knelson Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 Hi everyone, this is my first time ever doing this so here I go..... My boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 months, and it's my longest relationship. He's three years older then me, and he's ready to plan our whole lives together. But the problem is I'm only 16. And when we start talking about getting married and having kids, I say that I can't wait, but I'm not for sure if that's what I really want. For the past three weeks, I've been picking fights over everything. I don't know what is going on between us anymore. No matter what he does or say I find something to start an argument over it. Is that normal. I've been in many stages where I could just tell him that it's over, but I can't because I'm too close to his family. And if we brake up I don't want his family to be mad at me, his little niece calls me aunt. Please someone, could you give me some good advice? greatly appreciated, KNelson
Emily55555 Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 I think that it would be a good idea to tell him that hes going too fast and marriage is a huge step that a 16 year old girl shouldn't even have to think about. Tell him you are not ready for that kind of commitment and thats its okay for him to plan out his future but you would like to do some planning of your own. Oh yea and Yes it is normal to pick fights over everything, becuase the way i see it hes being controlling and you need to take some control over your own life. If you want to break up with him just tell him you have your own plans for yourself and he can't get in your way. His family will get over it eventually. Good luck with your decision!
Kizzyfur Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 Originally posted by Emily55555 I think that it would be a good idea to tell him that hes going too fast and marriage is a huge step that a 16 year old girl shouldn't even have to think about. Tell him you are not ready for that kind of commitment and thats its okay for him to plan out his future but you would like to do some planning of your own. I agree with this. You need to talk to him and BE HONEST with him about your feelings. Oh yea and Yes it is normal to pick fights over everything, becuase the way i see it hes being controlling and you need to take some control over your own life. It's normal, but I don't agree that he's being controlling. You're probably picking fights because you're trying to indirectly distance yourself from him and avoid the truth. Sounds like you're afraid that if you tell him the truth about how you feel that he'll be hurt. I don't agree that he's being controlling as you admit that you agree with him when he starts making plans for a future with you. "And when we start talking about getting married and having kids, I say that I can't wait, but I'm not for sure if that's what I really want." You need to be HONEST with him. I don't know why you're causing such a rift between the two of you. If you're not ready to discuss marriage TELL HIM. Quit agreeing with him, telling him you can't wait, then start fights with him. It's not wrong for you not to know what you want at this point in your life. You're too young to be worrying about marriage right now. Finish school, go to college, work on a career, then think about making a family.
RoboHobo Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 Kizzyfur is exactly right. No-one can expect more from you than your honesty, and there is nothing more important than it in a relationship.
Author knelson Posted July 15, 2004 Author Posted July 15, 2004 Thanks all of you guys, I think I'm just going to have to tell him the truth and what ever comes out of it is probably the right thing. Next question how can I say it, do I just bring it up, or do I tell him on the phone, or do I write it in a letter? I'm for sure gonna tell him that he's going too fast, and that I'm not ready to be planning my whole life out, and that I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. ALL of you make it sound so easy, I wish I would of found out about this site sooner. With all appreciation, KNelson
RoboHobo Posted July 15, 2004 Posted July 15, 2004 Hey, don't worry, it isn't ever easy. From the perspective of an outsider it becomes clearer because they aren't fogged by all the emotions that are swirling around. My advice is to tell him in person, it shows him respect and it is much more personal. A impersonal breakup can be entirely devastating. I'm glad you found the site eventually, it's good to have you here.
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