Rebounds

[Car10e]

Rebound Relationship: Why Do Men Move On So Fast After A Split?

 

 

It talks about men, but women do it also. Just thought I'd share.

[BrokenAnna]

Good read...however what are the chances of a rebound actually working out? I have read so many people actually getting engaged weeks after a breakup and wondered if they truly last

[jackiki]

Good read! I rebounded in about 2 months after my breakup, but would not have done it if the girl I am with now is not close to perfect!

 

rebounds statistically tend to fail, but the duration varies.

[BrokenAnna]

Good read! I rebounded in about 2 months after my breakup, but would not have done it if the girl I am with now is not close to perfect!

 

rebounds statistically tend to fail, but the duration varies.

 

Not sure if it is true but heard that the faster the rebound relationship is moving the bigger is the chances of it failing. I had sex with a friend after my breakup and for me it was the worst and most emotional experience ever as I felt dirty and if I were betraying my ex.

[jackiki]

the faster the rebound relationship is moving the bigger is the chances of it failing.

 

Well one of my ex's was on a break when we started dating (on her bf's request)! She was definitely rebounding with me! I even had to endure at that time all the breakup drama between them. We ended up moving in together after 3 months or so, and the relationship was intense, but still it lasted for another couple of years, but was doomed to fail.

 

Hence, early intensity versus short duration in a rebound relationship could be correlated, but exceptions can always be found.

[Car10e]

Well one of my ex's was on a break when we started dating (on her bf's request)! She was definitely rebounding with me! I even had to endure at that time all the breakup drama between them. We ended up moving in together after 3 months or so, and the relationship was intense, but still it lasted for another couple of years, but was doomed to fail.

 

Hence, early intensity versus short duration in a rebound relationship could be correlated, but exceptions can always be found.

 

 

Interesting...Did she ever bring up her ex bf while she was with you? Did it bother you at all?

[jackiki]

Interesting...Did she ever bring up her ex bf while she was with you? Did it bother you at all?

 

For sure! During the first couple of months it was all about him, but after we decided to move in together...I believe she drew a line in the sand. She stayed in contact with him for a while afterwards through emails, but it did not bother me much! Maybe she kept thinking of him as well (was not sure), but the intensity of our relationship overshadowed it quickly.

[BrokenAnna]

For sure! During the first couple of months it was all about him, but after we decided to move in together...I believe she drew a line in the sand. She stayed in contact with him for a while afterwards through emails, but it did not bother me much! Maybe she kept thinking of him as well (was not sure), but the intensity of our relationship overshadowed it quickly.

 

Sorry for asking but how long were you two together? and did she go back to him?

[Car10e]

For sure! During the first couple of months it was all about him, but after we decided to move in together...I believe she drew a line in the sand. She stayed in contact with him for a while afterwards through emails, but it did not bother me much! Maybe she kept thinking of him as well (was not sure), but the intensity of our relationship overshadowed it quickly.

 

 

My ex bf started seeing someone he works with literally the week we broke up. We dated for 4 1/2 years, and I find it impossible for him to just drop me that quickly.

[jackiki]

Sorry for asking but how long were you two together? and did she go back to him?

 

This story is quiet history now! If I remember right it was about 2 years and 2 months. We ended up moving to another country in a year or so, but she returned back after our breakup, while I stayed abroad. I have heard from others that they were in contact again as soon as she returned, but she ended up being with someone else.

[jackiki]

My ex bf started seeing someone he works with literally the week we broke up. We dated for 4 1/2 years, and I find it impossible for him to just drop me that quickly.

 

I just skimmed through your posts! Sorry to hear that. but as the article you just posted suggested, it is his own way of healing (that is, he is already moving forward).

But regardless if the rebound relationship ends soon or not, do you really want to be with him anymore? it is a hard question to answer, I know, but as soon as you do, this will determine if you should embark on the moving on and healing journey (which i recommend), or by waiting for him desperately to come back to you!

 

you have zero control over his decision, but you have full control over yours. By really realizing this, the questions you are seeking or hoping to answer become irrelevant. and that will make you feel much better

[Car10e]

I just skimmed through your posts! Sorry to hear that. but as the article you just posted suggested, it is his own way of healing (that is, he is already moving forward).

But regardless if the rebound relationship ends soon or not, do you really want to be with him anymore? it is a hard question to answer, I know, but as soon as you do, this will determine if you should embark on the moving on and healing journey (which i recommend), or by waiting for him desperately to come back to you!

