How did you find out?

[GLDheart]

I woke him up in our bed and stuffed a handful of feces in his mouth..

 

wowowow

[so_difficult]

I was with the kids at my parents' place for th weekend while h got some work done at the house. My dad and I had a fight and I came home early. Found women's shoes in the front hallway. Looked downstairs and saw no one. Climbed the stairs. H came running naked out of the bedroom with a terrified look on his face. I never even saw her. I didn't care. She didn't betray me -- he did. Stupidly I'm still here 14 years later but aching to leave.

[2sure]

What species?

 

Think the worst. It's all here on LS. I lost it for awhile. This place literally pulled through the worst.

[Gulf-Delta]

I was in denial for a while but all the signs were there. The texting, the not calling me, all that.

 

It wasn't until we were about to have post-breakup sex that she told me, after I asked her. "I kind of like someone"

 

A couple months later she flat out told me she was "kind of dating someone" but doesn't love him, he's just "different". For whatever reason, I believe she doesn't love him...she did love me, and they barely see each other, but whatever. She still left me for another guy (probably, I'm not totally sure)

 

What.Ever.Bitch.

[anne1707]

Duck Soup

 

If you are so interested in tearing apart the details of my story and putting your own interpretation on it, go ahead and read my old posts which based on posts made elsewhere on LS you already have anyway. However I am not going to indulge you anymore on this. This thread is not about me and I will not let you use this thread as a means of attacking my H or I (again).

[redtail]

I woke him up in our bed and stuffed a handful of feces in his mouth.

 

I'm in awe, really! I wish I had had your style but I just asked my (ex)wife to pack her bags and get out. I didn't even use harsh language!

 

My ex was also a serial cheater, she has cheated on me twice (two different people) before we were married! Color me stupid. I confronted her being distant one evening after 20+ years of being married. She admitted to "talking" to this OM but said there was no sex. Not until we woke up the next morning did she admit to the sex, without me even asking. I of course thought it was my fault she cheated and did everything I could to reconcile. She on the other hand, just got better at hiding it until 8 months later when I saw her journal out laying on the coffee table. Curious, I read it and the evidence of her continued affair was overwhelming. So I confronted her and asked, "Are you still seeing this guy?" and she completely denied any contact. I then said, "I read your journal, does that change your answer?" Her expression completely changed and she asked me "how could you, that is my personal journal?" Yeah well, I guess I'll just have to live with that, but you still need to leave, tonight. And that was it for us.

Edited August 10, 2012 by redtail

[GLDheart]

... I then said, "I read your journal, does that change your answer?" Her expression completely changed and she asked me "how could you, that is my personal journal?" Yeah well, I guess I'll just have to live with that, but you still need to leave, tonight. And that was it for us.

 

Perfect Answer.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Perfect Answer.

Whan your loved one and life partner that you trusted starts to lie and betray you...you'll do almost anything to find the truth. The lies are the worst part.

[GLDheart]

Whan your loved one and life partner that you trusted starts to lie and betray you...you'll do almost anything to find the truth. The lies are the worst part.

 

Agreed. Forget the nasty Physical stuff. The Lies are the reason I will never take her back. Only those closest to you can truly hurt you.

[MammaMia]

Thanks for all the responses.I am pleased my post generated so many answers.

 

Reading through the posts, they all have a common thread: lies.

[g450]

Yes. I guess she figured it was the least she could do after I found out about the affairs...

 

...and surprise...when she tried it, she liked it....

 

Now she keeps it pretty smooth most of the time.

 

My XW used to shave all the time. Loved it. My current wife hasnt yet but its not really an issue because for some odd reason shes not into oral that much. She will do me and even do anal but she doesnt want me down there unless I insist on it. I find that really strange in a woman.

 

I have to ask you though, why are you sticking with her. I would have divorced her after finding out. Unless I had kids with her or something like that.

[seren]

I didn't so much as find out as was told. H told me, had I discovered it, I would have blown an even bigger gasket. Through a lot of hard work introspection and change, we are almost 5 yrs reconciled.

[g450]

In my case I knew something was up since she bought a bed for the spare room that used to be my Sons. It was because I "snored". Then she asked me to change her password on her email account to something I would not know, telling me its for "her privacy". Privacy against me her husband? She also locked up her laptop and I already knew she was talking to old HS friends she met at her reunion an some of them were guys. Hours long conversations late into the night. She started watching Korean romance soap operas for whatever reason. Guess I was no longer romantic. Ill admit that. Hard to be romantic towards somebody who is constantly a bitch to you though.

 

Never did find a smoking gun until two months after our divorce. Emails from her to him telling him how much she loved him. Very painful to find. My gut told me there had to be another guy. I was right. She could never give me a valid reason for why she wanted a divorce except the usual "I dont love you any more" crap. If there is no real reason to leave or divorce then why not stay and at least try to fix the issues? She said it was all her, not me. Apparently she thought not telling me about him would cause me less pain. What a load of BS.

