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For girls (20 and up) and were with their bf's for 2 plus years

notsure252

By notsure252
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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notsure252 Member

notsure252

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I'm not expecting some answer to help me get my ex-gf back, I was just curious what has happened with the girls that are 20 and up that dated a guy for two plus years that hit that famous "I'm not sure if I love you enough"/ "I'm not sure you are the one" thing.

 

So basically my question is, for those girls that went through that, how did it happen? Did just one day you wake up and decide you just wanted to see what else was out there? When you broke up how long did you go on dating/other things with other guys and did you ever feel like your ex was everything you wanted and go back to him? If so, how long did it take? If you did realize it, did your ex-bf take you back? What did your ex-bf do while you were out and about?

 

Again, I know there is no "one answer" I'm just curious.

Appleness Established Member

Appleness

Posted
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I was actually on the receiving end of this...twice, and with the same guy. To me, it's the whole "grass is greener" thing. You know, you have friends that you'll go clubbing with. You see a cute guy/girl and your friend tells you to go for it but you don't. Then you go home and see your SO and you realize you resent them because you totally could have gotten that hottie's number, etc.

 

Don't get me wrong. Girls get this too. It all comes down to strength of character. You know it's wrong. It's not your bf/gf's fault but there's not lingering question of "what if that other person is so much better? Look how they're paying me so much attention! That was mean that I'm worth so much more than I previously thought." (Or something along those lines).

 

Not sure what a typical guy would do if their gf pulled this but for me, I don't stand for it. Why give them free rein to walk in and out of your life? Are you that much of a doormat?

Sameold Established Member

Sameold

Posted
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As a guy who's gf did this to him I can say I made sure I let her have it in a very well worded message and then after realising there was no hope left due to her changed persona blocked her on fb and all contact is now gone after 3.5 year. 10 weeks NC now. A lot of the time it is GIGS and none of us want to be with someone who is so easily led to pastures new as life isn't like that in a commited relationship.

 

GIGS people are much more likely to be divorced so I avoid them big time.

Coyoteloco Established Member

Coyoteloco

Posted
Posted

well this is happening to me right now, my gf left me cause of this, GIGS. If she tells me to get back together the answer is no. The only way would be if she doesnt kiss anyone, and if she changes her way of being. But i dont think that is going to happen, so atleast im young and ill find some1 better in the future.

 

But yea this happened cause she started going clubbing too much, and i could see she changed, all started when she made this new group of friends which brainwashed her. I hope she one day realises this.

the ill-made knight Established Member

the ill-made knight

Posted
Posted

This is actually what happened with my ex and I. I broke up with him, but I think we were both in agreement that we were just not each other's "one". I know on my side, at least, there was no one else and I don't think it was a sudden thing, but rather something I always sort of knew in the back of my mind but didn't want to admit to. He was a good guy and I wanted things to work because of that and how much we had in common, but I was just never crazy in love with the guy. Never. I think the longer we spent together and the older I got as well the more I realized that we just weren't "it" for each other.

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notsure252 Member

notsure252

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This is actually what happened with my ex and I. I broke up with him, but I think we were both in agreement that we were just not each other's "one". I know on my side, at least, there was no one else and I don't think it was a sudden thing, but rather something I always sort of knew in the back of my mind but didn't want to admit to. He was a good guy and I wanted things to work because of that and how much we had in common, but I was just never crazy in love with the guy. Never. I think the longer we spent together and the older I got as well the more I realized that we just weren't "it" for each other.

 

 

 

Did anyone else think that too? (like your friends and stuff.)

antelope82 Member

antelope82

Posted
Posted
I was actually on the receiving end of this...twice, and with the same guy. To me, it's the whole "grass is greener" thing. You know, you have friends that you'll go clubbing with. You see a cute guy/girl and your friend tells you to go for it but you don't. Then you go home and see your SO and you realize you resent them because you totally could have gotten that hottie's number, etc.

 

Don't get me wrong. Girls get this too. It all comes down to strength of character. You know it's wrong. It's not your bf/gf's fault but there's not lingering question of "what if that other person is so much better? Look how they're paying me so much attention! That was mean that I'm worth so much more than I previously thought." (Or something along those lines).

 

Not sure what a typical guy would do if their gf pulled this but for me, I don't stand for it. Why give them free rein to walk in and out of your life? Are you that much of a doormat?