 

you have zero control over his decision, but you have full control over yours. By really realizing this, the questions you are seeking or hoping to answer become irrelevant. and that will make you feel much better

 

Thats the thing. Part of me doesn't but part of me does. He mentioned before we broke up while we were on a break that maybe we both need to see other people to help us realize what we want. I agree. He's just testing it out a lot sooner than me.

[mike588]

Rebound Relationship: Why Do Men Move On So Fast After A Split?

 

 

It talks about men, but women do it also. Just thought I'd share.

 

I was my ex. g/fs rebound. We were friends from many many years ago then reconnected about 2 years ago. She was just a month or so out of a relationship (he walked out) and she mentioned she still had feelings for him... a HUGE red flag I ignored...stupid me!!

 

She assured me then re-assured me MANY times it was over between them and we dated for a year then out of the blue she dumps me for him.

 

She told me I was everything wonderful that he wasn't....that she loved me and I was so great/good to her.

 

It was a year ago yesterday that she dumped me and am sooooo glad to be over her and the b/u.

[jackiki]

we both need to see other people to help us realize what we want.

 

and it seems he already knew what he wants, and it is her!

Only you know what has been going between the both of you before the break. Take your time and think about it, fully analyze it , and try to draw the connections that led to the decision of taking a break, and his actions of picking up the girl he is with right now immediately afterwards. Nothing happens that fast out of the blue.

 

As for the story I shared earlier, I already knew the girl while she was with him, and I was attracted to her, she also was interested in me. So the break he requested was actually because he felt that she is distancing herself from him. So what I am trying to say is that everything made sense, and I knew even during the first couple of months of our relationship while she was still in contact with him, that no way she was going to get back with him!

 

Anyways, eventually by waiting too long, you automatically start moving on without realizing it. The downside of not making your mind about it, is that you are going to allow yourself more time to hurt.

[Car10e]

I was my ex. g/fs rebound. We were friends from many many years ago then reconnected about 2 years ago. She was just a month or so out of a relationship (he walked out) and she mentioned she still had feelings for him... a HUGE red flag I ignored...stupid me!!

 

She assured me then re-assured me MANY times it was over between them and we dated for a year then out of the blue she dumps me for him.

 

She told me I was everything wonderful that he wasn't....that she loved me and I was so great/good to her.

 

It was a year ago yesterday that she dumped me and am sooooo glad to be over her and the b/u.

 

 

Aw I'm sorry. I'm kinda hoping that will happen to me. Don't know if I will take him back, but I want him to realize what he had and what he missed out on.

[mike588]

Aw I'm sorry. I'm kinda hoping that will happen to me. Don't know if I will take him back, but I want him to realize what he had and what he missed out on.

 

I felt that way too (realize what she had) for a LONG time! Now I really don't give a rats ass!

 

She did contact me 6 months after dumping me saying how very sorry she was for hurting me...she regrets it and she thinks about me everyday...how good I was to her blah blah blah.

 

I would of taken her back the first few months but now..... No FRIGGIN WAY!!! Her loss!

[Xestenz]

Good for you Mike! It turned out that I was a rebound guy as well, even though she had been split from her husband for a year and a half! Sometimes the wounds, memories, and feelings just go too deep I suppose.

 

I would have easily recognized the signs of this knowing what I know now (things moved way too fast, she always controlled the tempo, she always talked about and complained about her ex, she always had a reason why she couldn't fully commit to me, and then it ended 'out of the blue' and she cowardly did it by text and never faced me, etc.)

 

I was completely shocked at the time of the breakup, and it has actually been Loveshack and reading about other people's experiences that has fully explained what happened and why.

 

The good news is that I will ask the right questions, pay attention to all the signs, and never expose my heart to someone who hasn't yet healed from a prior relationship (if such a thing is even possible!) Not sure if this knowledge was worth a shattered heart, but it is what it is...

[mike588]

Good for you Mike! It turned out that I was a rebound guy as well, even though she had been split from her husband for a year and a half! Sometimes the wounds, memories, and feelings just go too deep I suppose.

 

I would have easily recognized the signs of this knowing what I know now (things moved way too fast, she always controlled the tempo, she always talked about and complained about her ex, she always had a reason why she couldn't fully commit to me, and then it ended 'out of the blue' and she cowardly did it by text and never faced me, etc.)

