edgecrusher96 Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 I've heard that it's usually girls who want to stay friends after a failed relationship, whereas guys don't. If this is true, why do you think this is so? Is it because guys only miss the physical intimacy in a relationship without missing the actual person they used to be with? Females want to keep friendships because they value the communication and sharing of thoughts that took place in the relationship and also because they have 'peace-making' tendencies, whereas guys only really miss the physical experiences and the hormonal highs, so when a relationship ends, guys reckon that there's no point in continuing to have anything to do with the girl because her body is off limits. What do you think? Can you suggest any other reasons, assuming the assumption in the first sentence is actually true?
ntovrhm Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 As a girl, I've never actually been a big fan of the staying friends thing. If it can happen, great, but most of the time, whether girl or boy, one person cares more than the other, and will get hurt. Maybe after some time, when both have moved on they can be friends, but how fair is that really to the next person they are with. Just out of a relationship about a month and half, and after just having a normal conversation with my ex, I think maybe it can happen someday, but I don't know. I just feel that if they liked me more than I liked them, it's just hurtful to keep in touch and lead them on. And if you liked them more, and they broke up with you, then they don't deserve your companionship anymore, or that if you got along that well, then you should still be together. Maybe eventually when the emotions aren't involved, it can work, but otherwise, it's either mean or masocistic to stay that close.
capitald Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 I think its a self-respect thing, if I am not good enough to be your mate, your not good enough to have my friendship, touche'.
Author edgecrusher96 Posted July 16, 2004 Author Posted July 16, 2004 This board is obviously mostly populated by angry dumpees. How can people say that they care about someone so much, then effectively regard them as enemies once the relationship's over? I know it's probably not a good idea to be too close friends with exes and certainly not straight after a breakup, but I think it's quite spiteful to refuse to have anything to do with a person just because they didn't reciprocate the romantic interest you had in them. But then again, emotion is the opposite of reason. A person high on drugs probably makes more rational decisions than a person madly in love.
RoboHobo Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 I must say that I'm with edgecrusher96 on this. I don't know about the people here being angry but I think a friendship is a good thing if both parties want it. I definitely want a friendship with my ex, and I can't wait to speak to her again although I can't for a while because she asked me for some space. Everybody is different though and so I suppose we do what we feel most comfortable with. ntovrhm has a good point though, one person usually does care more. You just need to decide what that person means to you, for me I love my ex so much that I want her in my life at least as a friend. She is also my best friend and I want my best friend back.
popvix Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 As much as i get on with my now Ex girlfriend better than ive ever gotten on with anyone, and she is the same with me..... i dont want any kind of friendship with the woman from now on. The points covered here are completely right - she wants everything non physical and none of the things that made us a couple, but wants to leave me in order to experience a physical relationship with other people. The original statement is partly true - i dont want to be friends with someone i cant share myself with have what we once had, there is just too much history between us for me to consider that person in a positive light - i doubt she could say anything to me without it in some way upsetting me for the fact that anything she says and does from that point on is done in the context of the life she now has after she broke my heart in a shallow way and for some pretty badly thought out reasons. Another issue, is out of respect to the next person she/he ends up with. I know i would be highly annoyed if my girlfriend of boyfriend was maintaining a very close friendship with an ex. If she didnt know the person for a long time then i would question what kind of cheap thrills she was maintaining that relationship for, and if it was a long term partner, i would question why she felt the need to maintain that relationship with someone else while still being with me. I guess i might be a little extreme, but im very much a "one guy, one girl" (or one boy, one boy ... one girl, one girl) kind of person at heart - as much as this is a modern world, I do believe that you should make your choices in life to be with someone... and class those as your exclusive ones. If anything i dont think we're doing quite well in society right now with openness for the sake of openness - when you open one book, you have to close the old one and just leave it behind you.
dassme Posted July 16, 2004 Posted July 16, 2004 My opinion on this whole friendship thing after a breakup is that you need time to heal and get over your ex before there is any chance of you being friends. There's no way I can continue any type of contact with my ex unless I want to continue being hurt. I've learned that through my past relationships and it made me stronger. I'm not saying to burn bridges with your ex but rather inform them that at this time a friendship relationship is quite hard to fathom. Trust me, they would understand cause if they initiated the break up, they know how hurt you would be. I myself am in that situation right now. My ex recently broke up with me and it hurts like hell. She wants to be friends and all but I told I just couldn't at this point. There's just too much feelings involved. Anyway, time heals all wounds and if a friendship is to come after that point by all means go for it! As for edgecrusher96 wondering if girls are willing to be friends more than guys, I believe it's true. All my past GF's have wanted to stay friends after the break up. Can't really say why cause they're "WOMEN!!" ARGH!!! LOL!!!
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