Yuzuki Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Hi everyone. After a fairly short relationship a guy broke up with me about 13 months ago. I haven't contacted him since. Yet, I've never really stopped crying every 1-3 days or so. I do feel a little better, as in I was in so much pain I almost wanted to die the first months, but I still lie awake over it and cry over it. At this point, nobody I know still understands my behaviour and even on Google I can't find much evidence of other people having gone through the same thing. It's making me feel a bit isolated to be honest. Does anyone have any similar stories to tell?
Follower Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Dont worry your not alone, some peoples emotional attachments are far stronger than others and some of us seem to deal with it far better. Its hard to admit you still miss someone after such a long period of time but rest assured your not alone. I after 8 months still have days where im rather depressed about the whole thing but the real goal here is to concentrate on discovering what is triggering you, be it exhaustion certain places lonelyness and to rectify these as they come up. For me right now im using physical excerise to get over it so when i feel my emotions getting the better of me i get down and do some press ups and push ups reminding myself that you know what its not as bad as it seems. Just hold your head high whenever you feel bad and instead of asking the why, who and when questions think Me ME ME You are a lovely person you have LOADS to offer and people do WANT to be with you. The more you think like this the better you will feel. 1
Blastoplast Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 It depends on how much you put into your relationship, and what your expectations were and what type of personality you have. 3 months post BU after a 7 year relationship, I'll shed a tear here or there about every week or so. As Follower said, there are people that WANT to be with you. This is the ultimate goal, to feel wanted and loved. There's this girl that's maybe interested in me and I hope to see her out tonight just to feel her out. Even just the thought of being wanted by somebody else is enough to put a little kick in your step! 1
silvermane187 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I'm almost 2 years since getting dumped and still have my very down moments thinking about my ex. There are a lot of other negative things piled up on top of the sadness I get from thinking about my ex, but the ex wound still hurts the deepest. It's the emotional equivalent of a deep bone bruise on your heel. No matter how much I try to ice it and stay off it there are still times when you step on it wrong without thinking and there is nothing you can do but deal with the pain. 2
Soxfaninfl Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I still have moments from time to time where I get upset. My ex-wife and I separated in March of 2010 after 9 years of marriage(together for 11 years). It has been hard especially since we share a 8 year old child. It's harder to get over someone when you have to deal with them and see them from time to time. I hate her some times for putting us through a divorce too and then I miss the person I fell in love with. She's the only women I've told that I love her. We met when we were both 21. I'm 36 now.
CarrieT Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I had a 2 1/2 year relationship that took me almost two years to get over. I easily cried every day for the first year. It does take time but the heart does heal. Faith and patience...
chuzzbug Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 It's easy to be discouraged. You want to get better, as fast as possible. But the truth is that the depth and meaningfulness of the relationship is proportional to the length of time it takes you to get over it. The small consolation of hurting for a long time is that you're capable of forging strong bonds with other people. In due time, you will forge new strong bonds with someone. Meanwhile, focus on doing things that are helpful, or at least not destructive. Let the days pass and do not give too much authority to the daily ups and downs of your heart and mind (they will be against you some days, and with you on others).
g450 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) The more you had invested in the relationship the longer it will take to heal. Yes, I cried for almost a year. Not straight through mind you but just from time to time when a reminder popped up or when I occasionally saw her or was forced to interact with her. This is why NC is so important. Mind you we did have about 23 years together and she and my Son were my life. It was devistating for me to lose both at the same time and be forced at age 48 to start completly over as a single man at that age. I did find out that there were distinct advantages to being single at that age tough. Most people that are new to this are too crushed in the fog of pain and sorrow to see the silver lining until later. That usually happens after a year or two. After my first year was over and the initial shock wore off I stopped shedding any tears for her. I got to the anger stage and found a new love. I started to realize that I was wasting my time and energy pining over my XW. You will get there eventually. It just takes time. Edited August 9, 2012 by g450
snug.bunny Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Hi everyone. After a fairly short relationship a guy broke up with me about 13 months ago. I haven't contacted him since. Yet, I've never really stopped crying every 1-3 days or so. I do feel a little better, as in I was in so much pain I almost wanted to die the first months, but I still lie awake over it and cry over it. At this point, nobody I know still understands my behaviour and even on Google I can't find much evidence of other people having gone through the same thing. It's making me feel a bit isolated to be honest. Does anyone have any similar stories to tell? Yes. Some refer to it as unrequited love, or there is some type of an attachment that formed and may be linked to childhood. I'm not entirely sure of the exact "psychological" reasoning behind it.
