theskyisblue Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Hey, well today I am struggling. It's been tough for a bit but I'm really starting to lose hope. Maybe I have lost it. Feel like I'm sinking into a grey despair. My life with her is over and I'm still thinking that she might be part of it. The city I live in is so small that there are reminders of her and her friends everywhere. I think she made sure she had lots to do and a great set of friends to be there for her and then she broke up with me. I haven't got that. I 'm completely aware that I have to let go but I can't seem to do that. Maybe I should welcome that grey despair. I'm in my late 20's and can meet other people but my heart isn't in anything. If I say heartbroken that just doesn't seem to cover it.* The why she left and what she's doing are on my mind but mostly it's just a listless misery that consumes my capacity to do anything. I've got counselling, I meet with a few friends and I go to work but I am so unhappy. I cry, I shouldn't be upset about that, but I'm walking from work and sobbing, or watching a tv show and doing the same. I'm so ****ing unhappy. I'm exhausted from helping people and starting to think being nice doesn't really get you anywhere. Really starting to feel like giving up, work, this city, the few friends I have. Not sure where to go but it's got to be better than the misery of staying here. Loved this girl and she didn't have any hesitation in breaking my heart. I'm so unbelievably lonely and hurting and I'm not sure what to do about it. Any thoughts or help would be great.
The Tallest One Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I totally understand what your feeling! I am in the same boat! Just can't seem to let go! Feel listless and miserable as well! Just have to do our best and let time do the rest! It's tough also when you don't have many friends, weekends are real tough!
Author theskyisblue Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 It's so tough - getting to work is miserable. It gets you out and about but I feel like I'm about to snap at the next person that makes some inane comment. It's a mixture of desperation and loneliness and the inability to snap out of it. Why do people insist on saying snap out of it? They don't tell you that when you're legitimately happy so why should it work when you're legitimately unhappy? The weekends are tough - especially since I live by myself and took a place thinking it would be for her and I and then she dumps me. The expense and loneliness of living by yourself. Really am struggling with this. Hope you're managing I stay strong though.
Author theskyisblue Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 I totally understand what your feeling! I am in the same boat! Just can't seem to let go! Feel listless and miserable as well! Just have to do our best and let time do the rest! It's tough also when you don't have many friends, weekends are real tough! Should have put this in my post. Not really focusing that well.
weallfalldown Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 i feel for ya...going through it too...after a while your friends don't wanna hear about it, neither does your family........we all walk this lonely road....but the road has to end somewhere....so try and stay strong.....
Author theskyisblue Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 i feel for ya...going through it too...after a while your friends don't wanna hear about it, neither does your family........we all walk this lonely road....but the road has to end somewhere....so try and stay strong..... That's the thing isn't it. People carry on with their lives and they just can't keep hearing about your grief. I really want to get out of this city but because I took a lease on a place and have money tied up in it I can't see that happening straight away. Trying to keep myself distracted but my thoughts are swirling and I can't focus. Really quite surprised that work are letting me be like this. Thing is though - I feel sad and lonely. Really sa and very lonely. Some people might be able to fake being happy or get on with it or whatever but I can't find the strength to do that. Thanks for the reply though.
ihateslowjams Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I just saw this thread and like i said in the other thread, Im going through the same exact emotions/thoughts as you. Even the part about being nice is a negative trait to have. I stopped becoming as helpful as before and Im beginning to become selfish (really don't know if its a good thing, but being nice didn't work out before... twice...). Ive also been thinking about leaving my city and friends and wanting to start somewhere brand new, but i can't since I'm currently going to school still... I feel so old at my classes since i decided to go back to school (27 yrs old) and it feels a little awkward for me hanging out with 18-20 year olds... I know my relationship is over and done with and I have to let go, but its very difficult to do so. I keep myself busy, but she's always on my mind. Sorry to rant, but point is I know EXACTLY how you feel... it sucks.
