Broken NC anyone?

[goodbyesunshine]

So... I broke NC after 20 days. I went out with my girlfriends who are kind of confrontational and they kept telling me to go to his house to confront him. I didn't do it, but I couldn't get it out of my head that I wanted closure. An official break up. An explanation of why he became so distant all of a sudden. Something.

 

I really shouldn't have bothered. He didn't bother reading my text (since 7 hours ago, and I know he must have avoided reading it on purpose).

 

It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm back to Day 1 - loss of appetite, unhappiness, crying. I really kind of deserve this pain and should have known this would have happened.

 

I can't believe I am this fragile and lack the dignity to keep away from this person who has asked me to give him "time". Anyone else who broke NC willing to share your story? What did you say, what did he/she say? What happened in the end? How long did it take to move on?

Edited August 9, 2012 by goodbyesunshine

[Hobbit]

I wish I could have NC, but with our 2 year old boy its impossible

[blue_jay_bird]

I'm sorry to hear, don't be hard on your self, everyone here want's to break NC. Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick are selves up. Remember, always remember, things will get better, as dark as you feel. You will feel better one day.

[Ruby65]

My feeling about breaking NC is that, ideally, you try not to do it because the whole point of NC is to protect yourself from any new potential pain.

 

NC is an act of self-love and self-respect. It's about reclaiming your sense of dignity. It's not to punish an ex, and it's not there to hold yourself up to impossible standards of perfection. It's about loving yourself enough to protect yourself from pain.

 

So, if you slip, it's kind of defeating the whole purpose if you use this as a reason to put yourself down about it.

 

You've got the pain of the contact..... plus the pain of hating yourself for having broken the NC.... not good.

 

I don't know your story, but I know your ex is a douche for not answering all your questions and helping you achieve a sense of closure and having an official breakup. He asks for "time"? Who is he to ask you for ANYTHING when he's breaking your heart??

 

Right now, it's all about YOU. It's about moving on from the pain and trying to feel normal again.

 

Sometimes immediately after a breakup (and yeah, 20 days is immediately after) you need to make contact and get rejected to accept the reality of what's happening to you. You're in a state of shock. Sometimes you need to reach out and get that door slammed in your face before you can move on.

 

So you reached out, and the douche slammed the door in your face.

 

Now you pick yourself up, with dignity and grace, and you resume your NC. You move on with your head held high. NO ONE can take that from you.

[Selina1]

Sorry, what is NC?

[lovehurts82]

Right now, it's all about YOU. It's about moving on from the pain and trying to feel normal again.

 

Sometimes immediately after a breakup (and yeah, 20 days is immediately after) you need to make contact and get rejected to accept the reality of what's happening to you. You're in a state of shock. Sometimes you need to reach out and get that door slammed in your face before you can move on.

 

So you reached out, and the douche slammed the door in your face.

 

Now you pick yourself up, with dignity and grace, and you resume your NC. You move on with your head held high. NO ONE can take that from you.

 

Just wanted to say I myself appreciated reading this. I'm going through a rough break as well and it really helped me feel grounded once more. I broke NC yesterday when ex texted me with "I'm sorry" and I felt like I needed to unload.. all the feelings.. all the questions. He didn't answer them, but at least I got them out of my head and into his.. for /HIM/ to mull over. But, I'm back to NC and starting over with it.. as I feel I've had closure. It was a tough thing.. reopened healing wounds and set me back to being sad and crying, but it needed to be done.

 

Right now, I'm focusing on myself. Trying to get back into going to the gym regularly like I was before.. losing some more weight. With that comes self-worth and confidence.. and I know I'm gonna need it eventually, because Im pretty sure he'll want to come back. Then it will be my turn to slam the door in /HIS/ face.

[lovehurts82]

Sorry, what is NC?

NC means "no contact".. it's something that's suggested after breakups in order to give yourself time to heal and not have constant reminders which delay the healing process. You can read more here.

[goodbyesunshine]

My feeling about breaking NC is that, ideally, you try not to do it because the whole point of NC is to protect yourself from any new potential pain.

 

NC is an act of self-love and self-respect. It's about reclaiming your sense of dignity. It's not to punish an ex, and it's not there to hold yourself up to impossible standards of perfection. It's about loving yourself enough to protect yourself from pain.

 

So, if you slip, it's kind of defeating the whole purpose if you use this as a reason to put yourself down about it.

 

You've got the pain of the contact..... plus the pain of hating yourself for having broken the NC.... not good.