broken-and-lost Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 yeah your not alone.............. and that's all i have to say about that
broken-and-lost Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I still have moments from time to time where I get upset. My ex-wife and I separated in March of 2010 after 9 years of marriage(together for 11 years). It has been hard especially since we share a 8 year old child. It's harder to get over someone when you have to deal with them and see them from time to time. I hate her some times for putting us through a divorce too and then I miss the person I fell in love with. She's the only women I've told that I love her. We met when we were both 21. I'm 36 now. sad for you keep your heart open........................................
TroyNJ Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I have been seperated/divorced from my x-wife for 25 months and yes I still have a cry once in a while. We were married for 16 years and I loved her dearly (still do). She hurt me but I can't help what I feel.
kindest Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 6 months since our breakup and I cry sometimes for days. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about him and cry in random public places, in the office, in public transportation, wherever it catches up with me. I feel like I've lost my bestfriend (omg, again my eyes are starting to well up as I am typing this) but he let me go, although still wanting to be friends but I just can't have him in my life right now. I don't know how meaningful our relationship was to him, but it definitely was meaningful to me. Hang in there. You're not alone.
Soxfaninfl Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 6 months since our breakup and I cry sometimes for days. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about him and cry in random public places, in the office, in public transportation, wherever it catches up with me. I feel like I've lost my bestfriend (omg, again my eyes are starting to well up as I am typing this) but he let me go, although still wanting to be friends but I just can't have him in my life right now. I don't know how meaningful our relationship was to him, but it definitely was meaningful to me. Hang in there. You're not alone. My ex in counseling said to me maybe we could be friends in 5 years, and I told her we will NEVER be friends! I told her if you don't want me in her life as her husband then you don't get to have me at all. She's not getting it the way she wants. Plus, I don't do friends with ex's. I move on.
Soxfaninfl Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 sad for you keep your heart open........................................ I've kind of given up on love. I have dated two girls since my divorce and both relationships only lasted 3 months. I don't want to go through another breakup. I can't take the pain again. I'll just hook up when I can. Let's be honest here every relationship has an expiration date. Nobody stays together forever. Your eventually going to feel disappointment either you leave the relationship or the other person does. Why risk getting hurt again?
NailBiter Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I got dumped 22 months ago after a 3+ year relationship and I still think about her every day. I haven't seen her in over a year and haven't spoken to her for longer than that. I still feel very down about it from time to time. Thinking about her has ruined many days for my in the past couple months alone.
fenderjames Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 You're not alone . Im a year in with NC and I think about her all the time . Tears come once in a while but not as much as before . But yes the do come . Hang on because you will be ok .
scatterd Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 I divorced twice and It took me three years to get over each one.
Hornachero Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 ...But it does get better! I missed one of my exes for a good five years! We've been together for only 5 months but I couldn't forget about her for years. For some reason, I would completely forget about her once I start dating new girls but then would start missing her again every time I was single again! The good news is that it does get better. The pain is not as sharp anymore and the thoughts not as intrusive! So hang in there! You are slowly healing even if you don't realize it
8mia8 Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Yup, and I wasn't even dating / in a real relationship with the guy! I chatted and flirted with him for years and only met him IRL a few times. So pathetic.
Hornachero Posted August 14, 2012 Posted August 14, 2012 Yup, and I wasn't even dating / in a real relationship with the guy! I chatted and flirted with him for years and only met him IRL a few times. So pathetic. Not pathetic at all! You fell in love with someone that your heart thought was special. There is nothing to be ashamed about! If anything, it shows that you are a great and sensitive person!
xxSRMxx Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 Do not feel pathetic... Heartbreak..you cannot put a time on how long it takes to heal, just like you can't take a magic pill and make it all go away (the amount of times we have probably wished that) I cry at times... but it usually is when I'm alone or having a generally bad day.
