PinkInTheLimo Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I had a date a couple of weeks ago with a man who was interesting and attractive but I really thought he drank a lot during our first date. We went for a drink on a sunny terrace on a Sunday afternoon and were talking for 3,5 hours. During that time he drank 4 glasses of white wine. Did not seem to be drunk but for me that's a lot of alcohol, especially when you are not eating anything. I mean, if I drink 4 glasses of white wine I'd have a serious hangover the next day. BTW, he was there by car. Driving after having had alcohol is a big no-no for me. I also thought his body showed marks of being a regular drinker (unhealthy skin and especially a serious belly for an otherwise tall and slim man). After the date, I emailed him that I did not want a second date because I thought he drank too much. What's up with this drinking of older people? It sometimes shocks me how men don't seem to be able to be without alcohol when I date. If you have dinner, then a glass of wine is appropriate but if they expect me to share a bottle of wine with them, that's simply too much alcohol for me. When I was younger I liked to go out to have a couple of beers but with age I can simply no longer physically process alcohol. It makes me feel horrible, I feel like a zombie, it affects my sleep in a bad way, I become cranky. And I don't need it at all. Feel much better drinking some herbal tea in the evening rather than a glass of wine. But I have the impression that a lot of men simply can't get through the day without having had some alcohol. Any (older) women having the same impression?
iris219 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I agree that 4 glasses of wine on a Sunday afternoon is way too much. I wouldn't necessarily write the guy off immediately though. Maybe he was nervous and doesn't usually drink that much. I meet a lot of male alcoholics/heavy drinkers in their 30s and 40s. It's probably why they're single.
Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 4 glasses of wine over 3-5 HOURS is NOT a lot, IMO... and I'm very sensitive to alcoholics (I seem to think everyone who drinks more than I do is one). Men are also able to drink more than women. What might knock you over might only make him buzzed. 2
FitChick Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I date British men who tend to drink more than Americans but they seem to be able to hold their liquor. It must be genetic from back in the days when children drank beer because it was safer than water. Same with the French I suppose. However, a few years ago I dated a man who drank a bottle of white wine a day. White is not even the "healthy" wine that red is. He was far from healthy. I can see someone being nervous and needing booze to relax but drinking more than two glasses when you are out doesn't look good.
Author PinkInTheLimo Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 On the basis of his looks, I had the feeling that he was a regular drinker. I thought about it for a couple of days because I thought he was interesting. But the drinking combined with driving smells of not being responsible. And I don't want to have fights in a relationship over the alcohol consumption of my partner. Nor have to deal with him not being able to perform in bed because he had too many drinks. Dating when you're over 40: trying to find a man that is "normal" = not a slob, not addict... Mission impossible?
fucpcg Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Heavy drinking goes on in all age groups, and I'm sure 20's tops the chart. Some thrive on drinking and partying, some hate it. There's plenty of people from all age groups in AA and Al-Anon meetings, not to mention Ala-Teen. Those that don't grow out of it in their 20's tend to keep that lifestyle for a lifetime. I personally hate alcohol anymore. I had a broken relationship over alcohol with my last ex, and between that and spending time listening to stories in the Al-Anon meetings I went to, I could care less if I ever had a beer again, or wine, or whatever. You would never find me getting drunk on a first date, and though I might have a drink if we met in an evening atmosphere at appropriate venue, I certainly wouldn't be drinking on a Sunday afternoon. My ex got tanked on our first date, if I would have ended it there like you did, I would have saved myself quite a bit of heartache.
carhill Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I generally pour wine light, at 3-4 oz, so it's not uncommon to have three glasses with a dinner and dessert. I imagine after I arrive in Raleigh tomorrow, my Italian friends will be serving up a nice dinner and uncorking a bottle from their cellar and I'll have the usual. At the wedding I attended last Sunday, I had two bottles of beer, one draft beer and one glass of champagne to toast the bride and groom. I worked it off helping their parents clean up after the reception. In between then and tomorrow, nothing. To me, such things are best shared with friends and on occasion. I didn't drink in my 20's and part of my 30's so don't know how a young body handles alcohol compared to an old body. I'm 53 now. No complaints. I recall the first date I went on after splitting up with my exW was lunch at a sushi place and my date had a glass of wine (5oz) and I had a warm Sake (2oz). We both drove. In Cali, you can't have more than that or you'll blow .08BAC, relevant to our body mass, and go to jail. So, we don't. Everyone has a choice. Our choices define us. If they don't match up in a dating situation, they don't.