 

I don't know your story, but I know your ex is a douche for not answering all your questions and helping you achieve a sense of closure and having an official breakup. He asks for "time"? Who is he to ask you for ANYTHING when he's breaking your heart??

 

Right now, it's all about YOU. It's about moving on from the pain and trying to feel normal again.

 

Sometimes immediately after a breakup (and yeah, 20 days is immediately after) you need to make contact and get rejected to accept the reality of what's happening to you. You're in a state of shock. Sometimes you need to reach out and get that door slammed in your face before you can move on.

 

So you reached out, and the douche slammed the door in your face.

 

Now you pick yourself up, with dignity and grace, and you resume your NC. You move on with your head held high. NO ONE can take that from you.

 

Thanks for the reply, it's really what I needed to hear. You are absolutely right. I've been (1) getting depressed about this "break up" and (2) beating myself up over having texted him and losing dignity, that today has been exceptionally awful, just like it was back to the good ol' days a few weeks ago. I feel like he has slammed the door in my face a few times, each time harder and harder, while I sit outside the door waiting for him to get over his depression and "stress from work" (that was the reason he used for his distance). His last message asked for some time to get over from this depression of work and he claims he's happy with everything between us. Clinging on to those words I have waited for 20 days, but he has not contacted me since. I thought we had something good and I wanted to fight for it, but now the depression seems like a feeble excuse for such behaviour.

 

The last time he asked for time, I was determined, hellbent on staying in NC even if it means never hearing from him again. I had no idea I would betray myself to do this! Tonight I am going to delete his number from my phone, and good thing I haven't memorised it, so there is absolutely no way of getting to him unless I show up at his doorstep (I guess I have enough dignity and self-respect to keep me from that)

[goodbyesunshine]

Just wanted to say I myself appreciated reading this. I'm going through a rough break as well and it really helped me feel grounded once more. I broke NC yesterday when ex texted me with "I'm sorry" and I felt like I needed to unload.. all the feelings.. all the questions. He didn't answer them, but at least I got them out of my head and into his.. for /HIM/ to mull over. But, I'm back to NC and starting over with it.. as I feel I've had closure. It was a tough thing.. reopened healing wounds and set me back to being sad and crying, but it needed to be done.

 

Right now, I'm focusing on myself. Trying to get back into going to the gym regularly like I was before.. losing some more weight. With that comes self-worth and confidence.. and I know I'm gonna need it eventually, because Im pretty sure he'll want to come back. Then it will be my turn to slam the door in /HIS/ face.

 

If you don't mind sharing more your story... how long were you broken up?

 

I keep feeling a need for this "closure" you are talking about! It sucks. I know nothing can be gained from any closure talks, but my heart refuses to listen. It's like it WANTS to hear it from him or it refuses to believe in it I just wish he at least cared enough to say sorry - right now he is acting like I am some pesky annoying girl he is trying to avoid, yet doesn't want to break up with.

[WeirdExs]

Goodbyesunshine,

 

My personal opinion and I've been in your shoes having gone through this before. Even though you think you need closure from him, you really don't. You need closure with yourself and that is only going to come with time and not speaking to him. Trust me, keep your distance with him and one day it is going to click in your mind that you've moved on and you deserved better than this dueche. If he comes back after weeks of NC then you will at least be in the state of mind to reassess the good and the bad parts of this relationship.

 

Don't give him the power to think that you are some annoying pesky girl because that is what is going to happen if you reach out to him for "closure." Be strong, live your life, don't speak with him and this moment where you have finally gained closure with yourself will happen and you'll be so much better off.

[David84]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/339044-she-left-me-another-guy-nc-updates-3.html

 

On the third page is a conversation with my ex who left me. I broke no contact. I haven't heard from her since yesterday morning after breaking no contact and seeing her for 90 minutes. I needed to because it helps me realize she's an awefull person who continues to hurt me for no reason and her own self gain and gratification. I won't break it again. I offered an olive branch and she said all the right things and then dropped me again. I still haven't received closure as to why she left either. I've only been able to offer my own ideas as to why to try and figure it out for myself.

 

I FEEL YOUR HURT. TRUELY.

Edited August 9, 2012 by David84

[Tree_Salmon]

I do NC until I've gotten far enough from the pain so that I can think clearly and heal/grow.

 

Once you feel you can handle anything that comes out of your ex you can break NC. I've done it and i'ts helped me in my healing.

 

You have to be able to know your limits at any given time.

