ggjones Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I'm feeling very down. I have spent a long time waiting for someone to want to be a part of my life that didn't really feel the same way. He most likely "tolerated" me more than anything else, and I feel embarrassed. What makes it worse, when I finally asked, he said he wanted to be friends with me even though he has not made much effort to initiate conversations, outings, etc. - all the things a friend might do. All the things I did, and when he did bother to reply or respond I saw it as a positive sign instead of what it most likely was - politeness, and probably feeling sorry for me. We don't run in the same circles either, so we don't run into each other often unless we choose to get together. Given this, I feel like I must not make a good friend. He didn't want to be my friend. I don't have many, so maybe I put too much effort into it. I always felt like a bother, and maybe I felt that way for a reason. I feel like I am trying to figure out how to make friends as an adult, and not doing a very good job. It feels hard, and this makes me question myself instead of feel confident. I guess I don't have any questions or anything, I just needed to vent.
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 I know that feeling. I don't see many of my acquaintances as friends. That may be why I started coming here. If you meet a person you'd want to be friends with, I suggest you make all the necessary efforts. You seem to be looking for a partner also. I would suggest you figure what you need most first. Personally, I don't believe in male-female friendship that much. Try and express your thoughts to people in real life.
NoMagicBullet Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Some guys don't have female friends. Maybe he decided that if he wasn't interested in dating (or sleeping with) you, there was no need to be in contact. But it sounds like there was an unspoken desire for something romantic that wasn't going to happen -- so maybe he didn't want to lead you on? It doesn't necessarily reflect on you as a friend if this specific person didn't want that. But I am concerned that you feel like you are a bother -- I've felt that way myself in the past, and in "not bothering" people, I think I missed out on further developing some friendships. In this case, you made an effort, but the other person didn't step up and meet your effort. At least you can say you tried. Yeah, making friends as an adult is difficult, and there is a learning curve that never seems to end. Try not to let it get you down -- keep meeting new people and keep trying to make friends. 2
Forever Learning Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Yeah, making friends as an adult is difficult, and there is a learning curve that never seems to end. Try not to let it get you down -- keep meeting new people and keep trying to make friends. Yes, the learning curve never ends. Just keep getting out and being social, and keep a positive attitude. Friendships will happen.
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