My wife took off with another man...TWICE-- and left the country with him

[messedup]

I need some help I am pretty sure about what I want to do but I want to hear what others think first. Here is the story.

I am married about 2 1/2 years to a person that could get their U.S. citizen ship through me, what happened was just after she got some of her residency she started talking online to a lot of guys and i started to get suspicious she started telling me things like i don't love you the way i want to but i care about you and all that b.s., in January of this year she wound up meeting up with a guy that flew all the way from England to meet her and they did whatever you know what she disappeared for about a week said she was gonna go to Orlando with friends,blah blah blah. when i finally saw her after the week she admit ed to having the affair and stayed at a friends house for another week. Me like a dummy i tell her i will give you another chance and let her back into the house. i tried to get her to stop talking to him but to no avail they continued talking online with secret names so that i wouldn't get upset anything even watched them talking. the guy even moved from his country next to her family in her country(opposite side of the world practically) About a month ago she was acting weird said was at a friends house all day and a day or two later she told me he was here, that she was going with him to see what it was like with him and would be gone only 10 days. i of course was upset but then got really pissed and said forget about it told her i was moving found an apartment and left. when i had finished moving i told her i didn't want her to come back she supposedly had a ticket to come back but i wouldn't give her my address or phone number she cried and cried and said i love you and i miss you and i didn't mean to hurt you it was a mistake and wanted to come home but i held my ground because i felt that i didn't want to have to go through this again. she said he wouldn't be in our lives etc. Recently found out i got an STD from her so i am sure she slept with more than one person several is more like it. i don't trust her at all. nothing she tells me i believe is true.is there such a thing as keeping this relationship or just get it over with and get over it.tell me your opinions i feel what i am doing is correct by ending it but i want to hear from someone else or alot of people thanks hope to hear from you.

[Olivia_19742004]

i feel what i am doing is correct by ending it but i want to hear from someone else or alot of people thanks hope to hear from you.

 

I can understand and appreciate your need for validation regarding your decision to end it. There are other alternatives to fixing a marriage rather than ending it immediately however you're the one in the situation so I'm not sure what you're willing to sacrifice and what you're not willing to sacrifice. If your wife said she would like to go to therapy to work on this because she loves you and doesn't want the marriage to end would you be willing to do that?

[messedup]

problem is that i dont trust her and i dont want to have to go through this again is there really some hope for this relationship or am i just kidding myself. i still love her but have been hurt alot by this. i think she would try to walk over me like a carpet. i feel used ask me some questions i will reply. oh and i wanted to goto therapy between the 6 mth period but she didnt have much initiative to do so.

[Olivia_19742004]

Since she has recently stated she loves you and doesn't want to lose you have you asked her to go to therapy again?

 

And you both have to want to make it work. If you've already decided it's over no amount of therapy is going to make a difference. If you have already closed your heart to her it would take a lot to open it again. Do you have any part of you that wants to work it out? A little bit of love left?

[crazydawg]

Listen screw you once sscrew you twice but no screwing the third time. I think its time to realize that **** gurl isn't for you. Once is forgettable Twice is Unforgivable How many times do you have to give her to straighten up. Do me a favor go out and be seen with someone else. You'll see she'll do anything to get back with you.....

[messedup]

i have a lot of love and still miss her but i am scared this is giong to happen again if not with him with someone else this is what is keeping me from doing it all over again i feel like its gonna be worse than before she has a very stubborn personality and does what she wants when she wants is it really worth it to take a chance on going through this a third time remember she is out of the country with her family where she is from i feel like she is just is messing with my head to see if she can get the best of me. without her i have been doing better with my work i am not worried anymore about her doing god knows what with god knows whom you did read she gave me an STD not serious but that doesnt happen from just one person and has she really changed, does she really want to change or or is it just because she had a better life here with me instead of where she is from there is really a big trust issue here for me

[Olivia_19742004]

does she really want to change or or is it just because she had a better life here with me instead of where she is from there is really a big trust issue here for me

 

That is too difficult for us to answer. You're the one that knows her best. If you feel you can't take the risk again it is okay to end it. It is okay to take responsibility for your own feelings and ensure that you don't get put in that situation again. It's okay that you don't trust her. If you are doing better and you truly think you're better off without her then you're doing the right thing.