Author theskyisblue Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) I just saw this thread and like i said in the other thread, Im going through the same exact emotions/thoughts as you. Even the part about being nice is a negative trait to have. I stopped becoming as helpful as before and Im beginning to become selfish (really don't know if its a good thing, but being nice didn't work out before... twice...). Ive also been thinking about leaving my city and friends and wanting to start somewhere brand new, but i can't since I'm currently going to school still... I feel so old at my classes since i decided to go back to school (27 yrs old) and it feels a little awkward for me hanging out with 18-20 year olds... I know my relationship is over and done with and I have to let go, but its very difficult to do so. I keep myself busy, but she's always on my mind. Sorry to rant, but point is I know EXACTLY how you feel... it sucks. Hey there, yeah it’s weird that being nice is actually starting to feel counter-productive. I want to be decent to people and care about them but really I am finding it hard to care. Hear you on the being nice thing didn’t work out. People expect you* to be so graceful and bow out with dignity, which to an extent, minus some crying and saying something like ‘you’re thrown this away’ and ‘if you have doubts about breaking up and whether you’ve done the correct thing then listen to them’ is what I did. I loved, love that girl but am trying to get on with it. What really sucks is that being the nice guy and supporting people, it’s as if people are clueless as to how to support you. This empty lonely feeling doesn’t go away because people don’t want to talk about it. A friend, well if you can call them that, said to me ‘well it’s obvious she’ll meet somebody else – you can’t let this get to you’ and then proceeded to explain why I should stay in the ****ing city that her and I had called home and in the job working in a place that I met her. Why don’t people understand that when a breakup happens you might actually need to be away and that you can’t be friends with people and you don’t just get over it. I get it, the relationship is done but **** my sadness isn’t. If I could switch it off I would. Who wants to drag themselves to work, barely functioning, or meet people and still have thoughts of the ex. I don’t focus on her, I just can’t focus on anything. We’ve got to stay strong, and it’s something I say to other people but I don’t feel it. I feel I don’t have the energy for this. Sorry to hear about you not being able to leave the city. I totally understand why you would want to get out of there. Have you dated or met any people or joined any clubs or anything? Good to hear your thoughts on it. Edited August 8, 2012 by theskyisblue
ihateslowjams Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 We’ve got to stay strong, and it’s something I say to other people but I don’t feel it. I feel I don’t have the energy for this. Sorry to hear about you not being able to leave the city. I totally understand why you would want to get out of there. Have you dated or met any people or joined any clubs or anything? Good to hear your thoughts on it. Yeah, I have some hopes in leaving the city when I finally transfer to a university since I plan to take out student loans to live on campus or an apartment next to the campus that accepts me next year. Right now, thats the only thing I'm looking forward to and will be a huge step towards my healing. I havent dated anyone yet (been 2 months since the BU) and I don't think I will anytime soon. I feel that I need to focus on my education at the moment so I can graduate sooner and finally move out of my parent's house... I feel like such a loser still living with them at my age. As for meeting people, nope. Practically all of my friends don't go out anymore and stay home with their SO, leaving me without a wingman to meet new people with. Again, I believe my acceptance to a university will remedy this issue. For the mean time, I picked up a few hobbies to keep myself productive, which is learning to play the guitar, billiards, and hitting the gym religiously every night. I just decided to quit my job and my last day is next week... this is a huge crazy step for me and its main purpose it to give me more time to focus more on school. So I guess you can say this is a major change in my life that I gotta adjust to. I hated the job anyways, but they did pay me well without a degree. What about you? How long has it been since your BU? how your dating life coming along?
