ThaWholigan Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Because it seems like you have to be at the top of the looks/charisma spectrum to be able to generate those kind of feelings in a woman. It's too much to believe that an "average" guy can rock a woman's world in that way. It becomes impossible to believe that you can do it after you've had years of being regularly shut down by women. That degree of attraction can't be THAT subjective.I just want to know: Why exactly do you think it's so hard? I personally believe we make it harder for ourselves by believing it's so difficult to do it. Sure, we may not have had the "positive reinforcement" but at the end of the day, one can still learn. So what's the problem, why are you limiting your own beliefs? You don't have to be on the top of the looks spectrum (which you can improve) and you don't have to be at the top of the charisma spectrum (which you can ALSO improve). You need to explore the resources available to help you with it and you should approach it with an open mind rather than one of pure skepticism that it's just "not going to work" and it's "too much" and you "can't" do it. Disclaimer: This is aimed generally and not specifically at the person who composed this post. 4
Leopard Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 It's not hard TW, people just make it hard because they watch too many Hollywood films. (or don't properly take care of themselves, which isn't that hard to do). They expect a certain kind of woman/man and once they don't get it, they think it's because they aren't this or that, therefore strive to be something they are not just to attract a girl who just probably didn't like him in the first place.
Author ThaWholigan Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 It's not hard TW, people just make it hard because they watch too many Hollywood films. (or don't properly take care of themselves, which isn't that hard to do). They expect a certain kind of woman/man and once they don't get it, they think it's because they aren't this or that, therefore strive to be something they are not just to attract a girl who just probably didn't like him in the first place. I think most just want someone they are actually attracted to - the problem is that they don't really know how to be attractive, but not only that. I freely give out resources, my anecdotes, my advice on what's been helping me, I even detailed my (somewhat fortunate) story of my first sexual encounter (which I could have detailed more), but people are largely ignorant of a lot of it which leads me to the conclusion that a lot of men are completely ignorant of how to be attractive to women. It's one thing not to care, but it's another to not do anything about it and then whine about it.
Titanwolf Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Exactly! you don't choose the hand you're dealt. You can only do the best with what you have. There's no sense in dwelling on aspects of your life that are beyond your control. 1
durentu Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 It's really simple... Drop all assumptions, and go wave or say hi to 30 pretty or hot girls a day. It doesn't matter if it's the same girl or not. What are the chances that YOU can get a hot girl? 1/30 ? one day 1/210 ? one week 1/900 ? one month 1/2700 ? one season 1/10950 ? one year Remember, you're not looking to get 10950 hot girls. You only need ONE. Pretty soon, it's going to be a habit for you, and other girls will start talking about you (word of mouth advertising). Then at least someone will take interest and come to you with conversation. You don't put $1 in the bank and then collect a million tomorrow. It's investment, and it's compounding interest. If you wave to pretty girls AFTER you get the girl (and it's all solid), you can work your thing to get MORE pretty girls in your circle of friends. Sounds pretty easy right? It is, but most guys fail due to analysis paralysis. Most guys will watch the stock ticker go up and down, but never get in on the action. No need to go to the ends of the earth, plastic surgery, a business tycoon etc. Just be yourself and just say hi. 1
AD1980 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I think for people who cant attract women its hard to change or know what to change because its basically saying you as a person do not spark enough interest in women for whatever reason so its hard to change the core of who you are or know what to change or what that even means.. Its not as simple as say this instead of saying that or be this way personality wise instead of this way..some people just turn off the opposite sex for whatever reason... I have a friend whos in my boat but worse..hes not a good looking guy but not hideous and women in my circle always talk about how there is something about him that just turns women off and its not something they can point to and say change this its just the core of who he is..they also mention things like phermones and other obscure vague things about him that he just cant change easily.. Lastly we cant ignore the physical aspect..some people are just born with unattractive faces and there is nothing they can do..Looks play a huge part no matter how much we want to ignore it..my good looking friend doesnt have to do anything to get a women they flock to him.. he even tries to talk me up to these women hes not that attracted to yet they ignore me and try to use their vagina to lock him into a relationship and he pumps and dumps them and then they scream how all me nare pigs because they couldnt use their vagina to lock down a man out of their league.
