Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I am a very paranoid non trusting person. I know he tells lies. He lies to others therefore he must lie to me? Over time what I thought were typical lies seem to be revealed as truth..... this is all very confusing again. He says she will make his life hell if he doesn't spend time with the kids. He must go and spend time with the kids. As a family. In their family home. I have heard her scream on the phone about this. It seems to be true. So are they sleeping toghether..... is that not a typical lie? We are not sleeping together.
MourningLosses Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 He told me they weren't sleeping together. Later I found out she had a miscarriage during that year. Seems it wasn't true after all.
MissBee Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I am a very paranoid non trusting person. I know he tells lies. He lies to others therefore he must lie to me? Over time what I thought were typical lies seem to be revealed as truth..... this is all very confusing again. He says she will make his life hell if he doesn't spend time with the kids. He must go and spend time with the kids. As a family. In their family home. I have heard her scream on the phone about this. It seems to be true. So are they sleeping toghether..... is that not a typical lie? We are not sleeping together. Umm I think ANY mom would be upset if the father of their children doesn't spend time with his kids. This isn't a typical lie IMO. He should spend time with the kids at their home.... I remember you saying you didn't know if she even knew you all lived together. Does she now know? If he is lying about your relationship still, even though they are no longer living together, then it is possible he lies about you and it is possible they mess around.
Howcouldyou26 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I am a very paranoid non trusting person. I know he tells lies. He lies to others therefore he must lie to me? Over time what I thought were typical lies seem to be revealed as truth..... this is all very confusing again. He says she will make his life hell if he doesn't spend time with the kids. He must go and spend time with the kids. As a family. In their family home. I have heard her scream on the phone about this. It seems to be true. So are they sleeping toghether..... is that not a typical lie? We are not sleeping together. Ah yes the famous lies...you know what he would cover more then lie like tell me half the story. However I was smart enough to break in his emails. I even figured out his wife's so that when he would say one thing their only communication mainly was by email. I was able to see the truth. It was a good scheme until I lost my cool one day over something he refused to tell me. Like how he was home with the kids and her and he would take a shower and she would stare at him. Then she would type him something like why don't you want to do this or that with me. Even though he claimed he wasn't it was a big shock to me that things at home were going on. But nonetheless I just kind of got dumped at the fact he cries that he doesn't see his kids enough which that's fine but he totally played me by seeing her over the weekend and I just had a gut feeling..it was right..So I'm going to tell you to go with your gut..If something is not right suspect it..and by all means find out the truth before it hurts you too much..
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 Ah yes the famous lies...you know what he would cover more then lie like tell me half the story. However I was smart enough to break in his emails. I even figured out his wife's so that when he would say one thing their only communication mainly was by email. I was able to see the truth. It was a good scheme until I lost my cool one day over something he refused to tell me. Like how he was home with the kids and her and he would take a shower and she would stare at him. Then she would type him something like why don't you want to do this or that with me. Even though he claimed he wasn't it was a big shock to me that things at home were going on. But nonetheless I just kind of got dumped at the fact he cries that he doesn't see his kids enough which that's fine but he totally played me by seeing her over the weekend and I just had a gut feeling..it was right..So I'm going to tell you to go with your gut..If something is not right suspect it..and by all means find out the truth before it hurts you too much.. So, in your case, he was going to spend time with the 'kids' at the weekend and at the same time sleeping with his ex? How did you find out?
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 Umm I think ANY mom would be upset if the father of their children doesn't spend time with his kids. This isn't a typical lie IMO. He should spend time with the kids at their home.... I remember you saying you didn't know if she even knew you all lived together. Does she now know? If he is lying about your relationship still, even though they are no longer living together, then it is possible he lies about you and it is possible they mess around. Thank you MissBee.. I think he should spend time with the kids too but should it be at their home? She does know about us but she doesn't know everything. That was partly because I didn't see why she would have to know anything about me if they were indeed split up. Maybe I am naive? He said I should come to the house and see for myself. I do not think I should be involved. I told him I had no interest in him if he was involved with another woman. I made it crystal clear that I would have nothing to do with splitting a family up - I said if it was true that they were over before I got involved then that was another matter........... I also told him it would never work out between us because he lies and has cheated in the past.... I would never trust him. Yet, no matter what he refuses to let me go. It is much more difficult than I had thought. I must be smart about my exit.....
