VodkaShots Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I've been friends with this lad since we were 14 in '07, we're both 19 going on 20 now, and out of those years, we've been close since about October 2008, although we fell out and didn't speak for six months, but since then fixed our friendship. We're long-distance, we meet about twice or so every six months, so while we met online and we mainly speak online via MSN and Facebook or phone, I consider him a great real life friend. He usually texts me first and messages me on Facebook or MSN first and we've been ultra close since Jan when his ex broke up with him for someone else and he overdosed seriously and has since then been struggling with health problems from the OD, a tumour and the death of his mother, so he has lots to deal with, which of course I understand and I've been there for him. The problem is, I have feelings for him and I really, really doubt they're reciprocated. In fact I'm quite sure they're not. He considers me a close friend and a "sister" (we are FB siblings), but that's as far as it goes. He's interested in someone else who has no interest in him and if they don't fall out for good (they fight a lot) soon, she'll probably get with someone else and they'll stop speaking, but I'm quite certain as soon as he gets speaking to some other girl (online or irl - we both use a lot of forums and online games) who shows him interest he will fall for her. I don't know if it's my own feelings that make this worse or the fact whoever he dates become his absolute best friend. It's the little things which bother me like he'll only share his e-diary (tumblr) password with his girlfriend, it sounds petty and probably is, but it bothers me. I don't doubt for a second that he considers me a good friend, he does, he even reckons that I know more about him than pretty much everyone in his life does, but it bothers me that I'm attracted to him and have feelings for him as more than a friend. Personality-wise, we relate a lot and have saw eachother through good and bad, and physically he's very attractive, he's 6'4" and before he became ill he was quite built (he lost a lot of muscle through illness but Idc) and has a nice face, to be honest I am not attractive and I think that's one of the reasons why he isn't interested in me, though he would never say it, although saying that, most of his girlfriends (except for one, his recent ex, she was a very pretty redhead) have been plain janes, including the one he now digs. So, I don't really know how to deal with my feelings. You might have noted that I haven't said I've told him, I told him once, rather in jest (my feelings weren't strong then), about three years ago, but that was when he was with someone else and again after they broke up, but he was going through an emotional whirlwind and once we talked about that, and he just said "I didn't know what I felt". I feel if I were to tell him now, with everything going on his life and the fact he is interested in someone else, I would get a similar response. Does anyone have any advice? Particularly from men, but women too.
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Would you say this guy is aware or not aware that you are into him? Did you ever try to indicate to him that you were? You say he will fall for girls who show interest in him. What you don't want is to be a friend for years and years when what you actually want is to be his girlfriend. Are you going to be OK with all of his future hookups and relationships? If one of them turns out to be permanent you're really going to feel awkward. You need to figure out what you want. It is true that girlfriends may seem like best friends to some men, especially when things get solid. You should not be jealous of that. That is just the way it is. Overall, it remains a relationship. It is still different than a friendship. If you wish for the friendship to turn into a possible relationship, you should try and subtly hint at that. Simply test the waters. Touch him. You can always say it was a mistake, that your hand fell, if he is really disturbed. He might think it's cute. Show him you enjoy his presence. It won't necessarily ruin the friendship. Looks are hard to evaluate. It's true that most guys will think about looks a lot. I do. But if you are healthy, take care of yourself, have character and some chic you may very well turn his head around. Perhaps try and change something in your look (something you already thought about doing) to see if he notices. I don't believe 100% in male-female friendship. They often hide some level of attraction (sometimes tiny, but still...) for the woman on the part of the man. Some of the odds are in your favor. Just make sure that this is what you want before you try. It could change the nature of your friendship. You could be hurt. On the other hand, the two of you might end up enjoying it. Be subtle and be persistent.
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 *I just re-read your post. I suggest you don't "come out" to him while he his away (perhaps only hints). Wait for his return.
Recommended Posts