Author ThaWholigan Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 I think for people who cant attract women its hard to change or know what to change because its basically saying you as a person do not spark enough interest in women for whatever reason so its hard to change the core of who you are or know what to change or what that even means.. Its not as simple as say this instead of saying that or be this way personality wise instead of this way..some people just turn off the opposite sex for whatever reason... I have a friend whos in my boat but worse..hes not a good looking guy but not hideous and women in my circle always talk about how there is something about him that just turns women off and its not something they can point to and say change this its just the core of who he is..they also mention things like phermones and other obscure vague things about him that he just cant change easily.. Lastly we cant ignore the physical aspect..some people are just born with unattractive faces and there is nothing they can do..Looks play a huge part no matter how much we want to ignore it..my good looking friend doesnt have to do anything to get a women they flock to him.. he even tries to talk me up to these women hes not that attracted to yet they ignore me and try to use their vagina to lock him into a relationship and he pumps and dumps them and then they scream how all me nare pigs because they couldnt use their vagina to lock down a man out of their league. Basically what the title implies then - "It's too hard, can't do it" etc. I think if you really want to attract women, you will learn how to do it, because it's very possible, even for the supposed "undesirables". You can work out; you can learn to manipulate your own posture, expression and movement; you can become better with words, articulation, tonality, inflection etc; you can learn to be present in the moment and think more positively; you can groom yourself to complement your facial features or your style etc.... These are all things that you can do. I haven't even done all of these things and I've already done far better than I did before when I believed I can't do it. And I'm a relatively late bloomer - even my little brothers have gotten laid before me, I've only just lost my virginity less than a month before my 24th birthday, because I've been making a conscious effort to improve myself. So it can certainly be done.
carhill Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Another potential is to ponder the value of laying so much of one's life force at the whim of another.
Author ThaWholigan Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Says Mr. Best f... of 2012 Read the OP
Author ThaWholigan Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Another potential is to ponder the value of laying so much of one's life force at the whim of another. Certainly one other thing to consider. A lot of these guys want girlfriends, so these are the things they may need to do in order to get one. I do most of the things to improve myself not just for women however, my motives are to a large extent independent of them, but I am conscious of the fact that much of the improvements I make to my character and body will make me more attractive to women in general, and that is an additional incentive rather than the underlying drive.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Read the OP I kind of just read the title 1
Dafa Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I just want to know: Why exactly do you think it's so hard? I personally believe we make it harder for ourselves by believing it's so difficult to do it. Sure, we may not have had the "positive reinforcement" but at the end of the day, one can still learn. So what's the problem, why are you limiting your own beliefs? You don't have to be on the top of the looks spectrum (which you can improve) and you don't have to be at the top of the charisma spectrum (which you can ALSO improve). You need to explore the resources available to help you with it and you should approach it with an open mind rather than one of pure skepticism that it's just "not going to work" and it's "too much" and you "can't" do it. Disclaimer: This is aimed generally and not specifically at the person who composed this post. Pinpointing what is hard in oneself is, well, hard. Pun not intended. Anyway, this is a hard topic to talk about because each person has to change different things and attraction and seduction dynamics can change alot from one country to another, namely if you talk about european countries. You are probably right in saying that by not believing we can do it, we only make it harder to actually do it. However, sometimes we believe it is hard, because it is actually hard, because our assessment is correct. What do you propose in this situation? That we deceive ourselves? All this "mind over matter" talk should only go up to a certain point, otherwise we start sounding like an autistic person. Another point that i believe should be approached is that it is very likely that some of the people complaining here of failure in attracting women are simply trying to go beyond what they can achieve. I know this point will end up in the usual "leagues and points discussion" but quite frankly i have, and always will have, a difficulty accepting the "beauty is subjective" argument.