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 That's it's her fault that he cheats. OMG! I bet he said it with a serious face too! I hope you got out of that one.
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 He told me they weren't sleeping together. Later I found out she had a miscarriage during that year. Seems it wasn't true after all. Horrible. Had you split up by then?
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 MM are just men. Not all of them lie. In fact a lot of them don't. Except a white lie now and then of course like we all do. Sorry if you don't trust your MM, Adamgen. You say you at times find out he is indeed telling the truth. Perhaps you are being too suspicious and untrusting? ' Thank you trinity1.... I am so confused. I know he tells lies (to others) when I confront him he always has an answer. I do not seem to be able to trust him or anybody. He is living with me and says he is going to see the kids.... she is screaming and blackmailing him (I listened to the phone calls) to go there and not tell the children it is over between them. I did not believe this at first but now I can not deny it. I hear from other people too.... It still does not seem to be enough. We work together. When he is with his ex and the children in their home I get very angry and untrusting. I come on to the forum and read other stories and become even more convinced it is all wrong. I have many friends and affairs (financial etc) to take care of and I agreed to let him go and be with his family in peace if I could get on with my affairs.... he agreed and we were quite happy with this arrangement but then he calls up asking me to do this and that for different clients..... now I have no time for my things. This is making me angry. Why should he have both? It is true I will make a higher income when I deal with these clients and I know that if he had a choice he would be doing that himself. He is almost a workaholic..... He gets confused and tells me I am being unreasonible..... that the most practical is to go there and spend time, like a happy family, with her and the kids - to keep the peace. I can't believe this is normal? In two years time when the relationship is not so much fun.... I will be older and he will still have his home with the kids and ex? (She was shouting on the phone that he can do what he wants as long as he shows up for the kids)..... then she called me that f***ing Bit**!!
MourningLosses Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Horrible. Had you split up by then? Oh no. That would have been at the height of our relationship when for 6 months he was promising not to sleep with her. When he went silent on me and I dug around some mutual acquaintances for news of him one told me his wife had just then (like in the last few weeks) had a miscarriage. So assuming it wasn't more than 12 weeks the conception was smack in the middle of then.
Radagast Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Umm I think ANY mom would be upset if the father of their children doesn't spend time with his kids. This isn't a typical lie IMO. He should spend time with the kids at their home.... Why at her home? Why not at his?
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 Oh no. That would have been at the height of our relationship when for 6 months he was promising not to sleep with her. When he went silent on me and I dug around some mutual acquaintances for news of him one told me his wife had just then (like in the last few weeks) had a miscarriage. So assuming it wasn't more than 12 weeks the conception was smack in the middle of then. I think that is why I become so miserable when he goes back 'home'.... I have no idea what really goes on there... I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't want but at the same time I do not want to end up in a worse situation than I was in before...
woinlove Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 ' Thank you trinity1.... I am so confused. I know he tells lies (to others) when I confront him he always has an answer. I do not seem to be able to trust him or anybody. He is living with me and says he is going to see the kids.... she is screaming and blackmailing him (I listened to the phone calls) to go there and not tell the children it is over between them. I did not believe this at first but now I can not deny it. I hear from other people too.... It still does not seem to be enough. We work together. When he is with his ex and the children in their home I get very angry and untrusting. I come on to the forum and read other stories and become even more convinced it is all wrong. I have many friends and affairs (financial etc) to take care of and I agreed to let him go and be with his family in peace if I could get on with my affairs.... he agreed and we were quite happy with this arrangement but then he calls up asking me to do this and that for different clients..... now I have no time for my things. This is making me angry. Why should he have both? It is true I will make a higher income when I deal with these clients and I know that if he had a choice he would be doing that himself. He is almost a workaholic..... He gets confused and tells me I am being unreasonible..... that the most practical is to go there and spend time, like a happy family, with her and the kids - to keep the peace. I can't believe this is normal? In two years time when the relationship is not so much fun.... I will be older and he will still have his home with the kids and ex? (She was shouting on the phone that he can do what he wants as long as he shows up for the kids)..... then she called me that f***ing Bit**!! It is not usual to be fully separated, headed to divorce, and still spending nights in the marital home, for the children or otherwise. I assume MM does this because he is living with you and he doesn't feel his children can visit in his shared home with you. Is that correct? Why did he not get a place of his own, given that he has children? The MM I was with seemed honest about most things, but not about his sexual or romantic life. Ultimately, I think he liked to be able to do what he wanted sexually and romantically, despite what promises or commitments he might have made. Although his BW was the major recipient of these lies, I finally saw enough to question what it would be like with him long term, and decided to leave. 1
Radagast Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 So are they sleeping toghether..... is that not a typical lie? We are not sleeping together. Some may lie about this and others tell the truth. I did not have sex with my then-wife during the affair. I did not lie about that. But perhaps some others do.