[g450]

And with my current wife I found out that she was seeing her XH behind my back while she was living with me. We were not married and at the time her and her kid were living in my home. She was separated from her H for five years and he was living it up with another woman during that time.

 

She got up early one morning on a weekend and got all dolled up allegedly to return some books and movies to the library in her old hometown. I knew something was up so I went with her. In a panic she texted "it's impossible, g450 is coming with me" but she sent it to my phone instead of his. I told her she needed to make a decision right here and now.

 

It sickens me to think what she was planning but im guessing sex. She never did admit to it. She said they were going to talk about the divorce. Really? Then why not do it in front of me or in public. I was not born yesterday. And later I found out she actually cancelled the divorce and did not tell me. She went back to him after I gave her the ultimatum and I kicked her out. Two weeks later he cheated on her and she wanted me back. Funny how Karma works sometimes.

 

That was two years ago and believe it or not we recently married each other. I do keep my ears to the wall with her but I do trust her now. Just not blindly, like I did with my first wife.

 

With some women it was simply about having a marriage and security and some women will do anything to get that. Especially when there are kids involved. I dont get why she wanted him back because he could never give her any of that. She supported his lazy ass for almost their entire marriage. Who the hell goes back to that? I gave her what she wanted and so far we have been good together. Time will tell.

Edited August 12, 2012 by g450

[canuckprincess]

It took me a long time to figure out what was going on, as I was pretty trusting and naive.

He met her at work, and she started emailing him ( I saw the first email, as he showed it to me and thought it was kind of weird that she'd email him at hoe like that). The emails progressed to Facebook chats, then really long Facebook chats, etc. He painted her as "just a friend", and I believed him, as I trusted him and couldn't understand what possible interest a single woman would have in a married guy.

It went on like that for a while, and finally I'd had enough...I still didn't think that he was cheating, just spending way too much time on line,at the expense of everything else. I asked him to stop and explained why, and he agreed to it, but wanted to take her out for coffee to explain to her why he couldn't chat online anymore ( said she was a "friend" ( pffttt...) and didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Things were weird between us for a few days, but he didn't chat online with her. Then he got an email from her saying she was having some kind of crisis, and he asked if i'd mind if he went to help her...he came back from her place about five hours later and told me the whole "i love you but I'm not in love with you" line, and said he was moving out...guess where he went? ( the first two guesses don't count:laugh:)

He still had to come home to work online ( we have some kind of secured line that he needed for his work) and accidentally left his Facebook logged on when he left the computer...I logged on and there was a letter from him to her that pretty much made everything clear...

 

To this day I still feel like a "grade A moron" for not seeing what was going on in front of me, but I loved ( still do) him and trusted him and thought he felt the same...

 

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, I don't think your a moron I think you just trusted the wrong person. I do give him some credit at least he didn't sneak around behind your back after he said it was over. Some people will say it's over when it's not and the poor bs gets blindsided worse then the first time an affair is discovered. Are they still together and how long ago did he move out?

[g450]

OK I have to ask. What is a "bunny boiler"?

[GLDheart]

OK I have to ask. What is a "bunny boiler"?

 

Fatal Attraction (1987) - IMDb

[MammaMia]

I was wondering what that meant, too

[JRoy]

My W was MIA after work. I called the police, they called her manager. Her manager told the police my W left after her shift ended. What her manager didn't tell the police is that my W was right next to him in his bed at his house.

After she came home in the morning the confrontation went something like "I love him (he was also married) and we are going to get married."

That's the short version. HAD I KNOWN AT THE TIME ABOUT ALL OF HER LIES - I WOULD NOT HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO STAY IN THE MARRIAGE!

[Spark1111]

My W was MIA after work. I called the police, they called her manager. Her manager told the police my W left after her shift ended. What her manager didn't tell the police is that my W was right next to him in his bed at his house.

After she came home in the morning the confrontation went something like "I love him (he was also married) and we are going to get married."

That's the short version. HAD I KNOWN AT THE TIME ABOUT ALL OF HER LIES - I WOULD NOT HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO STAY IN THE MARRIAGE!

 

Or to find her, I'm sure!

[DBella]

H's cell phone ended up in the backseat of my car by accident. My daughter found it and gave it to me, since I had a gut feeling for the longest, I thought going through his phone would clear any doubts and it did! I found text messages, pictures, 14 phone calls in a row from the OW (a little stalkerish if you ask me) and a conversation about taking a cruise. It really surprised me because this OW barely knew my H. She came out of nowhere and in less than a month, they were already messing around and trying to go on a cruise. She knew me and my kids, she would even act nice to me. It really, really took me by surprise.

[Athena]

I think there's been about four D-day's in my M... the first one was when I called my H's work (he was working abroad) and his colleague answered and told me H had gone to England.... I was dumbfounded as I knew nothing about that and I had spoken to H almost every day, incl the day before.

 

A few hours later my H called back to admit that THAT message was intended for his lover, whom he was trying to get rid of, by saying he had left the country... my H had told his colleague that if any woman called for him, to tell her H had left for England... and when I responded by saying that I was his wife, and had spoken to him the day before and knew nothing about that, the gig was up. He then also admitted he had cheated on me years before with a neighbor...

