Whitney20 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Bare with me, this could get lengthy. My husband has always been very good to me. Never gave me any reason to believe he was cheating. I got pregnant back in October and we were thrilled to be having our second child. But the whole pregnancy, things were a little rocky between us. He claimed I never showed him attention, I guess bc I didn't want to have sex as often as he did. Sorry if I didn't feel my sexiest and my hormones were giving me a mind f*ck. He started staying out late at night and I caught him talking to girls and found out he was on a dating website. Even though we constantly fought about it, I just let it go and started distancing myself from him. We were more like roommates towards the end othe pregnancy. At 39 weeks, I went in for a routine check up and I was supposed to be induced 2 days later... Until I got the worst news of my life. They couldn't find the heartbeat. I lost my daughter due to a cord accident. My husband and I were absolutely devastated. They say a tragedy like that can either bring a couple closer together or tear them apart. At the time, it brought us together. He was my rock. He never left my side. He was so loving and supportive and just what I needed. He told me how sorry he was for all the talking to other women and kept reassuring me nothing ever happened. He just talked, and I believed him. Back in May I got a message on Facebook from a woman telling me that she wanted to let me know that my husband was not a honest man and was presenting himself as single. I never saw it for some reason until this past Friday. I questioned him about it all day Friday and he denied anything and everything. Saying she was some girl he used to talk to and she was mad at him for whatever reason and was trying to get back at him. I didn't believe him. I kept on and he finally confessed to meeting that girl in a bar and ended up seeing her quite a few times. It lasted over a month. He said all that happened was that they made out a few times and she gave him head once. I talked to the girl and she said the same thing. They never had sex. I believe her. I felt that she was truly sorry for what happened. She said she would have never given him the time of day if she would have known about me. She had been cheated on before so she knew how it felt. Naturally I was devastated to say the least. Here he was promising to be better after we lost our daughter just 6 weeks ago, but he was still hiding this huge lie. I truly believe he is sorry for what he did and he has been trying very very hard to prove to me that he will never do it again and he wants to make our marriage work. But how do I get over something like that, given the circumstances and the opportunities he had to tell me? Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated!
Radu Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Just a few thoughts : - he cheated when you were pregnant, has he always needed constant sexual attention throughout his life ? This may become a problem later on, what if you guys need to do LDR for a short while, or there is another pregnancy ? - i can understand why he didn't tell you, the double whammy of losing your girl and this would have been ... wow, at the same time. I cannot understand why you had to drag it out of him. - it is not your fault. While to some degree what sets the mood for this is 50%-50%, his cheating is 100% on him. - if you choose reconciliation don't allow him to weasel his way out of this. Forgiving takes 2-5yrs and you will never forget this. - he needs to do IC and MC and pull the wagon on this. - you were pregnant, he did this ... was he unhappy about the pregnancy ? - MC's are of 2 kinds. Those that decide to sacrifice a spouse for the marriage, by pushing the ideea that you need to 'get over it' - you as in the BS. Those that think something like this needs to be discussed, understood, communication needs to improve, etc. The former's way of doing things will be worse for your marriage and you in the long run. - if you choose reconcilliation, he gets no more privacy untill your trust is built up. He also has to take an STD test [don't believe all that he says, he lied to you before]. Accept it but verify anyway. He gets no rights to whine about having his privacy lost. If any of the above are not honored, it is probably better for you to live. Basically you need to find out why he chose to do this instead of talking with you, and to provide consequences for his actions, which will deter further such acctions. 1
Author Whitney20 Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 I do love him, and the way he has been acting towards me these past few weeks has been great. It makes me happy when I think about that. But then all the thoughts flood my brain thinking about him with another woman and I instantly get this awful feeling in my stomach and Im just hurt all over again. I dont know how I am supposed to forgive something like that. I just want to miss and grieve my daughter like Im supposed to. But what he has done is interferring with that. I just dont know what to do.
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