Jingle14 Posted August 15, 2012 Posted August 15, 2012 (edited) I thought it was just me and have been beating myself up for being so pathetic! Mine was also a short relationship – 10 months in total – but its now been 15 months and I think of him every day still. It doesn’t help that he lives and works in my neighbourhood and I have no option but to pass his parent’s house every time I leave my own home. Unbeknown to each other, we both developed feelings about the other during a 2 and a half year association through a local campaign but neither of us knew until he told me after he split from his now ex wife – he’d always thought he was ‘completely out of your league’ about me. Very quickly, we were besotted with each other and our relationship was warm, loving, intense and incredibly passionate. Despite our both having been with our exes for 20+years, we had never felt anything like this before and thought we’d be together forever. And then he fell out of love with me because he couldn’t handle my temperament (I was going through a lot of problems at the time, especially as I left my unhappy marriage for him, please don’t judge me for this, I didn’t do it on a whim), he just wasn’t strong enough to see it through with me. I do still see him intermittently – I run the risk of doing so whenever I leave my house – but have only seen him to actually speak to 4 times this year. On one of those times, in May, we stood and hugged each other tightly for over an hour and yet 2 days later, when I saw him and a mutual friend in a pub as my friend and I were leaving, he ignored me when I went over to say hello. My friend, who witnessed it from a few feet away, said it was 'embarrassing and disrespectful, his pint of beer was more interesting, he didn't even look at you'. Hearing this froze my heart and feelings, they are still like that and I now feel hatred and anger towards him. But still I yearn to be with him, what a fool, a stupid, middle aged fool. I have gone on the occasional night out with other people but my heart simply isn’t in it. I’m frequently told I am ‘beautiful inside and out’ and receive lots of compliments, from men and women – even strangers in the street. All very nice but ultimately it means nothing and only makes me feel sad because ‘he’ doesn’t see it. He used to send me emails and texts telling me ‘you’re so special’ but now he doesn’t want me. My heart is closed and cold now, as are my feelings. He was my ‘one’ and I knew after being with him that I had never been in love before. I doubt I ever will again. He, on the other hand, replaced me easily and without a thought – we had a week of ‘friends with Benefits’ in September last year and agreed the chemistry, attraction and connection were all still there. He said he would give ‘serious thought’ to our going away to see if we could rekindle what we had and asked for a few days to think it all through. During that week though, while I waited patiently – and he knew how much he meant to me – he started seeing someone else but didn’t have the guts to tell me. He merely sent me a very stinging email telling me, among other things, ‘I don’t want to be with you, I don’t want to try again’ which he sent to my work email – not great to read, especially not when in an open plan office. And yet I am still grieving. Everyone says I am his loss. I am sure he doesn't think that for a second. People also say that he'll look back one day in the distant future and regret his actions - again though, I doubt it. Edited August 15, 2012 by Jingle14
Author Yuzuki Posted August 15, 2012 Author Posted August 15, 2012 I apologize for not replying to my own topic in so long but I'm kind of relieved to see that people are still posting in it. It brings me some comfort to know that I'm not alone, especially after spending another day crying. The small consolation of hurting for a long time is that you're capable of forging strong bonds with other people. Quoting this because it's probably important not only to me, but also to some other people in this topic. I sometimes have my doubts over relationships of acquaintances because they don't seem to have their heart in it. But for them it's perhaps all they have to give. I've kind of given up on love. I have dated two girls since my divorce and both relationships only lasted 3 months. I don't want to go through another breakup. I can't take the pain again. I'll just hook up when I can. Let's be honest here every relationship has an expiration date. Nobody stays together forever. Your eventually going to feel disappointment either you leave the relationship or the other person does. Why risk getting hurt again? I'm also very tempted to give up sometimes, even though I'm still fairly young. But when you think about it, this is true. The best case scenario is that one person is left to deal with the death of the other one (hopefully decades from now, but still). That is the best case scenario, most relationships never get that far.
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