2sure Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 When a mans wife has a PA, it hurts him much more than an EA. For women, it's the opposite. The EA part of an affair hurts more. Now, take that further. When a man has an EA, it doesn't mean as much to him , he might not even feel like it was real cheating. So, if his wife has EA, it would be easier to forgive. For women, the opposite still holds true. If she has a PA just for sex...it didn't mean much to her.But for her H, it's everything. So, it's different and we can know that...but it's hard to come to terms with...because we're different. My x was a serial cheater...sex with many different women. Of course I had to leave him...but in the midst of it all, it was never the sex that bothered me. It was the conversations they had at dinner. 1
Spark1111 Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 When a mans wife has a PA, it hurts him much more than an EA. For women, it's the opposite. The EA part of an affair hurts more. Now, take that further. When a man has an EA, it doesn't mean as much to him , he might not even feel like it was real cheating. So, if his wife has EA, it would be easier to forgive. For women, the opposite still holds true. If she has a PA just for sex...it didn't mean much to her.But for her H, it's everything. So, it's different and we can know that...but it's hard to come to terms with...because we're different. My x was a serial cheater...sex with many different women. Of course I had to leave him...but in the midst of it all, it was never the sex that bothered me. It was the conversations they had at dinner. It is always those moments with our spouse that we cherish the most that just kills when we discover it has been shared with their OW/OM. For men, our body parts, our moves, ourdistinctive touches; for women, the rituals and practices that allow are hearts to emotionally connect.
GLDheart Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) For me the two sides EA and PA are of the same coin. They are equal and equally hurtful. The way I saw the world was: Her and I first, then our immediate families just outside that, our close friends, then more removed families, coworkers, and less close friends. It was us against the world! To find out someone was way up inside that inner circle is such a deep betrayal. The PA part leaves her tainted to me. I'm the kind of guy that won't even share a beverage with a friend, let alone put my mouth where someone else has been. Being 100% intimate (ie fluids etc.) does not come easy for me. I lost it all when she chose to have an affair. Edited August 10, 2012 by GLDheart
losingmyground Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 I think that I could deal with a ONS better than I dealt with an EA. Having an EA takes a lot of time away from the BS. At least with an ONS it is pure hormones. Then again, he would not have had sex with me until I found out the results of an STD. Both for him and I.
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