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Is my ex a pervert and how do I regain some dignity after humiliating myself

Squidoo

By Squidoo
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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Is my ex a pervert and how do I get over him after humiliating myself?

I split from my ex 10 weeks ago, we dated for 9 months but prior to this we we're friends with benefits for 3 years. it was my doing to finish the relationship but regretted it immediately. I apologized but he didn't want to know. I let him be & he did contact me every so many days via text, I played it cool until he wanted me to go to his for a coffee. He was making comments about how my sexual drive was & I guessed what he was after & said I didn't want to be a part of that...... But stupidly I did and ended up having sex. He said he wanted to go back to fwb, but I said it was unfair on me, & he couldn't have his cake and eat it.

 

Fast forward to 2 nights ago, i had been speaking to him via text & he was being suggestive & I was playing along a little. I did meet up with him & we did have sex, but he was different, he was quite aggressive, he slapped my backside so hard i have a hand bruise there. He also urinated on me & then when i went to give him a bj he urinated in my mouth... I was so shocked! But then he told me some things that surprised me, he told me he has been wanking in public and getting a big thrill from it and that he also wants to go dogging and do golden showers more. He seems quite perverse all of a sudden and not the person I've known in the past. I have missed him and was wanting to go back to fwb, but yesterday he said that we should just be friends & that he thinks I need more but doesn't want to burn his bridges. I am being over sensitive or is this guy perverse? But what worries me more is has he just started being like this or has he always been like it? I also feel so humiliated after saying I wanted to go back to fwb and he has said no. Opinions would be appreciated .

 

Oh he also says he wants full reports on any of my sexual events!

weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

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Rofl.................sounds like a dirty novel....haha.

 

Up to you....but wanking in public's abit ott.....you'll end up getting arrested if ya don't watch out....

 

couple caught in public performing sexual acts..lol......

 

well i'm no angel when it comes to sex, and i have a few naughty fantasies etc

 

but it all depends on how you want to be treated!!

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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Oh he doesn't mean wanking with me, he's been doing on his own in public places!

weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

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how old are ya?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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This guy is using you for sex and whatever else he wants. He does not want you or respect you. Smarten up and leave this pervert along. How old are you anyway?

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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I'm 37 he's 41, the annoying is I don't even love him it's the rejection thing more than anything.

big bear Established Member

big bear

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OMG..

And I used to think I am weird..

 

Well I have never said NC or this and that to anyone.. I feel I am not that mature to give relationship advice..

 

But for once NC.. Hard Cold NC..

weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

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I'm 37 he's 41, the annoying is I don't even love him it's the rejection thing more than anything.

 

i don't see why your so upset then, if there's no love?....you in the uk or us?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I'm 37 he's 41, the annoying is I don't even love him it's the rejection thing more than anything.

 

OMG! Why would you let him do this stuff to you??? I thought from your first post you were something like 19.

YorickBrown Established Member

YorickBrown

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i don't see why your so upset then, if there's no love?....you in the uk or us?

 

Why?:confused: Do you also want a full report? :p

 

PS: btw, I want mine numbered and in chronological order ok?:laugh: spare no detail, I want a blow by blow account

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weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

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Why?:confused: Do you also want a full report? :p

 

PS: btw, I want mine numbered and in chronological order ok?:laugh: spare no detail, I want a blow by blow account

 

haha...golden boy ;)

fucpcg Established Member

fucpcg

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Whatever he is into is his business. You want a relationship, he doesn't. You know this, but you keep going back. He has different sexual tastes than you, but you keep going back. You keep in contact with him. Why? This has NOTHING to do with sexual perversion, it has to do with you continually going after a man that you say doesn't suit you. That is your own issue you need to fix. What he's like sexually has nothing to do with this.

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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I was in NC until he emailed me to wish me a Happy Birthday, he seems very up & down at the moment. One minute he wants fwb and then he doesn't and then we slept together and then he just want friends..... And then he wants me to let him know any sexual details I have with other men.... His messed up head has lead to mine being the same.

 

I'm in the U.K

weallfalldown Established Member

weallfalldown

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where in the uk lol....

