dejoe00183 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Hey everyone. As you can see, first post here, but I've been reading quite a bit. I had joined another forum, but there seems to be way more activity and advice around here! I'll be as brief with the back story as possible, as I hope to get some advice quickly, as this second meeting is happening tomorrow! If you don't want a full back story, skip to the last two paragraphs haha. So I have known this girl for about 4.5 years (we're both almost 27 now). We work for the same company, different offices, and met through a then co-worker. Within a week, she texted me and we were flirting, went out a time or two, then she sort of disappeared. This happened on and off, until this past January when it all came together. Issue #1 that I have come to realize, 4 years of culmination made us move way too quickly. We went out once, she invited me to her uncle's ski house, and that was all it took. I was staying at her place 2-3 times a week, but it was great. Come June, she isn't sure if she wants to continue with the relationship, thinks about it for a few days, and decides she's all in. I go on vacation for 10 days, and she's telling me she needs me and I'm her everything. 2.5 weeks later, right after July 4th, same thing again, and she feels smothered since I returned, but I was distant before I left. I was spending even more time there, and my balance between her and my friends was NOT good. Fine, we talk about it a little, and I leave. I also had a key to her place, so a week later I asked if we were going to talk or if I should just drop off the key. Long story short, I drop the key, and that night she calls, which I ignored, and she says she hopes we can talk at some point but understands if i don't want to. Within like 4 days, she calls my office asking for something work related, give her the info, and hang up. Calls again 2 days later, and is specifically asking for me. A week later, she calls my cell for work stuff, which I first ignored, then returned as it pertained to work, and said "if you want to talk at some point, I'm OK with that." She got nervous and said she thought I'd say something she didn't want to hear, probably that I wouldn't want to speak again. That was almost a month ago, a d she has texted me every day, with the exception of a few, since then. Anyway, we go out a week following that call, and I stayed very casual, light hearted, we laughed, and I made sure not to bring up a thing about the breakup. I focused and what I had been recently doing, she spent the whole time talking about things we used to do. She was also biting her lip, looking away from me, and playing with her hair, which she never did, as she's very assertive, though I am as well. She insisted on picking me up, so when she drops me off, she just starts crying, but saying she isn't ready to talk, to which I just said OK, you know where I am if you want to, take care. Two days later she says via text that she was so upset because she knows my stance on no friendship after but can't stand the thought of losing me...completely. That made me angry, as i know that means I'm keeping you around for now. The following night, she is tipsy and tells me to come over, have some wine with her, and in a nutshell, have sex with her. I sorta of played into it, but never went, as she fell asleep. I kind of teased telling her too bad, her loss, she would have had a good night. The next morning she said damn it I know I would have, I was a little tipsy but I knew what I was doing. To which I said you'll have to try harder than that. Again, still texting every day. I know some will say I should ignore it, but its not bothering me hardly any, as I feel I'm still in control. I was out to dinner with some friends, and was eating something she used to make...here's was awesome and the restaurant sucked, so I mentioned it. She said "well once you you've had the best, everything else kinda sucks. Sorry I ruined it for you." Then she goes "probably girls too...you know, since you've had the best." Well, joke or not, I said "wow, we'll come back to that later, I'm nit going there, but I'm shocked you even said that. No, big b.s. flag, not correct." Fast forward, and I need to either put a stop to this, or do something, so I ask if she wants to get together for a drink or two soon, which she quickly agrees to. I decide it'll be around my time frames, as I've been hanging with friends and going out more frequently. I said Wednesday this week is the only day, next week I'll have to get back to you on. She then says that she will be at her family's beach house for the night, as she's off, but if I want to come down... I agreed to, but it seems so strange. The one friend I told said he thinks its because its neutral ground, as in not her place or mine, but she could still either tell me to leave at any time, or ask me to stay, so be on guard and stay in control. My biggest question is do I just stay casual again? I've done a lot of reflecting on myself and learned quite a bit, I was more looking to just say something like "look, I realize my portion of the responsibility, and have learned a few things" type of deal, just saying I accept the breakup and she can stop talking to me if its out of guilt, that I'm fine. But that was in a public setting, what do I do now?!
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