MourningLosses Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I would never tolerate him letting her call me a bitch. The one time ago me on the phone he was standing over her threatening that I'd she was rude to me he would be done. She was sufficiently afraid of losing him ( or losing someone in the role) to behave.
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 I would never tolerate him letting her call me a bitch. The one time ago me on the phone he was standing over her threatening that I'd she was rude to me he would be done. She was sufficiently afraid of losing him ( or losing someone in the role) to behave. You are right not to tolerate that. He did defend me on the phone but it sounded weak. She threatened to kill me and he didn't shout at her - he just said 'you can't go around threatening people like that and that I'd done nothing wrong...' Is it human nature to always want more? I wonder if I am unreasonible or if I should really stick to my guns...
amaysngrace Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 OMG! I bet he said it with a serious face too! I hope you got out of that one. Nah it's not me who heard these words. I'd never even seriously consider hooking up with someone who's involved with someone else let alone married. I try to abide by the Commandments plus it's way too much unnecessary drama for me. But I've been on LS for a long time and this seems to be the way they roll. 1
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 Nah it's not me who heard these words. I'd never even seriously consider hooking up with someone who's involved with someone else let alone married. I try to abide by the Commandments plus it's way too much unnecessary drama for me. But I've been on LS for a long time and this seems to be the way they roll. Just curious.... why spend time in LS? I imagine you were cheated on but I see you became a member in 2006? That is a long time to need support? 1
woinlove Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Just curious.... why spend time in LS? I imagine you were cheated on but I see you became a member in 2006? That is a long time to need support? If your curious, you can look up the past threads. I don't think she is a BW and she seems to get useful input here on co-parenting with a difficult ex. Her example of a typical lie is fairly common and one reads about it a lot on LS. Are you still interested in examples of lies as per your opening post? 1
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 If your curious, you can look up the past threads. I don't think she is a BW and she seems to get useful input here on co-parenting with a difficult ex. Her example of a typical lie is fairly common and one reads about it a lot on LS. Are you still interested in examples of lies as per your opening post? Yes, I am interested in typical lies.... the cheaters manual. I did look up the old posts and couldn't find a story anywhere..... just comments. thanks
woinlove Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Yes, I am interested in typical lies.... the cheaters manual. I did look up the old posts and couldn't find a story anywhere..... just comments. thanks The most common lie in my own experience and from reading stories here is the MM minimizing and/or misrepresenting the R with his W, whether that is saying they do not have sex when they do, like roommates, that they are separated, planning to separate, planning to divorce, the M is dead, etc. 2
amaysngrace Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 How do you get healthy self esteem? By walking away from him. 2
Author Adamgem Posted August 9, 2012 Author Posted August 9, 2012 By walking away from him. I do not find that helpful. Would it not make sense that I got involved in the first place because I was lacking in self esteem? How would walking away help my lack of self esteem? I will be on the street and jobless when I leave him. That is not going to do my self esteem much good.
jwi71 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Yes, I am interested in typical lies.... the cheaters manual. I did look up the old posts and couldn't find a story anywhere..... just comments. thanks We don't have sex anymore I'm getting D soon We live like roommates She is...frigid, mean, controlling, inset pejorative here to WS (aka the BS drive me to cheat) They lie about being M! Why they can't meet you/keep a date How religion forbids them to D but an A is ok They don't spend time together D would crush the BS The BS is also cheating The BS is abusive in some manner The BS knows and doesn't care My kids are my number 1 priority I'm sure there are more....those are the ones I could think of off the top of my head anyway 2
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