Author ThaWholigan Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Its hard to tell somebody to be a totally differnt person then what you are to attract women..people can tweak things in how they talk and approach women but you cant change the entire core of who you are.. You don't have to "change the core of who you are".
somedude81 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I just want to know: Why exactly do you think it's so hard? The very fact that I managed to hit 31 without ever getting into anything remotely resembling a relationship is proof enough that this game is extremely difficult. I've also never met a girl and had a casual fling with her so it's not like I'm whoring around either. The dating game is hard. If it wasn't there wouldn't be so many normal dudes complaining so much.
Author ThaWholigan Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Well, I'm in the minority here, because I think anyone can be attractive personally. It might be a little more difficult for some, but it can certainly be done. And it doesn't even require changing the entire basis of the person you are either. Hell, I have managed to iron out certain things in myself that took a long time and quite some difficulty to fix, but I did it! And I can't say I'm that much different than I was a couple of years ago. I bumped this thread because I ambitiously wanted to type out an entire mammoth post which would include absolutely everything I'm doing and have done to improve my life and with it, my dating prospects, but honestly I can't be arsed anymore because I can't make anyone believe me nor believe in themselves. Which is sad really, because I always try to inspire people to do things that would make them happy and proud, and eventually fulfilled. And for once, I don't really think I can do it today . I'll only say that dating is as hard as you make it in my honest and humble opinion. It was hard for me until I stopped thinking it was hard - and now it's not .
Ross MwcFan Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I never used to think dating was hard, in fact I thought it should be really easy as I believed I was very good looking, but yet it was still pretty much impossible for me.
Author ThaWholigan Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 I never used to think dating was hard, in fact I thought it should be really easy as I believed I was very good looking, but yet it was still pretty much impossible for me. Ross, your situation is certainly a precarious one because of your anxiety. Difficulties will be more acute. Nevertheless, I still think you could increase your dating prospects and attractiveness - it just may take a little more work and prodding. It's really up to you if you're ready for that. I don't blame you, in fact I don't really blame anyone for their dating woes - but that doesn't mean I don't believe their dating prospects are in their own hands.
somedude81 Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Well, I'm in the minority here, because I think anyone can be attractive personally. It might be a little more difficult for some, but it can certainly be done. And it doesn't even require changing the entire basis of the person you are either. Hell, I have managed to iron out certain things in myself that took a long time and quite some difficulty to fix, but I did it! And I can't say I'm that much different than I was a couple of years ago. I bumped this thread because I ambitiously wanted to type out an entire mammoth post which would include absolutely everything I'm doing and have done to improve my life and with it, my dating prospects, but honestly I can't be arsed anymore because I can't make anyone believe me nor believe in themselves. Which is sad really, because I always try to inspire people to do things that would make them happy and proud, and eventually fulfilled. And for once, I don't really think I can do it today . I'll only say that dating is as hard as you make it in my honest and humble opinion. It was hard for me until I stopped thinking it was hard - and now it's not . Heh, the only way I'd believe you or myself is when I'm getting it on with a girl I like likes me back. And then I'll go, "Holy sh*t ThaWholigan was right!" So just wait until then.
betterdeal Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 What is it you like about women? Now, recall how you felt at the moment you read that question. In that split second, your pupils dilated, your muscles relaxed, your breathing deepened. For a fraction of a second, to perhaps a minuscule degree, you demonstrated what it is that women like, which is to be liked. What is it you like about this women? The one in front of you right now. Ask yourself that at the moment she's there, and enjoy how you feel. If myriad other factors are in your favour (aka with a bit of luck) it'll lead to something more. If not, you just enjoyed the moment, the being in the company of a beautiful creature, and that, chaps, is what it is all about. Enjoy.
todreaminblue Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) I just want to know: Why exactly do you think it's so hard? I personally believe we make it harder for ourselves by believing it's so difficult to do it. Sure, we may not have had the "positive reinforcement" but at the end of the day, one can still learn. So what's the problem, why are you limiting your own beliefs? You don't have to be on the top of the looks spectrum (which you can improve) and you don't have to be at the top of the charisma spectrum (which you can ALSO improve). You need to explore the resources available to help you with it and you should approach it with an open mind rather than one of pure skepticism that it's just "not going to work" and it's "too much" and you "can't" do it. Disclaimer: This is aimed generally and not specifically at the person who composed this post. Attraction i ssomething that you cant take a study course for.Youjust have to eb yourself if you try and generate attraction it wont happen.I cant figure attraction out.I consider myself to eb low on the spectrum in looks factor but i attract the opposite sex...not that i want to it makes me uncomfortable and unsure, but when i am being myself the compliments come...i am over weight at the moment i dyed my hair red which is supposed to be the most unattractive colour for men and the man i do want to attract likes somebody else.....and he is the man i make a concerted effort to attract.... so i am confused about this whole attraction thing, always have been found it hard even when in peak condition why would someone be attracted to me i am messed up...one friend ,a male one(of my exes friends originally) talked to me for quite a few hours and that might he stayed on my lounge he dreamt of me saying my name in his sleep......that was kind of creepy you dotn have to believe me but it is true..... i think its because i listen i can make people laugh and i enjoy talking to people i look them in the eye i smile i laugh i give them some fun.i have big blue eyes like kermit from the muppets maybe i look funny.. i actually dont believe it is in how i look..unless they look at my breasts while talking