Deadend Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Hello Loveshack, Long story short I met a girl from OLD and we texted for a few days. I asked her out and she said quite possibly and that was it. I took it as she wasn't interested so I let it go. About two weeks later I messaged her again to see if she was still interested and to my surprise she was. She told me that when I asked her out last time she was kinda waiting to see how things played out with another guy. I didn't care for that answer, but at least she was honest. So we went out for some miniature golf and things went well. There were no awkwad moments or weird silences. The conversation just flowed the entire time. Anyways the second date rolls around and we were having fun again laughing and everything and the last ten minutes on the drive back to drop her off something just seemed to change. She was acting all weird and I wasn't sure what was going on. After I dropped her off I texted her that I had a fun time with her and would like to go out again. She responded saying that she had fun too and thanks for everything. Now she has vanished although she is still active with the OLD. No calls and no response to my text I sent her. I've got the same feeling that I had before my ex broke up with me so I'm not sure what to think right now. I'm totally fine if she's not intereted but would it hurt to at least tell me? Anyways, I'm just wondering why she would vanish like that even when we had so much fun together? All thoughts and opinions welcome! Thanks!
Vintage79 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I've had this happen enough times to me. Somehow, I actually managed to coax a seemingly honest answer out of one of the girls. The answer was essentially, that she had fun, but wasn't feeling the romantic relationship thing with me - which truthfully, was fine. She didn't say if it was due to looks, my personality, or how I treated her...it was probably one of those, but I don't know which. With OLD, while many women will tell you that they are fine with friends, they really aren't - they want to date a guy, and if they don't feel it, they vanish. Therein lies one of the challenges with OLD - there are so many people to choose from, that you never really give people a second or third chance - and while you can connect with someone on a first date or two, it takes a bit more time to create a substantive bond. As such, you need crazy chemistry on that first date or two, otherwise - poof - they don't respond to messages and you're left scratching your head. Just don't let it bother you and move on. If you're curious or still interested, just send her another text/message/call in a week or two/whenever, and if she doesn't respond , take the cue. If you keep contacting her, you just keep yourself in the wrong headspace, which makes it challenging to move onto someone who will better respond, respect your time and better appreciate what you can offer. A major fault with a lot of guys (and probably women too - but I'm not one of those) is thinking that everyone should connect/get along - it's just not true - a real connection is relatively rare. 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) I agree with Vantage. Women doing OLD tend to have so many options, or rather at least the ILLUSION of so many options (due to the sheer volume of email coming their way) that many of them will not proceed further if they don't have "that feeling" early on. In a way it isn't the best strategy because oftentimes, the guys who make the strongest first impressions are players while the guys who would make the best boyfriends aren't the most exciting guys in the world. Common courtesy isn't that common in OLD. The nice thing for the girl to do is to text you to let you know that she isn't interested. Many of them won't do that because (a) she doesn't want to feel like a bad person by "insulting" you by telling you she isn't interested; (b) she used to get back to guys but they kept haggling her for an answer/another chance/insulting her and so she decided to avoid all that by disappearing; © the last few guys she was into disappeared on her so why does she owe the guys she sees a response. The time for you to have said something was the last 10 minutes of you last date: "Hey are you alright?". Actually if you are sure you want to see her again you ought to say so at the end of your current date and see how she responds. You got a second date so you must have done something right with this one in the meantime. Edited August 8, 2012 by Imajerk17
Xestenz Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I would suggest what happened is that the other guy she was waiting for came around...
Author Deadend Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm just going to move on from this one and count it as another learning experience. If she messages me great, if not, I'm happy that she did this on the second date and not a couple of months into it. I'm sure there is another girl out there who's right for me!
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