Author theskyisblue Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) Yeah, I have some hopes in leaving the city when I finally transfer to a university since I plan to take out student loans to live on campus or an apartment next to the campus that accepts me next year. Right now, thats the only thing I'm looking forward to and will be a huge step towards my healing. I havent dated anyone yet (been 2 months since the BU) and I don't think I will anytime soon. I feel that I need to focus on my education at the moment so I can graduate sooner and finally move out of my parent's house... I feel like such a loser still living with them at my age. As for meeting people, nope. Practically all of my friends don't go out anymore and stay home with their SO, leaving me without a wingman to meet new people with. Again, I believe my acceptance to a university will remedy this issue. For the mean time, I picked up a few hobbies to keep myself productive, which is learning to play the guitar, billiards, and hitting the gym religiously every night. I just decided to quit my job and my last day is next week... this is a huge crazy step for me and its main purpose it to give me more time to focus more on school. So I guess you can say this is a major change in my life that I gotta adjust to. I hated the job anyways, but they did pay me well without a degree. What about you? How long has it been since your BU? how your dating life coming along? That sounds great that you’ve made that plan to get out of the city. The place I rented was literally the next street from my ex as I thought how good it would be if we were close. She is moving, or maybe has gone, I don’t care to find out, but the frustrating thing is living in a place, that you thought you would be sharing with somebody. Well can’t do much about it until the lease is done and after that I can go to another city I think or even live with a few other people just so it’s not quite as lonely and there are people to talk with. That’s awesome that you quit your job to focus on studies, that must have been quite a choice. You may as well get the best education you can to get the best job that you can. For yourself I think is key as well. Again, understand about friends being with significant others. When you’re in a relationship you seem to have so many invites to do things, and be with people. Suddenly on the single wagon and everybody is busy. Hobbies is good, it gives you something creative to do and means you can get better at a skill. I’m getting exercise, playing sports, have got some hobbies that I try and enjoy and go out and meet up with people when they are available. The break up was in May, then she wanted to get back together (hurrah!) and then she broke up with me in July (urgh), then it’s been NC, well I guess LC since then – only seeing her to get my stuff back. Miserable though, I got this job and she broke up with me just about as soon as I got it. The people here must be thinking why did we employ this guy? Haven’t really done any dating* - met up with some friends of friends and had a few drinks, and made some friends (I think) but haven’t found anybody who really clicks with me. Am trying to think about what job I would really like to do as well. You have to be in a good place I think to really connect with somebody otherwise you come across disinterested and that doesn’t seem fair on them! I did think about doing a masters but there are some real costs associated with it. If I could get the funding for it though – that’s a possibility I think, could be a good opportunity as well. Edited August 8, 2012 by theskyisblue
YorickBrown Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 First off, how long has it been since you broke up? Days? (still understandable) Weeks? (should already be tapering off) Months?!? If you're still "crying like a crazy " until now...and the "sobbing yourself to sleep" hasn't subsided...Dude you may actually need actual "professional help" How? Well, have you tried....well...getting laid? Hookers can help! And the good thing is you dont need to be your "nicey-nicey" self to get "instant friends". Plus hey you're helping some needy gals at the same time. Of course, it goes without saying you hafta watch out for STDs. Second, you obviously need to keep yourself busy (outside of work)...and I mean, really really busy and so tired (like exhausted even) so you don't even have time to think...how about getting into sports or exercising?? Sexercises to the point of sexhaustion? Hookers can help! I'm kidding of course...well, a little bit... but you do get the point right? Finally, its obvious that it'll take time for the recovery process to sink in...but you've also touch on a big part of yours, in particular space...you may need to put some distance (literally) from everything and everyone that remind you of the BU....Hookers can help! I dunno exactly...just thought I'd continue saying that..
Author theskyisblue Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Well I had to get my stuff and see her recently so that didn't help things. Seriously though I am keeping busy and not sobbing like a crazy person. It's jut difficult and lonely as I want to be away from the city and am getting the money to do that. Hookers - not so much to that.
chrisusarmy2005 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I know the exact same thing your going through, it sucks. I mean being single is hard. I moved to Ma for my gf of 4 yrs and she broke up with me back in Mar, its a really crappy feeling. Im not as depressed as I was but it still bothers me. Even getting back into playing music and everything helps a bit, im training for a 5K and everything. She broke up with me because im a Bigger guy. Being that I moved here for her , I don't really have any friends up here except for my guitarist and he's usually busy. I go out and everything to meet some people,but don't fully click with them. It's like a certain amount of time goes by you should be able to get over this person that broke your heart into thousands of pieces. Its just a really crappy feeling and you cant stop thinking about that person. This person had such an impact on your life,its not easy. We will all get through this eventually, maybe im hopeless but in a way I hope we get back together she means everything to me and still does and always will.
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