her breakup...someone to fill the void she felt in her life..someone that made her feel special etc. etc. etc. I knew she loved me but was still "In Love" with her ex. Big difference!

 

Best thing for you to do is to try to move on....take care of yourself...spoil yourself and don't wait for her or contact her in ANY way!!!

 

Looking back...thats exactly what she did to me. I was her bandaid. She said all these things to me that made me believe we were going to be together for a long time. Our time together was great. We rarely fought and she was just a cool, down to earth girl. She always told me that I was her in male form and vice versa...and it made since. We were ALOT alike. Didn't matter though.

 

I miss her, but sometimes I don't even miss her romantically. Just...as a person. She was cool.

[mike588]

Looking back...thats exactly what she did to me. I was her bandaid. She said all these things to me that made me believe we were going to be together for a long time. Our time together was great. We rarely fought and she was just a cool, down to earth girl. She always told me that I was her in male form and vice versa...and it made since. We were ALOT alike. Didn't matter though.

 

I miss her, but sometimes I don't even miss her romantically. Just...as a person. She was cool.

 

Yep..know how you feel! My ex. was cool too....we got along sooooo great....talked about and laughfed about the 'good ol days". From the start it was great since we already knew each other from the past...it was so comfortable for the both of us.....we had ALOT in common too....I though I'd finally found "my girl"... boy was I wrong lol!

 

I tryed to figure it out over and over and over then got sick of trying to figure it out....again she was still in love with her ex...that's all that mattered to her!!

 

It's tough man I know but you will over it. I though I'd never recover from it but now I'm happy. Going N.C. was EXTREMELY difficult and I almost broke it a million times....So glad I didn't!!!!!!!!!

 

Take comfort knowing you did nothing wrong! I feel for you but know you'll be ok!

[Xestenz]

Looking back...thats exactly what she did to me. I was her bandaid. She said all these things to me that made me believe we were going to be together for a long time. Our time together was great. We rarely fought and she was just a cool, down to earth girl. She always told me that I was her in male form and vice versa...and it made since. We were ALOT alike. Didn't matter though.

 

I miss her, but sometimes I don't even miss her romantically. Just...as a person. She was cool.

 

Man, we ought to start a 'rebound' support group, our situations are all so similar.

 

My ex constantly said things about us being 'soulmates', that 'she's never had a connection like this before', and that soon 'we would be living together so we could be together all the time'. Too funny in retrospect!

 

We never fought once, which I found remarkable. This is like a bad dream for us, right? I hope she is happy!

 

One thing I learned in researching rebounds is a phenomena called 'future faking' which is apparently very common from rebounding people. They will talk about a future together, make plans for the coming months, start to intertwine their lives, and then before any of that can happen they are gone. It's like they are desperate to fast forward to a 'normal' situation away from the ex.

 

I think we all experienced that here.

[SoulSearcher22]

Man, we ought to start a 'rebound' support group, our situations are all so similar.

 

My ex constantly said things about us being 'soulmates', that 'she's never had a connection like this before', and that soon 'we would be living together so we could be together all the time'. Too funny in retrospect!

 

We never fought once, which I found remarkable. This is like a bad dream for us, right? I hope she is happy!

 

One thing I learned in researching rebounds is a phenomena called 'future faking' which is apparently very common from rebounding people. They will talk about a future together, make plans for the coming months, start to intertwine their lives, and then before any of that can happen they are gone. It's like they are desperate to fast forward to a 'normal' situation away from the ex.

 

I think we all experienced that here.

 

 

That actually makes a lot of sense and kind of explains the rebounding behavior. She was with her ex for 3 years. Thats alot of time and emotion invested into a relationship. I'm sure the rebounding person doesn't feel like taking the time to build all the way back up to where her and her ex left off. So, they rush the next one until the ex is ready for them back. Sad that people do that to other people.

 

And like you said, it almost is funny looking back now how easily I ate up what she was feeding me. But I wanted her so bad and ignored those "red flags" as a previous poster put it.

[SoulSearcher22]

That actually makes a lot of sense and kind of explains the rebounding behavior. She was with her ex for 3 years. Thats alot of time and emotion invested into a relationship. I'm sure the rebounding person doesn't feel like taking the time to build all the way back up to where her and her ex left off. So, they rush the next one until the ex is ready for them back. Sad that people do that to other people.

 

And like you said, it almost is funny looking back now how easily I ate up what she was feeding me. But I wanted her so bad and ignored those "red flags" as a previous poster put it.

 

 

Wow, just read an article on future faking. It's like someone knew me and my ex and wrote an article about us. I'm glad I am going through this. I'll definitely be much more aware next time.

[mike588]

That actually makes a lot of sense and kind of explains the rebounding behavior. She was with her ex for 3 years. Thats alot of time and emotion invested into a relationship. I'm sure the rebounding person doesn't feel like taking the time to build all the way back up to where her and her ex left off. So, they rush the next one until the ex is ready for them back. Sad that people do that to other people.

 

And like you said, it almost is funny looking back now how easily I ate up what she was feeding me. But I wanted her so bad and ignored those "red flags" as a previous poster put it.

 

Yeah wish I would have know all this before I gave her my heart. I too was sooo convinced that she wanted a life with me. I was also blown away when she dumped me after telling me all that 'lovey dovey" stuff.

 

What really hurt me was that 2 weeks before she dumped me she had some surgery done... I took her to the Dr. held her hand in the recovery room..took her home and waited on her hand and foot till she got better... 3 days after she was back on her feet she said see ya..I'm getting back with my ex.. OUCH!!!!

[SoulSearcher22]

Yeah wish I would have know all this before I gave her my heart. I too was sooo convinced that she wanted a life with me. I was also blown away when she dumped me after telling me all that 'lovey dovey" stuff.

 

What really hurt me was that 2 weeks before she dumped me she had some surgery done... I took her to the Dr. held her hand in the recovery room..took her home and waited on her hand and foot till she got better... 3 days after she was back on her feet she said see ya..I'm getting back with my ex.. OUCH!!!!

 

Dang man. THAT is rough. WOW women can be heartless.

The weekend before my beach trip with my friends, she went to Orlando for a convention that her job sent her on. She sent me pictures and stuff of her trip. One picture and caption that really hurt to see after she left was one of the pool of the hotel she stayed at. Under the picture she said something like.."I want one of these in OUR backyard baby!!!" Pisses me off, haha

[mike588]

Dang man. THAT is rough. WOW women can be heartless.

The weekend before my beach trip with my friends, she went to Orlando for a convention that her job sent her on. She sent me pictures and stuff of her trip. One picture and caption that really hurt to see after she left was one of the pool of the hotel she stayed at. Under the picture she said something like.."I want one of these in OUR backyard baby!!!" Pisses me off, haha

 

Yeah that hurt like hell!! Guess that's why she contacted me 6 months later. She knew what she did was cold and cruel and it must have bothered her alot for her to contact me (emails)...she probably wanted to get it off her chest.

 

When she did contact me I was pretty much over her but it did set me back a step or two... I didn't know what she wanted.. did she want to try it again with me? I didn't know.

 

After 2 days I foolishly replyed (email) and reminded her of how much she hurt me and the surgery thing. After that I haven't heard a peep from her and don't want to!! Don't know if they are still together ( they brokeup twice before) and don't care!!!

 

She can go F herself!!!