 

Another time I had a strong suspicion he was up to no good and he was acting very strangely for months and months, I would ask him every now and again if he was having another affair, and he would protest and accuse me of not trusting him, and of picking on him unfairly, and that I would never forgive him...

then, when the strong feelings got to be too much, I point blank persisted asking him in a phone call, after a recent visit home where he was acting weird with me, and yes, he finally agreed he HAD been having an affair, in fact he admitted to three women. But one was over a year and a half.

 

Of course I was devastated, but he was very remorseful and begged me for another chance and promised to 'do whatever it takes' blah, blah, blah (in retrospect I see it was only blah blah, not genuine words and promises).

 

A third D-Day was when he returned home after a contract abroad (but he was home every other month for two weeks during this time) and he wanted me to see all his photos of that country... he sat me down and made me look at them, then he took off for Blockbuster to go get some movies for the two of us to watch, well, by the time he returned, I had seen the photos of him and his lover right at the end of hundreds of pictures (he had forgotten they were on there at all) and I told him he can pack his suitcase and go to her... he denied and denied, even after I told him I'd seen the photos of the two of them... he didn't remember which ones and made up lie after lie saying I must be mistaken, he never had a lover, and the woman in the photos must be a friend, blah blah (she was wearing his shirt, naked, waist down and in other photos she was in a black dress, then out of it, then HE was in it! showing off his erection through the tight dress... they were fooling around)... I told him I simply didn't care anymore, he was free to go, of course he didn't want to go.

 

After that, there was yet ANOTHER admission to a few weeks affair, while he was abroad, and that was purely on my gut feeling, and I got physically sick over it, I felt it that strongly, finally he confessed I was right, but he had gotten rid of her.

 

I keep him at arm's length from my heart. I see him as a family member. I have slept with him a little, but more often than not I have not as I have been disgusted by him. I have detached from him, and am moving on. He knows this. He is undoubtedly still effing other women whenever he can, because if he was cheating on our M during all the GOOD years, then I am sure he is still doing it now, when I have distanced myself!

 

He cheated in the past without reason.

He cheated on his first wife several times in the 6 years they were married, and she dumped him as soon as he admitted all his affairs to her.

I thought he had learned his lesson and trusted him when he swore he would never do that again. I was in love with him. I was 21 years old when we married. We had kids together. I hate giving up on people I love.

It is what it is.

[Athena]

Oh, yeah! one of the D-days was brought about because I caught him in mid-lie, where he disappeared from the face of the earth for a few days, and I couldn't locate him, not even at work... then I was told at work that he had booked those days off! So I knew he had gone somewhere in secret.

 

He eventually called me, I told him I was worried and had left him messages everywhere, and he said (in a pathetic sick little voice) that he was feeling sick and had been in his bed for the past few days... yeah, right, and I guess he just had a FEELING he would be getting sick and had booked those days off work, right?

 

Anyway, I told him I didn't believe him because I had called his landlord (my H didn't know that I had asked the landlord directly for HIS number the last trip I made there to visit... ) and had him check my H's bedroom (H was renting a room in that house) and the landlord said the bed was empty, and the bathroom... my H was not there... so when H claimed he was lying sick in bed, I hung up, called the landlord, made him go knock on the door again, enter, look around, and AGAIN, the bed was empty... H called me back to continue his lies, I asked him WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW? he said sick in his bed, where he had been for the last three days... I said, REALLY? I JUST had your landlord check in on you and your bed is empty.... H put the phone down on me and thought up a new story in the four hours he took to get back to me... incl that his cell phone battery died (so plug it in if you are home, right?) and that he was lying drunk in the basement of his workplace for a few days, too embarrassed to admit that in the first place... ha ha ha.... liars lie.

 

I told him that I KNEW that was a lie too, since the basement of his workplace was also where their tiny little gym was, and in the past, he was NEVER able to get cell phone reception there, so it was a lie that he was lying on the floor in the basement talking to me on his cell phone!

 

It took several months for him to finally admit that he had lied about that incident and that he HAD gone away for a few days vacation with his lover.... and he only admitted it because I refused to see him again, I didn't allow him to meet up with me for the family vacation in my mother's beach house, and every time he came home to see the kids, I moved out and went to stay at my brother's house. I only spoke to him on the phone, and refused to see him. It took a long time for him to apologize, and he still kept up elements of the lie, until a year later, and each lie was only given up because of my skills at keeping parts of his story, which clashed, up front and would challenge his lies when he tried to hold onto them.

 

Yes, the common thread is LIES.

Edited September 3, 2012 by Athena

[losingmyground]

Good old facebook. Then outlook express without a password. Of course it had all ended by time I figured it out.

[2sure]

This is the saddest thread Ive ever read, I dont know why I came back to it today..but its a trigger for sure.

 

I think all new BS should read it so they know they arent alone, that we are real people.

 

I think APs should read it , so that they know we are real people with real feelings..