[goodbyesunshine]

Goodbyesunshine,

 

My personal opinion and I've been in your shoes having gone through this before. Even though you think you need closure from him, you really don't. You need closure with yourself and that is only going to come with time and not speaking to him. Trust me, keep your distance with him and one day it is going to click in your mind that you've moved on and you deserved better than this dueche. If he comes back after weeks of NC then you will at least be in the state of mind to reassess the good and the bad parts of this relationship.

 

Don't give him the power to think that you are some annoying pesky girl because that is what is going to happen if you reach out to him for "closure." Be strong, live your life, don't speak with him and this moment where you have finally gained closure with yourself will happen and you'll be so much better off.

 

Thank you, it really helps to hear that this "closure" is unnecessary, because when I tell myself that I just can't seem to believe it. You must know how in fragile moments, everything we are determined about, everything we have promised ourselves, everything we believe in, just falls apart.

 

I have deleted his number from my phone. He hasn't replied my message the entire day, it's been 12 hours, I know he is probably pretending that message (and me) don't exist. Coward.

 

But oh well. There is no way I can contact him now other than Facebook which he doesn't use anyway, so yes, I am going to move on, closure or none.

[goodbyesunshine]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/339044-she-left-me-another-guy-nc-updates-3.html

 

On the third page is a conversation with my ex who left me. I broke no contact. I haven't heard from her since yesterday morning after breaking no contact and seeing her for 90 minutes. I needed to because it helps me realize she's an awefull person who continues to hurt me for no reason and her own self gain and gratification. I won't break it again. I offered an olive branch and she said all the right things and then dropped me again. I still haven't received closure as to why she left either. I've only been able to offer my own ideas as to why to try and figure it out for myself.

 

I FEEL YOUR HURT. TRUELY.

 

David, what a coincidence, I have been quietly following your thread the entire day, and reading the comments has helped me forget a little about the sh*t I am in after I sent that NC-breaking message! If you want to read about mine, it's here. Tell me what you think if you read it

 

As for your case... I wasn't reading it from a POV where I wanted to comment, all the while I was in the whole WTF SHE MISSES YOU!!! I'M SO JEALOUS I WANT THIS TEXT MESSAGE NOW NOW NOW. But to be honest, most of the comments I saw there are, sadly, right. Like the fact that she is just not worth it, she's just playing games, she actively chose not to be with you, etc. It's very plain. If she misses you and is so sure of her love, then why aren't you two back together?!!

 

In one of your posts you said this " Here I was thinking I ****ing knew the person i spent every day with." - I KNOW. I thought I knew my ex inside out and upside down, I thought I could trust on him to be the one person to never do some crazy sh*t to hurt me, I believed every promise he made and everything he said, we were like the best-est of friends, but now? He is just a stranger. (All the text messages I sent to beg him to fight for us? Either takes days to reply or ignored). We don't know them like we thought we did. All this needing time and figuring things out is really just crap.

 

After this incident, NC IS DEFINITELY THE WAY TO GO. If you feel the lowest of the low right now, I bet you if you let her sneak back into your life in some way she can make you feel doubly worse. Hang in there David! I didn't receive the closure I need, and every day it still hurts. But I guess we gotta accept that this closure is never gonna come. They will continually f*** us up and leave us crying!!! (Here I am, trying to advice you but when it comes to myself... I know how hard it is ) Stay strong.

[big bear]

I break NC every couple of days.. Longest was a month..

I have always been the glass half empty kind of person but still with her..

 

Broke today on text message..

 

Me: Hi, May I ask you something?

She: Sure

.

.

.

.

.

Me: Would you consider meeting this weekend?

She: No and please don't ask me this again.

 

Me : How much contact you want to have with me

NC

LC

Once a week,, Once a month

She: Once a month.. I am busy, talk to you later. Good night

 

Me: Your insults really pinch me at times. Anyhow Happy Birthday in advance (It's next month).

She: Thanks. Bye.

 

Made me angry for the first time. Usually gets me heart broken.

[goodbyesunshine]

Big bear - wow that's just harsh. How long have you guys been together? And you said "still with her" - you are still together?? I don't understand why she would even want you to contact her once a month, it sounds like she doesn't give a damn about you. Also asking her how often she wants to hear from you gives her all the power she wants. I guess you probably already know this but you really shouldn't contact her anymore. I mean ZERO contact, no text messages! I know how hard it is - after all I just caved after 20 strong days But seems to me this woman is just not worth it and I am glad you are finally feeling angry! Stay angry!