Emilia Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Another potential is to ponder the value of laying so much of one's life force at the whim of another. Finding a life long partner eventually
irc333 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Funny this was mentioned. With me being Friendzoned most of the time, someone told me this was the case. There had been situations, I thought I would definately be in the dating realm with certain women I had met because. 1. We got along so well 2. She laughed at all my jokes. 3. She's REALLY comfortable around me, sometimes to the point of avoiding aggressive men, and coming to me for comfort at a party or gathering. 4. OTHER people see us as a perfect match. # 4 brings it to this point, you have no idea how frustrating it is, that you have ALL that you need to be in a dating relationship with a woman.....but to have them say, 'Sorry, you're a GREAT guy, you're really awesome .....but I just don't think of you in that way, but you would DEFINITELY be a great guy for a woman that's out there for you!" And she pats you on the back like a buddy/pal. So, sorry, no goodnight KISS for you buddy. Funny, how every woman I meet thinks I'm great.....but great for someone else, but not her. I was telling a friend this, about having all the great qualities, matching hobbies, belief systems, ethics, etc. But he said, "All you are lacking is the ability to CREATE attraction for THAT woman" To this day, I have a hard time struggling with CREATING attraction, I put it almost in the same department as planting a money tree or purchasing magic beans. The concept is somewhat alien to me. The reason is CREATING attraction is short lived, and not for the long term....so I see not much value in it. What you meet, get married, 20 years later are you still creating attraction for a woman you already have? Or you only create attraction to get your FOOT in the door?? I just want to know: Why exactly do you think it's so hard? I personally believe we make it harder for ourselves by believing it's so difficult to do it. Sure, we may not have had the "positive reinforcement" but at the end of the day, one can still learn. So what's the problem, why are you limiting your own beliefs? You don't have to be on the top of the looks spectrum (which you can improve) and you don't have to be at the top of the charisma spectrum (which you can ALSO improve). You need to explore the resources available to help you with it and you should approach it with an open mind rather than one of pure skepticism that it's just "not going to work" and it's "too much" and you "can't" do it. Disclaimer: This is aimed generally and not specifically at the person who composed this post. 1
Revolver Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I honestly believe most men who say this aren't actually trying or pursuing women
irc333 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I honestly believe most men who say this aren't actually trying or pursuing women Well, as the old saying goes, "You'll meet that special someone when you STOP trying"
irc333 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) Lastly we cant ignore the physical aspect..some people are just born with unattractive faces and there is nothing they can do True statement, you can work out, hit the gym 6 days a week, but if your face can stop a freight train.....well, if they start coming out with gym equipment for faces....lol..that guy would be a rich man. There's this one guy I know....has such a face...nice guy....but somehow when he smiles...he always looks like Jack Nicholson from the Shining when he does. Not his fault, but his face is creepy. But he's not actually creepy if you talk to him. Kind of soft spoken though. Edited August 9, 2012 by irc333
GoodOnPaper Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Another point that i believe should be approached is that it is very likely that some of the people complaining here of failure in attracting women are simply trying to go beyond what they can achieve. This implies that if we're not "successful" with women when we're single, the best we can hope for is mediocre attraction toward and/or from our partner.
irc333 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 This implies that if we're not "successful" with women when we're single, the best we can hope for is mediocre attraction toward and/or from our partner. Remember, when women used to be rather easily impressed by men in the old days? In the 1940's, you could tell her the most cheesy joke in the world, because cheesy jokes were the only thing that were funny back then.