 

This is basically what happened to me and my ex-fiance. We are still talking now which is probably a terrible idea, and probably an even worse idea, but we are sorta considering going to counseling.

 

She has GIGS. Dont think she really knows that, even though I've told her and some other people have too. I think the important thing with her though, is that she isnt happy with herself, and that's truly important. Unfortunately, this behavior isn't going to make her happier either.

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notsure252 Member

notsure252

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This is basically what happened to me and my ex-fiance. We are still talking now which is probably a terrible idea, and probably an even worse idea, but we are sorta considering going to counseling.

 

She has GIGS. Dont think she really knows that, even though I've told her and some other people have too. I think the important thing with her though, is that she isnt happy with herself, and that's truly important. Unfortunately, this behavior isn't going to make her happier either.

 

 

Well I hope she comes back to you man.

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notsure252 Member

notsure252

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I probably should have made the thread titled "For anyone that has had GIGS or their significant other had GIGS." Is there anyway to edit my thread title?

Gulf-Delta Established Member

Gulf-Delta

Posted
Posted
This is basically what happened to me and my ex-fiance. We are still talking now which is probably a terrible idea, and probably an even worse idea, but we are sorta considering going to counseling.

 

She has GIGS. Dont think she really knows that, even though I've told her and some other people have too. I think the important thing with her though, is that she isnt happy with herself, and that's truly important. Unfortunately, this behavior isn't going to make her happier either.

 

Sounds like I could've written this.

 

My ex-fiancee also left me for the same reasons. Quickly found a new guy to fit into her new lifestyle, and hasn't tried to contact me in a long time, except for a comment on a YouTube video of mine.

Coffee20 Established Member

Coffee20

Posted
Posted (edited)
Let me cut through all the BS for you and tell you how it is.

 

If you are dating or in a relationship with someone who is under the age of 25, it's EXTREMELY unlikely and I HIGHLY doubt that any of you will end up with your "First Love", your "HS sweetheart" or the first (second, third, etc.) person you have a long term relationship with. It almost NEVER happens these days. What happen with your grandparents or parents rarely if ever happens now.

 

If you are dating or in a LTR with someone under the age of 25, chances are they will break up and end a relationship with you. No, not because you are a bad person or anything... In fact, you could be the greatest BF / GF in the world and they still are going to end things with you.

 

Why?

 

They are young, immature, naive, curious, have little to no life experience, no perspective, have no idea who they are, what they want, what love is, highly susceptible and influenced by peer pressure to what their friends, "good time" friends and what "Society at Large" (Music, TV, Movies, Commercials, Facebook, etc) is telling them. Which is... Go live it up, party, be single, date / sleep around, drinking, drugs, experiment, date bad boy / girls, superficial and shallow things are most important, be selfish, be impulsive, instant gratification, love is the honeymoon period / butterflies / etc.

 

Like almost every other person within their age group, they are going to want to go do some or all of those things above at some point. When they do, they can't / don't / won't do them while staying in a relationship with you.

 

This is the real reason why (I don't care what BS line your Ex gave you) almost all of you who were dumped by someone who is under the age of 25 or so.

 

Meeting the person you will eventually marry is a PROCESS. You will probably dump / be dumped many more times before you finally meet "the one". See my "A Break Up... Is The Answer To A Question" below in my signature if you want to learn more.

 

Note: If you are one of the unlucky few who are looking for / wanting to meet "the one" when you are in your late teens / early twenties... Dating / Relationships are not going to be a very pleasurable experience for you until you are older and dating people who are around the age of 25 or so.

 

yes, this I think is the TRUTH!

sorry I wrote so little, but I needed to quote it :D

Edited by Coffee20
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notsure252 Member

notsure252

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Let me cut through all the BS for you and tell you how it is.

 

If you are dating or in a relationship with someone who is under the age of 25, it's EXTREMELY unlikely and I HIGHLY doubt that any of you will end up with your "First Love", your "HS sweetheart" or the first (second, third, etc.) person you have a long term relationship with. It almost NEVER happens these days. What happen with your grandparents or parents rarely if ever happens now.

 

If you are dating or in a LTR with someone under the age of 25, chances are they will break up and end a relationship with you. No, not because you are a bad person or anything... In fact, you could be the greatest BF / GF in the world and they still are going to end things with you.

 

Why?