to me.....i often use this a test...so dont believe everything you read about attracting the opposite having red hair and being extremely curvy doesnt stop attraction.......i think it comes from within and attraction happens when you dont expect it....it does for me.. two of my girls have all dyed their hair red by the way.....dont know if it will cull interest for them but i can always hope they are young so don't want to deal with boy hormones as a single mother that is hard.....especially fo rme wan tto string them up from a ceiling fan and turn it on let them spin for a while.....kidding...maybe not... you dont have to generate attraction you just have to understand the signs that someone ii attracted to you(the way they look at you talk to you treat you ask you questions act interested body language and also you need to know what you find attractive in a partner..doesn't mean just looks based but a whammy combination of beliefs values standards and looks......then love sets in......WARNING WARNING life will never be the same.....you are hooked.....line.....sinker.....who wants grilled or baked fish tonight......deb Edited September 4, 2012 by todreaminblue
jobaba Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 (edited) Well, I'm in the minority here, because I think anyone can be attractive personally. It might be a little more difficult for some, but it can certainly be done. And it doesn't even require changing the entire basis of the person you are either. Hell, I have managed to iron out certain things in myself that took a long time and quite some difficulty to fix, but I did it! And I can't say I'm that much different than I was a couple of years ago. I bumped this thread because I ambitiously wanted to type out an entire mammoth post which would include absolutely everything I'm doing and have done to improve my life and with it, my dating prospects, but honestly I can't be arsed anymore because I can't make anyone believe me nor believe in themselves. Which is sad really, because I always try to inspire people to do things that would make them happy and proud, and eventually fulfilled. And for once, I don't really think I can do it today . I'll only say that dating is as hard as you make it in my honest and humble opinion. It was hard for me until I stopped thinking it was hard - and now it's not . The very fact that I managed to hit 31 without ever getting into anything remotely resembling a relationship is proof enough that this game is extremely difficult. I've also never met a girl and had a casual fling with her so it's not like I'm whoring around either. The dating game is hard. If it wasn't there wouldn't be so many normal dudes complaining so much. There's really no way to sugarcoat it... It's hard for some people. I happen to know a good deal of those people who have trouble attracting mostly anybody (let alone someone they REALLY like). They're often also the same people who pine/fall in love with those who have no desire for them. So, they have to deal with broken hearts and heartache too (just like women who get dumped, etc) on top of feeling generally unattractive to mostly everybody. The second poster here is 31 years old. Even if he does manage to land a gal who likes him (and I have no doubt he will), he still has been largely unsuccessful in dating in a general sense. Sometimes it's painful to read all these posts of these gals (some guys too) who post here with all their stories of dating all kinds of attractive people of all different flavors who they are really into. I understand. There's a light at the end of the tunnel though. The guy I referenced in my previous post ended up marrying a very attractive woman that he chased for many years. Did he want to date other women? Yes. Feel like he was attractive to many other women? Yes. Feel like his effort was being rewarded with results? Yes. Of course. Was he able to make that happen? No. But he was able to snag one woman who appreciated what 99+% passed on. At the end of the day, his final result is the same as my friends who were able to get many, many women. Try and look at it that way (if you are able) and you'll be happier. Edited September 5, 2012 by jobaba
Necris Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 There's really no way to sugarcoat it... It's hard for some people. I happen to know a good deal of those people who have trouble attracting mostly anybody (let alone someone they REALLY like). They're often also the same people who pine/fall in love with those who have no desire for them. So, they have to deal with broken hearts and heartache too (just like women who get dumped, etc) on top of feeling generally unattractive to mostly everybody. The second poster here is 31 years old. Even if he does manage to land a gal who likes him (and I have no doubt he will), he still has been largely unsuccessful in dating in a general sense. Sometimes it's painful to read all these posts of these gals (some guys too) who post here with all their stories of dating all kinds of attractive people of all different flavors who they are really into. I understand. There's a light at the end of the tunnel though. The guy I referenced in my previous post ended up marrying a very attractive woman that he chased for many years. Did he want to date other women? Yes. Feel like he was attractive to many other women? Yes. Feel like his effort was being rewarded with results? Yes. Of course. Was he able to make that happen? No. But he was able to snag one woman who appreciated what 99+% passed on. At the end of the day, his final result is the same as my friends who were able to get many, many women. Try and look at it that way (if you are able) and you'll be happier. I am one of the people who can't attract anyone at all, ever, it seems, and while that was a nice story I highly doubt one of these days/years out of the blue some woman will find me, a guy that no other woman ever found attractive, attractive enough to want to be with, its not impossible but incredibly unlikely. I just need to stop thinking about women and focus on more important issues, and learn to like being alone.
jobaba Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I am one of the people who can't attract anyone at all, ever, it seems, and while that was a nice story I highly doubt one of these days/years out of the blue some woman will find me, a guy that no other woman ever found attractive, attractive enough to want to be with, its not impossible but incredibly unlikely. I just need to stop thinking about women and focus on more important issues, and learn to like being alone. Lol. Not out of the blue. He chased her for 10 years.
Necris Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 Lol. Not out of the blue. He chased her for 10 years. I'm sorry but while I am patient I don't have that kind of endurance, when I'm rejected the first time that's it I move on, and I don't find that person as attractive as I did prior to rejection.
amaysngrace Posted September 5, 2012 Posted September 5, 2012 I just want to know: Why exactly do you think it's so hard? I've heard it's excessive bloodflow. 1
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