[Mr Spock]

I am married about 2 1/2 years to a person that could get their U.S. citizen ship through me, what happened was just after she got some of her residency she started talking online to a lot of guys

 

 

BIG red warning flag....................

 

 

Dump her. even better, deport her. That will teach her to use condoms.

[messedup]

actually she kinda deported herself mr spockwhen she left the country

[Mr Spock]

Don't worry. You did the right thing. Don't contact her again-you'll find someone who loves you for you and isn't a crazy harpy.......sheesh. What is the attraction to her? (Hey, and the STD could have been from the one dude)

[messedup]

here is something really funny she left with what she came one suitcase

p.s. anyone esle reading this please post your opinion i wanna hear everyones opinion

[tanbark813]

My opinion is that she's already walked all over you and if you stay with her one more day or give her another chance then you must be the most retarded man on the planet. Sorry to be harsh, but what is the big mystery here?? She obviously doesn't love you and is just using you to get into the country. Find someone local.

[messedup]

i know it and you know it but hearing your opinions gives me added strength so keep em commin

[Velveteel]

Whether she's immature, or using you for immigration help, or just doesn't love you very much, the point is that your wife pursued another man soon after marrying you. This is not okay. You must love her a lot even to consider staying with her. The two of you do not agree on the basic rules of marriage: fidelity (or a mutual agreement otherwise), sharing thoughts and feelings, taking care of each other. The fact that she now claims to want to stay with you is irrelevant. Where is your self-esteem? Clearly, it is somehow tied up with her and this marriage. But if you want her lasting respect, break up with her now. Tell her you care for her, but will never be able to trust her again, and that the marriage is over. Then stick to it. Maybe she will learn something from this.

 

I don't mean to be brutal, but I see no hope at all that she's suddenly going to pull herself together and become a devoted, loving, and communicative wife to you. I see her continuing to need attention from other men, and the excitement of a dirty secret. This doesn't make her a monster. But it makes her too selfish for you to commit your heart to her safekeeping.

 

And yes, re: the STD--it just takes one.

[NotaBadGuy]

Messed,

 

I understand you're love and dedication to your wife, but she has crossed boundaries that breach the relm of fidelity. There is no rational reason for her behavior this soon in the marriage or at any time in the marriage. And for you to question what you probably know already is understandable, but for your own sake (not to mention- heath), let this woman dissect and devour some other prey.

 

You undeniably love this woman for you to want to deal with the blatant and brash circumstances she has ultimaltely thrust upon you. But you need to get out of that situation before it takes your mind, body, and soul (maybe even life). Come on man, she gave you an STD. That is serious business. Not only is she acting haphazardly on her own behalf, she is placing you're health and well being in jeopardy at the same time. Through her behavior, she is playing russian roulette with you're life and emotioanl welfare.

 

I think you need to give the woman a swift kick in the ass and send her back to "tea time." Don't look back. Don't contact her. Only waive goodbye in the mirror. Then pick yourself up and brush your shoulders off. You don't need that - none of us do. Just my $.02 though.

[Craig]

Your ex is huge trouble. Get on with your life and forget about her--do not contact her. The woman you thought she was doesn't exist and never did. Any feelings you may have for her aren't real but based on her deceiving you. She worked you, she used you and she doesn't care one bit about you.

[KANSAN]

SHE MUST REALLY! HAVE SOME GOOD..... ANYWAY UNLESS YOU'RE GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT LEAVE. I'VE HEARD OF PEOPLE WHO ARE HAPPY BEING IN CERTAN PEOPLES PRESENCE REGUARDLESS OF HOW THEIR TREATED. IF THATS YOU THAN GOOD LUCK IF NOT LEAVE BEFORE SOMETHING REALLY! CRAZY HAPPENS

[messedup]

hey anyone reading that cares to know i came out clean no STD. thank god at least something good came out of this other than my freedom.