 

They are young, immature, naive, curious, have little to no life experience, no perspective, have no idea who they are, what they want, what love is, highly susceptible and influenced by peer pressure to what their friends, "good time" friends and what "Society at Large" (Music, TV, Movies, Commercials, Facebook, etc) is telling them. Which is... Go live it up, party, be single, date / sleep around, drinking, drugs, experiment, date bad boy / girls, superficial and shallow things are most important, be selfish, be impulsive, instant gratification, love is the honeymoon period / butterflies / etc.

 

Like almost every other person within their age group, they are going to want to go do some or all of those things above at some point. When they do, they can't / don't / won't do them while staying in a relationship with you.

 

This is the real reason why (I don't care what BS line your Ex gave you) almost all of you who were dumped by someone who is under the age of 25 or so.

 

Meeting the person you will eventually marry is a PROCESS. You will probably dump / be dumped many more times before you finally meet "the one". See my "A Break Up... Is The Answer To A Question" below in my signature if you want to learn more.

 

Note: If you are one of the unlucky few who are looking for / wanting to meet "the one" when you are in your late teens / early twenties... Dating / Relationships are not going to be a very pleasurable experience for you until you are older and dating people who are around the age of 25 or so.

 

 

 

I understand my thread may have come off as me not liking what has happened (I don't), but it doesn't make any ex's bad because they get GIGS. We live one life for all we know, and from media, family, and more, it is shoved down our throat about finding the one. Obviously, it is a lot of pressure because, especially in today's world, everything moves so FAST.

 

While I agree it is hard, I think dumpees (as long as we weren't cheated on) can't get so mad at them, what if the chairs were switched and we were just unsure? It's not easy being in a relationship. If the dumpees say they truly love their ex's as much as they say they are they will give them their space and also grow themselves and if we meet up again then both will be the better for it.

Appleness Established Member

Appleness

Posted
Posted

Don't play Devil's advocate here OP. You asked a question and people are responding.

 

If you start putting yourself in their shoes, you'll start getting Stockholm Syndrome and trust me, it'll get really ugly really fast. Why? Because you'll start arguing with yourself over something they couldn't care less about (You and your feelings).

 

You said it yourself. This was a 3+ year relationship. How can you suddenly be unsure. It's not dinner where you sit across from someone and see their food and all of a sudden you're not sure you want the steak instead of the chicken.

 

When someone is "suddenly unsure" there's usually someone else in the picture, even if that person is unavailable. As you start reading through other posts, the trend is just so clear.

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notsure252 Member

notsure252

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Don't play Devil's advocate here OP. You asked a question and people are responding.

 

If you start putting yourself in their shoes, you'll start getting Stockholm Syndrome and trust me, it'll get really ugly really fast. Why? Because you'll start arguing with yourself over something they couldn't care less about (You and your feelings).

 

You said it yourself. This was a 3+ year relationship. How can you suddenly be unsure. It's not dinner where you sit across from someone and see their food and all of a sudden you're not sure you want the steak instead of the chicken.

 

When someone is "suddenly unsure" there's usually someone else in the picture, even if that person is unavailable. As you start reading through other posts, the trend is just so clear.

 

 

 

No, no, I understand, trust me. I'm not saying what ex's do is right I was just looking at it as because we broke up isn't the end of the world and just trying to look at another angle of it. With everything there is your story, their story, and the truth. I don't think GIGS is so simple that we can write a four paragraph thing on it and expect it to explain everything. To fully understand something you do have to look at both sides. I'm just adding another aspect to my own personal opinion on the subject.

LoveHurts88 Established Member

LoveHurts88

Posted
Posted
Don't play Devil's advocate here OP. You asked a question and people are responding.

 

If you start putting yourself in their shoes, you'll start getting Stockholm Syndrome and trust me, it'll get really ugly really fast. Why? Because you'll start arguing with yourself over something they couldn't care less about (You and your feelings).

 

You said it yourself. This was a 3+ year relationship. How can you suddenly be unsure. It's not dinner where you sit across from someone and see their food and all of a sudden you're not sure you want the steak instead of the chicken.

 

When someone is "suddenly unsure" there's usually someone else in the picture, even if that person is unavailable. As you start reading through other posts, the trend is just so clear.

 

My ex said she lost feel insane that it's not be us of someone else.. So does that fall in she's interested in someone else?

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