 

I was completely shocked at the time of the breakup, and it has actually been Loveshack and reading about other people's experiences that has fully explained what happened and why.

 

The good news is that I will ask the right questions, pay attention to all the signs, and never expose my heart to someone who hasn't yet healed from a prior relationship (if such a thing is even possible!) Not sure if this knowledge was worth a shattered heart, but it is what it is...

 

Yeah same here... I'll also be sure to watch out for any red flags early on in my next relationship.Any... I still have feelings for my ex. and/or she talks/complains (as my ex. did too) about her ex. I'm OUTTA there..See Ya!!!

 

Live and learn I guess?

Edited August 8, 2012 by mike588

[Car10e]

I felt that way too (realize what she had) for a LONG time! Now I really don't give a rats ass!

 

She did contact me 6 months after dumping me saying how very sorry she was for hurting me...she regrets it and she thinks about me everyday...how good I was to her blah blah blah.

 

I would of taken her back the first few months but now..... No FRIGGIN WAY!!! Her loss!

 

 

Thats exactly how I feel! I keep telling my friends I feel like right now I would be able to take him back because the feelings are still there, but the longer he waits, I will get over him.

 

But he does have to contact me soon, because we split season tickets for the upcoming hockey season which starts at the end of September. He either has to give me my money back, or give me the tickets I paid for. So its not like he can just drop me out of his life, like he has been doing lately.

[mike588]

Thats exactly how I feel! I keep telling my friends I feel like right now I would be able to take him back because the feelings are still there, but the longer he waits, I will get over him.

 

But he does have to contact me soon, because we split season tickets for the upcoming hockey season which starts at the end of September. He either has to give me my money back, or give me the tickets I paid for. So its not like he can just drop me out of his life, like he has been doing lately.

 

Don't use the hockey tickets as an "excuse" to contact him... let him contact you! Your healing and moving on are wayyyy more important than the tickets.

 

Since he has dropped you out of his life..or has chosen to..give it to him...disappear..move on. Do you really want someone like this in your life...your future??

[Xestenz]

Yeah same here... I'll also be sure to watch out for any red flags early on in my next relationship.Any... I still have feelings for my ex. and/or she talks/complains (as my ex. did too) about her ex. I'm OUTTA there..See Ya!!!

 

Live and learn I guess?

 

If your situation was like mine it is doubly frustrating in that so much of the right pieces were in place for something really, really good. There was (or seemed to be?) real chemistry, attraction, good physical fit, great communication, a lot of shared interests, similar taste in music, shared values, etc.

 

So much of this is so hard to find! And it all comes to nothing in the end because of something that happened years ago. Damn.

 

Yep, live and learn -- what else can you do?

[mike588]

If your situation was like mine it is doubly frustrating in that so much of the right pieces were in place for something really, really good. There was (or seemed to be?) real chemistry, attraction, good physical fit, great communication, a lot of shared interests, similar taste in music, shared values, etc.

 

So much of this is so hard to find! And it all comes to nothing in the end because of something that happened years ago. Damn.

 

Yep, live and learn -- what else can you do?

 

Yep I felt the same way. Again we were friends many years ago and I always liked her but during that time either she had a b/f or I had a g/f and the timing always seemed to be off.

 

When we reconnected I thought wow this is great...this is perfect.. we already knew each other and both felt so comfortable "hooking up".

 

Because of that and tons of similar interests we shared.... talking/laugfing about the 'good old days" and how amazing that we were together I thought I'd found my girl....... WRONG!!

 

I realized shortly after being dumped I was her "emotional bandaid" after her breakup with her ex. and as soon as he reappeared back in her life she was gone!!

 

I did take some comfort knowing it wasn't easy for her..the choice she had to make but she went back to someone she was still "In Love" with (him) and not to be with me....someone she just loved....Big difference.

[Car10e]

Don't use the hockey tickets as an "excuse" to contact him... let him contact you! Your healing and moving on are wayyyy more important than the tickets.

 

Since he has dropped you out of his life..or has chosen to..give it to him...disappear..move on. Do you really want someone like this in your life...your future??

 

 

I'm not gonna let him have my half of the tickets that I already paid for, thats a lot of money. We have already talked about it, and he basically told me he doesn't have the money to give back to me, so we can decide who gets which tickets. I just told him let me know about the tickets when we broke up. We haven't spoken since and I don't plan on contacting him about them. However, if he doesn't contact me and the season has already started, I'm gonna let him know I want my tickets.