EasyHeart Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 What's up with this drinking of older people? It sometimes shocks me how men don't seem to be able to be without alcohol when I date. If you have dinner, then a glass of wine is appropriate but if they expect me to share a bottle of wine with them, that's simply too much alcohol for me. How do you get from "I went out with one guy over 40 who seemed to drink a lot during our date" to "All people over 40 drink too much"?
iris219 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 How do you get from "I went out with one guy over 40 who seemed to drink a lot during our date" to "All people over 40 drink too much"? She didn't say all men over 40 drink too much. She said most of the ones she goes on dates with seem to drink too much. I've experienced the same thing with many of the men I meet. Even men you wouldn't expect it from, athletic men who go to the gym regularly and eat healthy, I later found out had drinking and/or drug problems. My ex is like this (possibly a functioning alcoholic), as are his friends/colleagues. They are much worse than him. It may be the industry they're in.
Author PinkInTheLimo Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 How do you get from "I went out with one guy over 40 who seemed to drink a lot during our date" to "All people over 40 drink too much"? Because it is not the first date I have where I see the guy have a couple of drinks as if this is normal. It's a different story if it is over a meal, although even then 4 glasses of wine seems too much to me. I guess that being someone who rarely drinks alcohol it comes to a surprise to me to see how much other people drink.
O'Malley Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 People usually attempt to be on their best behavior during the early stages, so I wouldn't ignore that sense of caution. One of my relatives (who many people erroneously didn't consider a problematic drinker) killed himself while driving drunk, so binge drinking or the need to constantly have a drink in hand while socializing would be a turn off for me. It's perfectly acceptable to not feel comfortable with someone's drinking or their attitudes towards alcohol, regardless if they'd be classified as an alchoholic or not.
Author PinkInTheLimo Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 I think that drinking alcohol on a daily basis is a socially accepted habit. But people forget that alcohol is a drug, and actually a hard drug. This daily or very regular drinking has a very negative impact on someone's health on the long run. For the record, I would not say that any of the guys I met who seemed to drink a lot on a first date were drunk. But that does not mean that regular alcohol consumption hurts your health. It surprises me that few people seem to be aware of that. 1
Author PinkInTheLimo Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 the need to constantly have a drink in hand while socializing would be a turn off for me. This is what bothering me. The impression that some men just can't socialise without alcohol. I love fine dining in a good restaurant and I will then certainly check if the restaurant has a good Tasmanian Pinot Noir on the wine card but I don't feel the need to have alcohol when I meet someone in the afternoon.
Bristolius Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 O'Malley's post is good. Stick with men that have the same attitude towards drinking that you have. Shouldn't be too hard to find them.
amaysngrace Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Maybe men need to have a few drinks because it's tough to have a first date with someone who watches the clock and monitors their blood alcohol level. 3
Jamesblame Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Alcohol isn't unhealthy if used in moderation. I think that it's a bad idea to drink too much on the first date. It loosens you up but good God, we censor our behavior for a reason! I don't think 4 in 4 hours is excessive at all...unless you weren't drinking. Then it would be a red flag.
El Brujo Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 binge drinking or the need to constantly have a drink in hand while socializing would be a turn off for me. Ditto. To me a glass in hand says "I can't socialize without using a prop". It's not much different from someone who has to have a cigarette in hand because they think it makes them look like Humphrey Bogart or Marlene Dietrich.
maybealone Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 My friends and I are all over 40, and we might drink a little too often. It's that whole empty nest, stress, reliving our youths thing I suppose. But we always eat a lot when we drink. I would never have 4 drinks without food, and I would not have 4 drinks with anyone on a first or second date. They'd have to know me well enough to be invited out with my friends first.
Leopard Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 People drink for different reasons. I know several alcoholics over the age of 40.
Enema Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I don't think 4 drinks is a lot either. It's good that you were confident enough to know he drank too much for you and not do a second date. I'm sure he's thankful, probably knows he dodged a bullet.
kaylan Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 A drink an hour is usually the guideline that people follow to stay under the blood alcohol limit if they are going to drive. This is assuming they are average height and weight. So no OP, your guy wouldnt concern me in the slightest. 1
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