outofgoodbyes Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 So me and this guy started talking last year and over time became really good friends. He has always been a flirt, even when he was dating someone else. After a few months of chasing, the time was finally right that we were both single so we started dating. The first month was really amazing. He was very affectionate and I felt that he was deeply into me. At first, we did everything according to my time. I dated around before because I couldn't commit and for some reason, I felt that I was ready with him. I started to make more time to see him. We saw each other everyday and everything was bliss. We took random road trips, we ate at fancy restaurants, I allowed him to touch my soul by letting him into my life. Every morning, I long for him the minute I leave his house. I was addicted and without him, even for a few minutes, I felt myself having withdrawals and wishing he was near again. And for this time, I could bet you my life he felt the same. During this time however, he constantly stayed on his phone texting girls that he's friends with, including his exes. At first, it was easy to ignore but after a while, it got too old. Spending the day at Disneyland, with him texting half the time would get very frustrating for me. We would get into tiny arguments about them. I would shut down and he would get frustrated that I was upset and he didnt know why. We always made up. This happened regularly, I would ignore the constant text messaging up until I cant anymore, then we start arguing again. One day, i saw that he invited a girl over to watch movies at his house and he feels thats ok as long as its platonic and I needed to trust him. I also noticed that he's been texting his exes how much he misses them - which of course, he says is nothing wrong because "you can miss a person, cant you?" That was another argument and of course, we ended up just agreeing to disagree. There was nothing I can do. We tried to talk about commitment and he says that he doesnt want to and that I should learn to read between the lines. He doesnt want any titles but that he has a great track record. He just got out of an 8 year relationship with his fiance last year and felt that he doesnt want to be bound by any rules. Slowly, his affection started dying out. We saw each other everyday still but he never seems excited to see me anymore. The loving texts were gone, the honeymoon stage was over. My gut always had this feeling and I kept it in me daily and I felt that it was hurting me internally. I started being the one to make the plans and he would just agree. I knew in the back of my head something was wrong. However, he started introducing me to his close circle of friends. We started hanging out with his twin brother more, going on double dates. He went to my best friend's wedding with me and I introduced him to my boss, who is one of my fatherly figures. We spend our first holiday together, 4th of July and he introduces me to his whole entire family. Those were days that we were good - the rest, he was distant and aloof. It felt like there was a wall between us and when my gut couldnt take it anymore, I mustered up all the courage i had to bring it up. "I think I like you more than you like me." And, he agreed. He told me he wanted to take a break from me, at first because he doesnt know what he wants. Two nights ago, I sat him down and I listened to him break everything down. He said he doesnt want to be with me in a relationship but loves my company as a friend. He wants me to move on. He says he wants to be single because hes been in a relationship for so long and wants to experience everything before settling down. He says he likes me but there is something missing and that something is very important to him - but he doesnt know what. He is willing to risk losing me to find what hes looking for. He kept reiterating that he has no feelings for me whatsoever. They were there once and now theyre gone. He said that me getting bugged constantly by girls he texted turned him off because I use to be so confident and never let that bother me. That I should have known I was the one, no matter what. He says he is completely done with our relationship and he wanted to be brutally honest because he thinks I keep myself around due to false hope. He says he wishes he never crossed the boundary of being friends because thats all he really wants from me. He still texts me everyday. Every hour just to see how im doing and how my day is going. He says he still wants me to hang out, go to Disneyland, do movie nights - he doesnt want to lose me. He says its all friendly and he says things like "over my dead body, no one can replace me.." But I cant help but feel a little sense of hope... a little bit of something everytime I hear from him. I dont know what to do. Honestly, I wish my feelings for him would just go away so we can start out as friends again but I know deep inside, I want so much more. I dont want to lose him as a friend and I miss the way we were. I dont know if I should do the NC. He says he will accept my decision if I did the NC because he knows that his indecision costed us our friendship. But at the same time, I am afraid to let him go completely because Im losing more than a lover... What do i do? Sorry this is super long!
Mike_d Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 doesn't read like he was ever fully in, he wanted to keep all options open. I know that if there was someone that I really dug and was fully into the rest of the options fall off the table immediately since they catch zero of my interest. he texts you everyday, as well as all the others, he is a text boi. he doesn't want to lose any of his text harem. doesn't seem like he is fighting for you much if he'll just accept your NC without trying to offer something that will fix the issue, nor does he want to drop the harem. you can have him, but you'd be stuck with a non-commit who doesn't seem to be sensitive to his partners needs. is that what you want?
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