Failboy Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 True statement, you can work out, hit the gym 6 days a week, but if your face can stop a freight train.....well, if they start coming out with gym equipment for faces....lol..that guy would be a rich man. I've been working out big time in 2011. Still got an above-average body when it comes to muscles. I used to be skinny as hell. And yes, women definitely look different at me now. It just seems that it is never enough. Back when I was a teenager and had acne, I thought all I have to do is get rid of it. Almost messed my skin up that way. Now that I got older it got away without me actually doing anything. Only that I still couldn't get women like that. Then I thought okay, let's get rid of those hairy arms you have... let's also get a fresh cut at the barber on a regular basis. And yeah I might look a bit better since then, but no change with the women. Then I thought let's stop being skinny as hell, noone really sees those abs, let's get some big arms, broader shoulders, V-shaped back. I worked out for months and was very determined. Strict diet, supplements, 3 workout per week each almost 2 hours long. And I looked MUCH more muscular. My arms felt like they were twice as thick as before. And yes, women looked. And yes, I gained confidence. Having pics of my body on OLD sites helped a lot with getting first dates from OLD as well. But still.. there's major struggle and major rejection going on to this day. After all this improvement and work put in. Which is just frustrating as can be, knowing that so many humans don't really do anything and pull. Makes you think you just ain't meant for it. 2
Necris Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 It's really simple... Drop all assumptions, and go wave or say hi to 30 pretty or hot girls a day. It doesn't matter if it's the same girl or not. What are the chances that YOU can get a hot girl? 1/30 ? one day 1/210 ? one week 1/900 ? one month 1/2700 ? one season 1/10950 ? one year Remember, you're not looking to get 10950 hot girls. You only need ONE. Pretty soon, it's going to be a habit for you, and other girls will start talking about you (word of mouth advertising). Then at least someone will take interest and come to you with conversation. You don't put $1 in the bank and then collect a million tomorrow. It's investment, and it's compounding interest. If you wave to pretty girls AFTER you get the girl (and it's all solid), you can work your thing to get MORE pretty girls in your circle of friends. Sounds pretty easy right? It is, but most guys fail due to analysis paralysis. Most guys will watch the stock ticker go up and down, but never get in on the action. No need to go to the ends of the earth, plastic surgery, a business tycoon etc. Just be yourself and just say hi. Sounds good, in theory. Unfortunately for people such as myself saying hi is worthless i say hi and try to talk to women all the time but talk doesnt cut it you need to somehow make them want you they have to desire you and if you cant get that to happen then you are basically sol. Women simply arent interested in me so i find it best now to just forget about it and do something else and while i would like someone to be with being alone isnt too bad i need to live with it. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted September 4, 2012 Author Posted September 4, 2012 Forgot about this thread - I'm gonna bump it and add something later.
PJKino Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 Its hard to tell somebody to be a totally differnt person then what you are to attract women..people can tweak things in how they talk and approach women but you cant change the entire core of who you are..
jobaba Posted September 4, 2012 Posted September 4, 2012 I just want to know: Why exactly do you think it's so hard? I personally believe we make it harder for ourselves by believing it's so difficult to do it. Sure, we may not have had the "positive reinforcement" but at the end of the day, one can still learn. So what's the problem, why are you limiting your own beliefs? You don't have to be on the top of the looks spectrum (which you can improve) and you don't have to be at the top of the charisma spectrum (which you can ALSO improve). You need to explore the resources available to help you with it and you should approach it with an open mind rather than one of pure skepticism that it's just "not going to work" and it's "too much" and you "can't" do it. Disclaimer: This is aimed generally and not specifically at the person who composed this post. Although many things are unfair in life, I think dating is one of the most unequal. In that ... some people have to beat off the opposite sex with a stick, others do OK, and others struggle mightily. And a lot of it is based on genetics and the personality and disposition we develop based on how society views us. Very few people are able to change their personality in a very significant manner. One of my friends dedicated an amazing amount of energy and resources to being a 'ladies man' in his late 20s/young 30s. Clothes, game, spending cash, hanging out with 'successful guys', you name it. As far as I know, he didn't get any women over that period. On the other hand, a woman I know in her mid 20s who is not particularly accomplished or good at anything (or even THAT attractive) has had dozens of men into her without even trying. Sure, she's friendly ... but so is my guy friend. It's just kind of how it is. There's other aspects of life which we have more control over ... career success, artistic pursuits, knowledge of interesting subjects, etc. Being a quality person. If you're somewhere around your mid-20s and have struggled badly at dating ... just be yourself, work on being more likeable to people in general, and work hard at other things. I don't think it makes sense to be so gung-ho about something you're not inclined to succeed at. You'll inflict a lot of pain on yourself... 1
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