[big bear]

Big bear - wow that's just harsh. How long have you guys been together? And you said "still with her" - you are still together?? I don't understand why she would even want you to contact her once a month, it sounds like she doesn't give a damn about you. Also asking her how often she wants to hear from you gives her all the power she wants. I guess you probably already know this but you really shouldn't contact her anymore. I mean ZERO contact, no text messages! I know how hard it is - after all I just caved after 20 strong days But seems to me this woman is just not worth it and I am glad you are finally feeling angry! Stay angry!

 

The thing is this break up is 90% my fault (first time cheating) and ten percent hers (she cheated twice). I drove her emotionally away, she pushed me even further. Took her 20 days to recover.

 

I just feel in some corner she has something for me. Besides, my first love ever once told me, she did not care about anything, the thing that pissed her off was that I did not try hard enough.

 

With this one I am not going to feel guilty. Let me feel cheated, dirty (my cheating) and what not. No more guilt.

 

Anyhow let life take it's course. You never know what it may bring (and I am not referring to only her coming back, may be there is someone better)

 

BTW: Broke up in Oct 2011. Spoke still everyday till Jan 2012. Finished everything in Feb 2012. Still spoke almost everyday. The phones went silent form May end.

[goodbyesunshine]

Big bear, sounds like she moved on since end of May, and I guess you will too, soon. Since you already feel that there isn't any point in hanging on, I'm sure it will make you determined not to contact her in any way now. All the best for your NC let's stay strong and break the bonds!

[David84]

David, what a coincidence, I have been quietly following your thread the entire day, and reading the comments has helped me forget a little about the sh*t I am in after I sent that NC-breaking message! If you want to read about mine, it's here. Tell me what you think if you read it

 

As for your case... I wasn't reading it from a POV where I wanted to comment, all the while I was in the whole WTF SHE MISSES YOU!!! I'M SO JEALOUS I WANT THIS TEXT MESSAGE NOW NOW NOW. But to be honest, most of the comments I saw there are, sadly, right. Like the fact that she is just not worth it, she's just playing games, she actively chose not to be with you, etc. It's very plain. If she misses you and is so sure of her love, then why aren't you two back together?!!

 

In one of your posts you said this " Here I was thinking I ****ing knew the person i spent every day with." - I KNOW. I thought I knew my ex inside out and upside down, I thought I could trust on him to be the one person to never do some crazy sh*t to hurt me, I believed every promise he made and everything he said, we were like the best-est of friends, but now? He is just a stranger. (All the text messages I sent to beg him to fight for us? Either takes days to reply or ignored). We don't know them like we thought we did. All this needing time and figuring things out is really just crap.

 

After this incident, NC IS DEFINITELY THE WAY TO GO. If you feel the lowest of the low right now, I bet you if you let her sneak back into your life in some way she can make you feel doubly worse. Hang in there David! I didn't receive the closure I need, and every day it still hurts. But I guess we gotta accept that this closure is never gonna come. They will continually f*** us up and leave us crying!!! (Here I am, trying to advice you but when it comes to myself... I know how hard it is ) Stay strong.

 

I'm glad could could give you something to read and distract your mind for a few moments. I read your situation and it's equally as ****ty. I can totally feel your hurt and I'm sorry. We have both spent such small amounts of our lives with these people it's crazy how much it impacts me minute to minute. Hour to hour. My life has COMPLETELY changed.

[Tree_Salmon]

I break NC every couple of days.. Longest was a month..

I have always been the glass half empty kind of person but still with her..

 

Broke today on text message..

 

Me: Hi, May I ask you something?

She: Sure

.

.

.

.

.

Me: Would you consider meeting this weekend?

She: No and please don't ask me this again.

 

Me : How much contact you want to have with me

NC

LC

Once a week,, Once a month

She: Once a month.. I am busy, talk to you later. Good night

 

Me: Your insults really pinch me at times. Anyhow Happy Birthday in advance (It's next month).

She: Thanks. Bye.

 

Made me angry for the first time. Usually gets me heart broken.

 

Dude this is painful to watch.

Pick up your balls. Why are you beginning this girl for time with you?

 

it should be like this:

 

me: hey, f**k you

her: oh, bye.

[Dblock10]

contact with an ex is bad enough or hard enough if my ex responded in such a way id not bother talking to her at all.

[big bear]

Dude this is painful to watch.

Pick up your balls. Why are you beginning this girl for time with you?

 

it should be like this:

 

me: hey, f**k you

her: oh, bye.

 

Thanks.. Harsh truth appreciated..