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I was in NC until he emailed me to wish me a Happy Birthday, he seems very up & down at the moment. One minute he wants fwb and then he doesn't and then we slept together and then he just want friends..... And then he wants me to let him know any sexual details I have with other men.... His messed up head has lead to mine being the same.

 

I'm in the U.K

 

Why do you continue talking to him? Why do you care what he wants?

alexandria35 Established Member

alexandria35

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I was in NC until he emailed me to wish me a Happy Birthday, he seems very up & down at the moment. One minute he wants fwb and then he doesn't and then we slept together and then he just want friends..... And then he wants me to let him know any sexual details I have with other men.... His messed up head has lead to mine being the same.

 

I'm in the U.K

 

I don't think the real problem here is your ex or figuring out if he is perverted or not. I think the real problem is you and how your words don't match your actions. Nobody is ever going to take you seriously if you don't mean what you say. He asked you over for coffee, you guessed that he wanted you to come over for sex and you told him that you didn't want to be part of that. Then you went over there and had sex with him. Then he told you that he wanted to go back to being fwb's and you said you didn't want that and then you had sex with him again. Your words are a joke. If you want to regain your dignitiy start by saying what you mean and meaning what you say or else nobody will ever respect you or anything you say.

 

About the golden showers thing, not my cup of tea but I think there are quite a few people who are into it so it's not that far out in left field. Your recounting of this experience is very confusing. You say he slapped you hard enough to leave a bruise, then he urinated on you and then when you gave him a bj he urinated in your mouth. I think he's a pig for doing these things without discussing it with you first, but on the other hand I don't understand why you never stopped at any point while this was going on. If some guy took a piss on me during sex and I didn't like it then I sure as hell wouldn't be giving him a bj right afterwards. The fact that you never said anything probably led him to believe that you were enjoying every minute of everything he was doing. Now you're here calling him a pervert. Also you claim to not want to be a fwb but later you say you told him you did want to be a fwb and then he rejected your offer. Again you don't seem to mean anything you say and nobody can take you seriously. You are causing your own problems by not knowing how to tell the truth about what it is you want and need. Let this creepy guy go and don't get into anymore relationships until you know how to be honest with yourself.

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beyond Established Member

beyond

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where in the uk lol....

 

Not sure this is the right place to start chatting someone up guys!

 

Squidoo - Stop thinking about how he keeps changing his mind and what he really wants. What do YOU want? What are you prepared to put up with and not put up with?

 

I agree with the poster who said it's not to do with the sexual stuff, its about what type of relationship you both want and it sounds like you were once in agreement (when it was FWB) but now things have changed.

RogerWallace111 Established Member

RogerWallace111

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Pee in him

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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I know you're right Alexandria, I'm not good at relationships and don't tend to enter into them.... Him being my second partner. The pervertedness isn't about golden showers or slapping me, but the fact that he is going out in public places and wanking on his own. I'm pretty open minded but to me sounds more than a little wrong.

 

Nobody is more frustrated than myself that I can't let go and grow some balls and tell him where to go, I just don't get me either so I guess you guys can't won't be able too.

alexandria35 Established Member

alexandria35

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Why did you break up with him in the first place? I think you broke up with him, had second thoughts about it which is quite normal, but then when you realized you couldn't have him anymore you got overly focussed on his rejection and on getting him back. Stop making it about winning him back and focus on the reasons you wanted to end it in the first place.

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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It is the rejection I think, and I also think I'm trying to get the upper hand. My self esteem and self respect are low, I need to snap out of this it's been going on far too long. Anyone is welcome to be as harsh as they like with me, I need it!

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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I don't think even fwb should be treated as hoe's, he hadn't in the 4 years previous. Fwb aren't bad people, it's just how it suits there lifestyle at the time. He was the one who decided he wanted more.

RogerWallace111 Established Member

RogerWallace111

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Pee in him

 

this ^^^^^

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Squidoo Established Member

Squidoo

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Well Roger, I think someone who likes to do this and gets a kick out of people walking near by is crazy..... He doesn't know if that person who walks past is going to be a child or an adult, and what makes it ok if it is an adult? I know I don't want to come across a guy having a wank behind a tree!!

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